I am disgusted with myself today.

I remember the month before I went off to school. I was dreading taking Gross Anatomy with Lab. I remember thinking if I will be able to handle being around people who just recently passed away. Who had busy lives with family, children, spouses. People who were wondering what they have to prepare for the next day, people who didnt know that their day was going to come where they wouldnt be waking up next to their loved ones anymore. I thought...

I think something is wrong with me. I am starting to have thoughts about marriage and relationships. Even the thoughts of potentially having a boyfriend is entering my head at times. I am someone who usually doesnt let such things bother me, but being here alone is just bringing these thoughts to the forefront. I absolutely will not consider having a boyfriend, but it seems so tempting at times. Several of my friends here have a boyfriend or are engaged. There are the few of us who dont, but...

We need a lota at school. Seriously. I am getting tired of carrying three tiny cups from the watercooler in order to use the restroom. Those cups are so tiny, not to mention the amount of trips I have to make from sink to bathroom stall. Girls must be wondering, "What the heck is this weirdo doing? Drinking water in the toilet stall? GROSS!" But thats not what I am doingggggggggg!!! EWWW, I feel sick just having written that. *hehe*

Yeah so anyway, I am not going to...

I just got out of Anatomy lab, and I saw the most disgusting thing EVER. Like total EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. We just started the abdomen region and this student was trying to show me the lacuna ligament, and what had to happen??? The towel on the body was pushed wayyyyyyy dooooowwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn. I SAW IT!!! EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK. I turned my head so fast, but not fast enough to imprint this friggin image in my head. I just wanna forget it. We were working on a male body, enough said. I feel dizzy....

My roomate is 5 feet tall, and absolutely adorable. She has these round cheeks that you just want to pinch and say, "shoooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuttteee". She hates them but I find them cute on her face. I'm sure she would hate me if she read my journal right now. *hehe* If people think I am a lesbian because I think this way, they can go sit on Mount Saint Helens for all I care. *hehe*

So today she finally came to the realization that the guy she likes is not into her. The...

It's a dinner party at someone's house. My Lebanese friend (Christian) is cooking because his girlfriend is in town and he wants me to come over and meet her.

I am a little apprehensive cause I remember him telling me that his girlfriend told him its OKAY for him to hangout with the one girl he is always studying with because she saw her picture and said she is not a threat to her.

Hopefully she wont feel I am any sort of threat to her, and I will remind her I am...

I was talking to this girl I know in one of my classes, she is Iranian, and she was telling me about the situation in Iran. I asked if her and her Iranian friends in class were muslim, and she said no. She said that some of their families call themselves muslim, but the students that she hangs out with in class dont associate themselves with Islam. I wasnt surprised at that comment, but I was surprised at the next comment she made. She said that atleast 50 to 60% of young people in Iran are...

I woke up feeling absolutely bleah. Went to bed at 5:30AM last night, meaning I missed class today, which I didnt wanna do. I'll get the notes.

I stepped on my weight scale and am horrified that I have gained 10 pounds being here. It's disgusting. Then I went to look in the mirror and my face is just...puffy. Puffy fat cheeks, round as ever. I am supposed to have a squarish face, not a round face, so that should tell you something. I dont know what to do. Everytime I go shopping...

I think I seriously needed that. I really needed someone to tell me how disappointed they are in my habits. Something like that just motivates me for some reason. I am so silly its unbelievable.

Munni, NO GUPSHUP TILL SATURDAY. NO EXCEPTIONS. I dont want to see your Munni face here until then. Samji?? Good.

I shall ban myself for 5 days if I come to gupshup even once after this, until Saturday. hehe. THATS GONNA BE YOUR PUNISHMENT MUNNI. Besharam larki, not...

Shes adorable, but she has a serious issue, where she is letting a guy she likes (but he hasnt expessed interest in her), get the best of her. She is so unbelievably nice to him, and despite a bunch of people telling her that he isnt into her(including him telling other friends), she wont give up going the extra mile for him everytime. To me its a matter of having self-respect. Mind you, I am guilty of this myself in other matters, but just not in this particular one.

I had a...

So I missed my quiz again. I have never been to class when there was a quiz offered. That's points missed. I didnt go because I knew I would get stuff wrong in the lab. Didnt want to be humiliated infront of professors and students alike. The worst is looking bad infront of my professors. I dont know why I do this to myself. Mental note to attend next quiz, and learn material BEFOREHAND. I disappoint myself. That's four points lost.

I need to kill the next exam, or I am...

Why get married when the person you marry is going to die one day? If you are a woman, chances are that he will go before you, according to statistics, especially if you are younger than him.

Thats what I was thinking of when I heard about my uncle's passing. May Allah bless him, ameen.

I am the type of person that gets attached quickly to people and friends. Sometimes I cant stand this fact about myself, but its true.

I remember when I was graduating...

He was my favorite uncle. I started writing to him when I was a teenager, perhaps earlier. My father's oldest brother. He was a man of intellect, a great writer, and therefore I enjoyed the exchanges of letters between us. I will cherish them now, and his words of wisdom that he imparted on me. We didnt write for too long to eachother, but I have several letters of his.

I feel so insignificant at this moment. My worries, my desires, my issues, have all vanished for the moment....

It would be great if someone can update me on the goings on in peoples lives as of today. How about someone create a list of this is where someone is living now, this person is engaged/married/still single, this person has this many children now, this person is now working in the field of blah blah, this person has a new hobby of blu blah; etc etc. I am sooooo out of the goings on in this world due to my seclusion in this city. It's all about books and the library and the lives of the people...

I had my exam today and of course I had no idea what it was about. Absolutely sad. I cant believe I am this dumb in this subject. I am just not getting it. Of course I never go to class which probably has something to do with it, but still. I need to start reading from page one for this one particular class. Will find out my grade tomorrow. I am praying for a miracle. From tomorrow I am attending every class, insha'Allah. No more fooling around.

I've noticed that nobody really...