PSquared

Wow...thank you for sharing your experiences ladies. Im speechless...at the nastiness of the families and also at how courageous you girls were.

I will say one thing: Even though we should refrain from portraying inlaws and husbands as evil...it is most of the time the case with divorces. Where the hubby cannot and has not learned to balance his marriage and parents. He hasnt been educated on what his wife's rights are. He hasnt been told what his responsibilities are towards her. Its important to note how our society works and how girls are viewed even now as "not as lucrative" as boys and are a "boj". Even though practically speaking boys and girls make the same amount of money and contribute equally to a household...the mentality is still there. Why is jehez so important? Because a girl coming alone with nothing else isnt as valuable as one coming with a bedroom set, cash, gold and a car. She has to add value to herself buy buying material things.

Divorce can be avoided by investigating and finding out more about the guy by asking questions, observing, talking to friends, etc. You should NEVER finalize after one meeting...which some people do. Its bewaqoofi in my opinion to agree after the initial meeting...no matter how wonderful they seem. If they are so wonderful, they should have no problem meeting again and again and again. It can also be avoided by allowing the couple to communicate with each other...before engagement and nikah. This allows couples to explore each other's mentalities on life and how they want to live it. And no, one conversation isnt enough. Parents shouldnt focus on how much he makes...more on how educated he is and how open minded he is. Education doesnt necessarily make people progressive...thats also a common misconception. A man can be educated but as backward as any paindu you've met. Ive met educated men who are of the opinion that women shouldnt leave the house without permission from his parents. You have to explore, explore, explore and make sure a thousand times that this is IT. If the people are nice, they will have no problem dealing with your questions and concerns.

Even then, if things get worse and you have to leave the man...its alright. You will find a man who appreciates you for who and what you are. Every single experience we have makes us the people we are today. Maybe if you hadnt gotten divorced, you would never have understood life the way you do today. There is always a silver lining, no matter how horrible of a situation you are in. You just have to look for it...sometimes a lot harder then usual.

Ladies, please dont be discouraged or think your life is over...its not. Allah swt only gives us as much as we can handle. Maybe we are in a position to really appreciate our true soul mates. Maybe we were too naive at the time. Maybe we needed something to help wisen us up to life and how smart we need to be. Maybe we were meant to teach the people who wronged us something. You dont know the "why's" all the time so dont think about them. Just know you're out of whatever horrific situation you were in and now you're free to live life as YOU please and on YOUR terms. No one else's.