Taking a Pause to Ponder for a Bit...

Rate this Entry

We decide who’s important in your life

Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 12:21 AM by Lucid Chaotic

Over these past few months, it’s hit me more than before how superficial employers and their policies can be when it comes to us caring for a loved one. As a professor, I see this way too many times with students who have genuine requests for an exception to be made based on their family situations. I had a student this term whose dad was suffering from heart trouble and she wanted some time off to look after him. Unfortunately, the University denied her request for assignment extensions and alternative exam arrangements because her dad wasn’t in the hospital and they had no “proof” to approve the student’s request. I’m glad she approached me personally, and I was able to help her in some way by offering an extension for assignments and re-allocating some of her grade to other components to be handed in later in the course. Similarly, another student’s grandfather passed away and she had to miss an exam, but the University would only let her request a deferred exam for an “immediate” family member’s death. Needles to say, I was outraged at the idea of the University deciding who is and isn’t important in someone’s life! What a load of bull!

Along similar lines, my wife requested some time off her work recently to be able to visit my family as my mom has a major surgery coming up in a couple of days (please pray for her). However, her collective agreement at work does not make any accommodations for in-laws because they’re not considered family!! – she was able to take a couple of days off as unpaid leave for next week, and then request her vacation at the end of the month but she wanted to be there over the next two weeks when she’s needed most. It infuriates me to no end that we live in a society where our employers are so apathetic to the needs of their employees. Not everything in life is black and white, and organizations need to understand that while striving for objectivity, management shouldn’t detach itself from its employees. So much for the so called initiatives around “work-life balance”… duplicitous administration at its best.

Posted in General

Views 258 Comments 22

« Prev Main Next »

Total Comments 22

Comments

	Inshallah your mom will be in my prayers May ALLAH make her surgey successful and give her speedy recovery ameen Did you think what is the reason behind not giving family a value? PS. I like your blog enteries.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 12:51 AM by UZ

	I hope your moms surgery is a success, Insha'Allah.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 01:44 AM by Munni

	May Allah help ur family n ur mom with a successful surgery ...Ameen I didnt post much ...but i really love to read ur blog ...
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 02:02 AM by decent_Felow

	i know what you mean. many a times in my uni life i've come across events where i felt like i should take a day off or two, not for myself, but for others in my life, but i couldn't because i didn't have proof. so away i still went on.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 02:33 AM by Khumar

	ugghh - i knw exactly what u mean and its really petty and rude, where family is only ur mom/dad/brother/sister etc.. its funny how when it comes to their own needs and duties the rules usually dont apply - ye system hi aisa hai and unfortunately no one has bothered to change it.. May Allah bless your mom with health - will pray for her iA!
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 05:43 AM by mysti

I went through something similar whilst at Uni, that your student went through. Whilst the Uiversity was unsupportive I had an amazing personal supervisor who helped me intercalculate for a year and take that year out. My father was very ill at the time. It meant I graduated a year late but that seems irrelevant to me now.

People should be more compassionate towards one another. Too many target driven initiatives, lack of sympathy and a degree of reality to be honest.

Inshallah I hope and pray your mother's surgery goes well.

Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 06:24 AM by dildirani dildirani is offline

Updated Aug 11th, 2009 at 06:53 AM by dildirani

	P.s. some of your blogs/advice/ideas remind me of my own father who was a lecturer/academic before he retired recently.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 06:25 AM by dildirani

	Inshallah her surgery will go well.. it's true people can't dictate who's important in our life and who's not.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 06:46 AM by Gina~

thanks for the prayers guys - I'm heading home later today to be with the family and help with looking after my mom.

dildirani, my advice to students is to get in touch with their professors if they're ever in such situations where the University isn't being all that helpful. We still work within the system, but often have some flexibility to make alternative arrangements that can be of some help to the students.

Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 09:18 AM by Lucid Chaotic Lucid Chaotic is offline

	Good luck for your mom's surgery.Hope everything goes well.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 09:19 AM by s_mk

	Inshallah all will go well with your mother's surgery....
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 09:57 AM by chips6

InshaAllah your mom's surgery will go well, and may Allah SWT bless her with good health.

I know what you mean about the policies some organisations hold. A couple of years back, when my father passed, my nephew, then a student at a very prominent med school in the UK, took a week off from Uni (he informed his personal tutor). On return, he was shocked to find that the administration showed no sympathy to his situation whatsoever as it was not a member of his "immediate family"... and even had the nerve to ask to see a death certificate as proof!

What is our society coming to...

Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 10:05 AM by maroush maroush is offline

Pray your mom's surgery will go well Inshallah. I read this blog and it got me thinking. I agree with what you are saying, but it also got me thinking about health insurance as well. As a parent we are able to cover our children under health insurance till they become adults. I only wish that we would be able to add our parents to our insurance policy to help them out in their old age, but as far as I know that does not exist. There are other options for elder care, but not that simple.

Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 10:20 AM by Afro-Sheen Afro-Sheen is offline

InshaAllah everything will go well for your mom's surgery.

Honestly I didn't have a bad experience with university officials or work people yet.. my father passed away while I was a junior in university (April) and left the US right away without informing anyone but my advisor, he took care of everything for me and when I returned from Pakistan after 20 days, dean of students called me in his office to talk about my feelings to determine if I was ready to take finals in May or not.. I ended up dropping 3 courses (out of six) in the last week of April after the withdraw date was gone but still I never saw the W on my transcript.. everything was taken care of and it helped me a lot at that time! I went to a university of 30,000 students so it's not like a college of 500 students where teachers knew everyone.. still I rememeber getting an email or words of condolence from almost all my professors!

Same thing at work.. I went home in March when I was still under six months probation and not eligible for vacation time but my boss asked me to make up for hours before and after just so I could go n see my mom who was missing me so much.. later in July, I went home again and now I have zero vacation time left but still my boss thinks that If I can afford I should go home whenever I want and just make up for hours that I miss..no wonder, I have so much respect for her!

I just hope I dun jinx myself now.. so far, so good :-)

Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 10:24 AM by Gemini the Great Gemini the Great is offline

	Give your mom my salam and let her know that she is in our prayers Umar. To address the HR side of things....your view is absolutely correct....which preaching their tolerance coporations are too quick to make some very important decisions on our behalf. It always pays to have a direct relationship and approach that person for requests that policies do not address.
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 10:27 AM by Muzna

	Lucid - I hope your mom's surgery goes well. Insha'Allah It's sad but it's the world we live in. I feel more than ever it's important in to take a second and walk over and build that face to face relationship with people. They are more inclined to help you when they see you as a person with a life ouside work rather then #id number
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 11:29 AM by njgal

	i hope her surgery goes well!! inshAllah
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 11:34 AM by lifeless

	Hope your Mom surgery goes well , and I Pray for her health. Take very good care of your mom ,be always in contact to her (I am sure you are).
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 11:50 AM by Entisar

	I will pray for your mom
	Posted Aug 11th, 2009 at 11:56 PM by Monk

When we were in Uni a girl asked for some relaxation in an assignment as she was getting married, the prof. did accommodate her after some kuj behsi but continued to make fun of her situation in class, very silly on his part.

As for who is included in the 'family' it's so irritating to see that parents are not included in family in immigration laws, makes things so complicated.

Will pray for your mother, may Allah help her through the procedure, inshAllah.

Posted Aug 12th, 2009 at 01:37 AM by Masi Museebtay Masi Museebtay is offline

	I hope your mom's surgery goes well
	Posted Sep 11th, 2009 at 04:11 AM by Silver Falcon Of Kashmir

	Alhamdullilah - the surgery went well, although it was a complicated procedure and she will require sometime to recover fully from it. InshaAllah, we're hoping everything will be fine. Thanks to everyone who prayed for her - may Allah bless you all and your loved ones with good health as well. Aameen.
	Posted Sep 11th, 2009 at 05:25 AM by Lucid Chaotic