[The bloopers found below are said to be written by actual students and are "genuine, authentic, and unretouched." They were compiled by Richard Lederer, and appear in the 12/31/95 edition of "National Review" magazine.]

It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world:

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and...

Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Ken's head instead of a revolver.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp...

ONLY IN THE U.S. LEGAL SYSTEM
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ...fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."

The insurance company...

You'll need to read the article to appreciate it...enjoy!

This is a verbatim extract from a National Public Radio interview between a female broadcaster and Army LT.GEN. Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation.
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Interviewer: "So, LT.GEN. Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"
LTGEN Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing,...

Boring way:
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least one hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate...

It's not very often that we ask why things are the way they are but here's an answer for you, The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English build them that way? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge...

Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And, help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today as they
May be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.

Amen.