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met my little bro today
Posted Oct 24th, 2009 at 08:02 PM by *Disco~Duck*
I went to see my little brother today. Actually made it. I'd gone in thinking that he was happy....so to be honest there was no build of nerves or even sadness. Just taking it in my stride......got there, everything was fine cept the dogs....they get the dogs to sniff you...i was so freaked out...i closed me eyes ...shukar hea it didnt touch me but i swear...that was frightening....
So we enter......after, photograph, fingerprinting, ID check.......then another fingerprinting, stamp on my hand, through the security scan, then a wand scan, then a manual pat down, then another scan of my hand to see the stamp, another fingerprinting scan, the dog sniffiing.......
So after all the scans......walk into a large open hall. Like a canteen. All prisoners with red aprons on..........blank faces, looking in our direction in anticipation of seeing someone they know. Had to walk about to finally catch sight of my little brother. He didnt see us initially. Zain ran and fell flat, so i got him up...and sent him in the right direction and he ran off upto my brother......i was relieved cuz i didnt want him to have forgotten who his mamu was!...so that was nice. Then i went up and he cant even get up...so i just gave a him a hug and kiss and told him i had missed him .....and went to the front and sat down. He is thin, and pale, he had tears in his eyes and then he started crying...like not crying crying but when you lose control of the tears you are holding back....he blamed not having glasses was makng his eyes water a lot and how he had to go to the prison optiician....i pretended i was dumb and i had believed him. He had an allergic reaction to something......probs the sweaty handle bars of gym equipment the doctor thinks so he had raised swollen skin patches on his arms and neck and behind his ears...............not quite how i had expected him to be honestly...i thought he was fine. And it took ALL my strength resilience self control and focus to put aside the emotion and maintain composure. I knew that if i break down now........im gona lose it completely. So i had to fortify myself times a thousand......and make my heart into a little stone because...seeing your baby brother who is dear to you as your own child in that situation......you want to kill the world for it. You dont want no one to have peace until your loved one has peace......but that anger and helplesness...i had to put it aside.
I know that inside my heart is on the verge of having a little breakdown again and im nto letting it break...because my mind is saying no no no no must not break down....bt when i see that image of my baby brother....oh god, i want hell to be on earth for revenge....
So we enter......after, photograph, fingerprinting, ID check.......then another fingerprinting, stamp on my hand, through the security scan, then a wand scan, then a manual pat down, then another scan of my hand to see the stamp, another fingerprinting scan, the dog sniffiing.......
So after all the scans......walk into a large open hall. Like a canteen. All prisoners with red aprons on..........blank faces, looking in our direction in anticipation of seeing someone they know. Had to walk about to finally catch sight of my little brother. He didnt see us initially. Zain ran and fell flat, so i got him up...and sent him in the right direction and he ran off upto my brother......i was relieved cuz i didnt want him to have forgotten who his mamu was!...so that was nice. Then i went up and he cant even get up...so i just gave a him a hug and kiss and told him i had missed him .....and went to the front and sat down. He is thin, and pale, he had tears in his eyes and then he started crying...like not crying crying but when you lose control of the tears you are holding back....he blamed not having glasses was makng his eyes water a lot and how he had to go to the prison optiician....i pretended i was dumb and i had believed him. He had an allergic reaction to something......probs the sweaty handle bars of gym equipment the doctor thinks so he had raised swollen skin patches on his arms and neck and behind his ears...............not quite how i had expected him to be honestly...i thought he was fine. And it took ALL my strength resilience self control and focus to put aside the emotion and maintain composure. I knew that if i break down now........im gona lose it completely. So i had to fortify myself times a thousand......and make my heart into a little stone because...seeing your baby brother who is dear to you as your own child in that situation......you want to kill the world for it. You dont want no one to have peace until your loved one has peace......but that anger and helplesness...i had to put it aside.
I know that inside my heart is on the verge of having a little breakdown again and im nto letting it break...because my mind is saying no no no no must not break down....bt when i see that image of my baby brother....oh god, i want hell to be on earth for revenge....
Total Comments 8
Comments
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:/Posted Oct 24th, 2009 at 08:47 PM by ravage
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are you in NY? Cuz Ive had to go through the same thing and oh my God is the process of just checking in to see an inmate a traumatizing experience in and of itself. Its exactly the same as you mentioned. Hang in there and be strong, hope things get better for you all
Posted Oct 24th, 2009 at 08:52 PM by Skittlez
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I don't know what to say. *hugs*
Hope it gets easy for you and your brother.Posted Oct 24th, 2009 at 09:30 PM by Sajalina
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May Allah make it easier for ur bro, you and your family. xPosted Oct 24th, 2009 at 09:45 PM by Still
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May Allah make it easier for ur bro, you and your familyPosted Oct 25th, 2009 at 04:14 AM by Nikka Kaka
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Posted Oct 25th, 2009 at 05:03 AM by ShiNoO
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yeah guys
its so sad being family of a convict....
whats saddest is the convict term doesnt resonate with him
it just seems so wrong and unfairPosted Oct 25th, 2009 at 09:55 AM by *Disco~Duck*
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Oh hon, really dunno what to say. May Allah make the next year easy on your family.Posted Oct 25th, 2009 at 12:35 PM by Brit Chick
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