Quote:
Originally Posted by bebo
Hi guys,
I recently came back from Pakistan and it was fun but the eternal question of “Bachay” haunted me through out my stay of 25 days. You see I have been married for five years and at this point of our lives we do not want kids. It is a mutual decision and this was how I always imagined my married life. My friends and family used to say that you are crazy because a girl should have kids soon after marriage but I always disagreed. All of them have one or two kids by now and they now think that I am making a big mistake. But at least I can argue with my friends or family but when it comes to in-laws and further in-law family I can’t argue. And their first impression automatically is assuming that we are unable to conceive so they some times give me dua to read or ask me to consult some famous gynecologist. If I tell them that we are not planning to have kids they never buy it. And I am sick of the rumors that we can’t have kids. It was so uncomfortable to even hold and kiss a baby in the family without having to see the pity in people’s eyes.
The thing which worries me is further down the road if I ever want a kid it would be my preference to adopt one but again you know even if I mention this option in my in-laws it would be like conforming their doubts. People in Pakistan typically think that who in their right mind will adopt if they are able to have a biological child.
What do you guys think of this situation? It is awkward to start a thread on this topic but hey I might get some good suggestions to deal with it.
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i guess u r not alone dear! i m in the same boat. i will b completing 3 yrs in Jan 09. first year I was busy studying after which I immediately got a good offer so started workin...(since 2 years) so time went on and on and every time i felt i was not ready. actually i love my freedom and independence.. i love the carefree life me and my hubby lead... in a way i know i m irresponsible but I ve always been irresp and lazy since time immemorial!! now that we are almost nearing our 3rd year, i have deicded enough is enough i shud have a baby and should not delay anymore... by the time i have baby itll b end of 2009 or 2010.. and I am turning 25 in Oct this year so I think the earlier the better. so the thing is bebo, dun say u r unsure if u want kids, and dun think abt adoption... apnay bacchay ki feelin hi alag hoti hia. dun u wanna have the feeling of some livin being growin inside u.. i think the feelin is magical..!! so Inshallah I hope I get preg atleast this year... i m really prayin and tryin.
unfortunately, in our society ppl assume marriage = kids... i mean it sure is, but everybody has a plan ... goals in life and its only rite that they have kids when they think the time is rite. i have always faced qs when i have ben to pak and i hate them i tell u. 2 years tak we said we r not tryin but now since i have started tryin i m tellin everyone that and they r kinda not on my back anymore...jst ignore those comments and do what you both wanna do.