Quote:
Originally Posted by NaTaLia
hie all,
my friend has a problem and she needed advise from me ,but i thought to share it with you all so that i can give her a better advise 
her problem is that she belongs from such a family jahan you cant meet the boy before getting married,her nikkah was arranged and she didnt knew the boy.now as she is nikkahfied now so she went on a dinner with him where he told her that he likes gals who cooks well ,wakes up early in the morning.he didnt wanted his wife to do a job .he wanted her to have kids and look after his parents.Now the problem is the gal is becoming a doctor and she wanted to be an obstritian.but the boy is not keen that she should study more  she tought that she will talk to him in her next meeting.
yesterday her MIL came to see her and baaton baaton mai she said ''ITANI PARHAII KA KIYA KARNA TUM AISA KAROO SILAHII (SWEING) BHI SEEKH LOO''she ignored that comment and told the MIL that she had cooked ACHAAR GOSHT today ..uss pai she siad ''loo jee uss mai kiya kamaal hai aj kal bohat shaan kai masalai miltai hain''
these things are happening after nikkah .she asked me kai kiya woh khush rahai gi shadi kai baad???for me shadi is pure LUCK ..what can i say????secondly she is that type of a gal who can study hard and want to afford a maid instead of doing all the work herself.
so what should she do..should she continue with the nikkah yahan abhi bhi time hai ??? |
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contrary to other views here, i think, thinking about divorce is hasty...
It was her parent's responsibility before the nikah, and even before accepting the rishta, to tell her inlaws, and the potential damaad about how good a student their daughter is, and how eager she is to study. They should have clearly stated her academic goals and aspirations for the future to the boy's family and the boy himself even before accepting the rishta (my parents did this for me).
Since the parents did not do this before nikah, they should do this NOW...yes it is
they (the parents) who should do this , not the girl herself...she should avoid talking about this issue herself with her husband over dinner (as it wont be effective, and can cause more anxiety for her depnding on what her husband happens to say each time they discuss this)...
it was the guys family and the girls family who arranged this nikah, right? so why should the girl try to solve this problem by herself, its a problem between families .... she should give her full voice to her parents... her parents should back her up, and should in a very assertive respectful manner talk to their damaad and his ghar walay, about their daughters future goals for studies.... A correct amount of very direct and tacful pressure from the girls parents/guardians on her inlaws and husband can do wonders..
I think, thinking about divorce is a little hasty, before even trying this sort of dialogue between families specially the girls parents and their damaad... but the parents must make sure that they do make their daughters academic goals absolutely clear to the damaad and his mother before the rukhsati., they should put forward clear conditions for rukhsati... and they should make sure they do get some sort of agreement/word/tassalli from their damaad and his parents about the security of their daughters academic future before rukhsati....i
if after trying that, they see that there is no hope, and they havent convinced the inlaws and havent gotten and guarantee/promise...then the parents of the girl (not the girl herself) can sort of well "threaten' or "put forward" divorce as option... and see the damaad and the MIL's reaction...
and your friend should not read too much into comments like "silaai seek lo" and about khana pakana etc... it might be the saas's aadat, to be a typical saas like that...yoru friend should ignore them.