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you should try not to tell you parents everything that goes on between the two of you, although you share everything with your mother, its not a good thing to do so in your marriage. Because mothers tend to remember everything and anything minor could become major. did you wife only start complaining to your mother after she found out your mum knew stuff that was going on between you? you need to stop telling your mum because a) she'll worry about you and b) she'll interfere.
then you need to sit down and have a proper conversation with your wife, telling her that you aren't going to tell your mum or her mum anything about your relationship anymore and you would appreciate it if she didn't either.
You need to take charge and tell your wife that you appreciate all her efforts in trying to help you to fit in (because she has) and that you want to come up with a long term plan that will benefit you both, this will show her that you are thinking of the two of you and your future and her welfare. then you need to tell her that you UNDERSTAND her and know that she's worked hard all her life and has had alot of responsibility but you would like to help her and ease her responibilities and then tell her you are here for her.
and then you need to tell her what you do and don't like about your relationship, nicely and ask her for her thoughts and opinions in all matters. ask her what she likes and doesn't like. and most importantly listen to her when she speaks and remember what she says.
and maybe you ought to take some initiative and organise stuff that the two of you can do together..like buying neutral bedspreads.
most importantly remind her that adjusting takes time and everything is still new to you and say you know its hard for her aswell.
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