Visit with Grandma

Posted Apr 26th, 2008 at 11:09 AM by Mamaof3

Ok so I've gotten all kinds of beat up over this subject in the forums but here we go again folks....
My boys had this past week off from school, mom was lonely down south and me with my rose colored glasses thought it would be a good idea to go down for a visit. BAD idea....she was merciless. She's getting ready to sell her condo so she was constantly at them - where they are, what they're doing etc. There were so many rules which constantly changed that they were all nervous wrecks - the oldest guy, the one with some autistic traits and eating troubles was just jumping out of his skin, having nightmares, drooling....the other 2 also had trouble which means constant unhappiness. So I guess from now on, I go by myself or I go when hubby can come along and we'd stay at a hotel and visit grandma and take her out and drop her off. Very sad - I feel like my boys dont really have a grandma. Oldest son told me that he HATES going to grandmas, that she's mean to his brother (which she IS, she takes it all out on me and on my middle son). Yet I dont say anything to her. I've hinted but never really gave it to her like my dad used to do. She makes me SO depressed. I'm just so glad to be home.

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	I'm sorry Mama, that is a very difficult position to be in. Have you tried talking to your mom and maybe even telling her that your children hate visiting her? See how she reacts and based on that, you can let her know whether or not the children will be visiting her again until they are much older.
	Posted Apr 26th, 2008 at 11:27 AM by aahmed

	Thats sad..i don,t know if talking to her would change anything.
	Posted Apr 26th, 2008 at 03:16 PM by COCO

	why don't you ask her to go with u to a family counselor, she might open up.
	Posted Apr 29th, 2008 at 06:36 PM by Iconoclast

I have to say that I have been letting her get away with everything and anything because she is still dealing with the loss of my dad who passed just over a year ago. While my dad was around, he would call her away into their room when she started picking on me or my middle son but now we dont have him here to provide that control.

Family counseling - or any counseling for that matter - is out of the question. My whole family has little respect for the "mental health" field...we have a number of mental health professionals in the family and they're the most messed-up people on the planet. Not only that but their sessions are geared towards a goal of - you guessed it - MORE sessions. As far as I'm concerned, a mental health professional is nothing more than a good "friend", one that you PAY to be your "friend". Bad attitude maybe but one that I've seen proven time and again.
ANYway, I do have to say something to my dear mom. Its either that or avoid her. I'd rather hurt her feelings by pointing out how much she's hurting my sons than say nothing and avoid seeing her.

Posted Apr 30th, 2008 at 03:52 PM by Mamaof3 Mamaof3 is offline

	What happens when you stay away? Does she miss you all and ask you to come visit? If yes, then perhaps you can use that to help her realize why you are staying away and what she can do to make your visits more frequent and more enjoyable for everyone. I hope it works out for you all, it must be a very difficult situation to be in
	Posted May 18th, 2008 at 06:46 AM by midnighteyes