you had physical relationship with the guy, if you feel guilty about it that much that you wana commit suicide than i will advice it to ask for forgiveness to ALLAH SWT.
and if you think that you will not be honest to your potential husband, then tell him before getting marrying. there is no point to live a life as a LOSER!
you did a mistake, i feel sorry for it. and you should too, but DONT WASTE IT ON THE JERKS! ur ex was JERK!
and you loved a JERK! (cuz you would never spread anything about the one you love the most, and to be honest he never loved u). you were just a challenge for him. and he was succeeded in it.
but now, move on. there is no point in crying over the past, but cry over the factor that u were soo stupid, and soo blinded. why ALLAH SWT kept you soo blinded. be a strong women, there are JERKS every where.
ps. aik baar jao, or khainch ker us ko thappar maar ker aoo
it will make you feel better. and write 1000 times on a paper, that I LOVED A JERK!!!!