What A Woman
Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 01:50 AM by PSquared
So this past Ramadan was the probably the hardest one of my life. My grandmother passed away in the first week of Ramadan.
My precious Nani was about 4'8". Generally, we're very small people though, I am only 5'3" myself. This tiny little woman had gotten married in Lakhnow, lived through the Partition, came to Pakistan, had 6 children, lost one, raised the rest and got only three of them married when my amazing Nana passed away. She raised her grandchildren in Pakistan, came to America, devoted herself to the religious instruction of my siblings and I (she taught all four girls Qur'an) and got the remainder of her children married here.
She taught me how to make round roti, daal, rice, salan, etc. I still remember how many times she made me knead dough to get it at the right consistency. My first dish was Irhar ki daal and rice and I got a pair of shoes for it as a present! They were shiny red peep-toes! I would come home from school, have a snack, do my homework and then spend the remainder of my evening with my Nani reading Qur'an, practicing my sabaq and correcting my mistakes.
I used to get sick a lot as a child. Allergies, sensitivities to weather and whatnot. I still remember her hands and how soft they were on my forehead. She had worked SO hard all her life and yet her hands were still so fair, delicate and soft.
She was so naik all her life. She wore burqah as long as I can remember, read Qur'an every morning, prayed, fasted (even tho she was too weak), taught us how to pray and fast too. She did my roza kushai and my nashrah (ameen). All you heard from her was dua for her children and her grandkids.
I cant describe my emotions when this was happening or even when it happened. She had been sick for a while - breast cancer. But she had also made it out of the hospital numerous times before. Three years ago she was on life support for TWO weeks! The doctors kept arguing with me that we were putting her through pain and suffering but she woke up and walked out of the hospital!
This time was serious because she ended up in a hospice and people rarely make it out of there to go home. I kept thinking why on earth is she here? WHO would want to see the bleak walls of a hospice in their final moments when they have seen such a full life? Those pale walls and that wierd sterile feeling? I wanted to whisk her away, take her home and bring her back to health.
You know what happened? She spoke to me. She had been in and out of consciousness for two weeks and wouldnt talk to anyone or eat anything. She and I always used to joke around about how much she loved my roti because she taught me how to make it. So, I leaned over and started talking in her ear and said "Nani, aap jaldi se utke mere saat ghar chalein. Mein apke liye roti banaungi aur apne mujhe ab tak nihari banani bhi nahin sikhayi hai!" and I couldnt believe it when she turned her head to me and said "Inshallah beta"!!!! And then she reached over and kissed me and all of my sisters. Can you believe it?
The thing is, the wonderful woman that my Nani was, she looked out for us until the end of her days. My mother's side of the family had been in a feud for quite some time and this had really troubled her. When all of her kids were there, I could tell something was still on her mind because she was trying SO hard to talk but couldnt. Her body was working so hard to breathe, she was sweating. She was completely delirious but still there and trying to make a point. She just wouldnt let go. My sisters and I rounded up my mom and her siblings and had a talk with them. After many tears and a lot of convincing we got them to hug and forgive each other.
As soon as we told her all of her kids were there and they had all made up, she started to slip away. I saw sukoon in her. We were all there and kept reading kalma to her and crying because it was the end and no one could believe it. I cant seem to accept it no matter what anyone says that she is gone. It just doesnt hit home for me. I still remember holding her hand to my face, I started to feel it getting cold and thats when I knew she was slipping away.
The funeral was another ordeal. I wanted to touch her and wake her up but she looked so peaceful and serene. Her face looked like she was just sleeping after a long and tired day. These realities, a funeral, my grandmother, a Janaza, a cemetary, a burial, a casket, etc. Are they really happening? It was like a bad dream and I just couldnt wake up!
Around the last days, the day she passed and for days/weeks afterwards, we got calls of condolences from all over the world! She knew people in China, Dubai, US, Canada, India, Pakistan, Thailand, etc. She had touched all these people, given them dua, given them some love they held onto all their lives. Its amazing. She was amazing.
I still feel her around me when I concentrate. A white shawl, tasbeeh in her hand, sitting on her bed and looking out the window from her bedroom, smelling of itr emeralds in her ears and so warm all the time.
November 6th marked two months my Nani has been gone. I just pray that Allah swt has forgiven all of her sins and she is happy in Jannat. I pray that she sees me and she is proud. I hope she has forgiven me for any battameezi I ever did as a child. I hope she is there when I get married to give me dua.
My precious Nani was about 4'8". Generally, we're very small people though, I am only 5'3" myself. This tiny little woman had gotten married in Lakhnow, lived through the Partition, came to Pakistan, had 6 children, lost one, raised the rest and got only three of them married when my amazing Nana passed away. She raised her grandchildren in Pakistan, came to America, devoted herself to the religious instruction of my siblings and I (she taught all four girls Qur'an) and got the remainder of her children married here.
She taught me how to make round roti, daal, rice, salan, etc. I still remember how many times she made me knead dough to get it at the right consistency. My first dish was Irhar ki daal and rice and I got a pair of shoes for it as a present! They were shiny red peep-toes! I would come home from school, have a snack, do my homework and then spend the remainder of my evening with my Nani reading Qur'an, practicing my sabaq and correcting my mistakes.
I used to get sick a lot as a child. Allergies, sensitivities to weather and whatnot. I still remember her hands and how soft they were on my forehead. She had worked SO hard all her life and yet her hands were still so fair, delicate and soft.
She was so naik all her life. She wore burqah as long as I can remember, read Qur'an every morning, prayed, fasted (even tho she was too weak), taught us how to pray and fast too. She did my roza kushai and my nashrah (ameen). All you heard from her was dua for her children and her grandkids.
I cant describe my emotions when this was happening or even when it happened. She had been sick for a while - breast cancer. But she had also made it out of the hospital numerous times before. Three years ago she was on life support for TWO weeks! The doctors kept arguing with me that we were putting her through pain and suffering but she woke up and walked out of the hospital!
This time was serious because she ended up in a hospice and people rarely make it out of there to go home. I kept thinking why on earth is she here? WHO would want to see the bleak walls of a hospice in their final moments when they have seen such a full life? Those pale walls and that wierd sterile feeling? I wanted to whisk her away, take her home and bring her back to health.
You know what happened? She spoke to me. She had been in and out of consciousness for two weeks and wouldnt talk to anyone or eat anything. She and I always used to joke around about how much she loved my roti because she taught me how to make it. So, I leaned over and started talking in her ear and said "Nani, aap jaldi se utke mere saat ghar chalein. Mein apke liye roti banaungi aur apne mujhe ab tak nihari banani bhi nahin sikhayi hai!" and I couldnt believe it when she turned her head to me and said "Inshallah beta"!!!! And then she reached over and kissed me and all of my sisters. Can you believe it?
The thing is, the wonderful woman that my Nani was, she looked out for us until the end of her days. My mother's side of the family had been in a feud for quite some time and this had really troubled her. When all of her kids were there, I could tell something was still on her mind because she was trying SO hard to talk but couldnt. Her body was working so hard to breathe, she was sweating. She was completely delirious but still there and trying to make a point. She just wouldnt let go. My sisters and I rounded up my mom and her siblings and had a talk with them. After many tears and a lot of convincing we got them to hug and forgive each other.
As soon as we told her all of her kids were there and they had all made up, she started to slip away. I saw sukoon in her. We were all there and kept reading kalma to her and crying because it was the end and no one could believe it. I cant seem to accept it no matter what anyone says that she is gone. It just doesnt hit home for me. I still remember holding her hand to my face, I started to feel it getting cold and thats when I knew she was slipping away.
The funeral was another ordeal. I wanted to touch her and wake her up but she looked so peaceful and serene. Her face looked like she was just sleeping after a long and tired day. These realities, a funeral, my grandmother, a Janaza, a cemetary, a burial, a casket, etc. Are they really happening? It was like a bad dream and I just couldnt wake up!
Around the last days, the day she passed and for days/weeks afterwards, we got calls of condolences from all over the world! She knew people in China, Dubai, US, Canada, India, Pakistan, Thailand, etc. She had touched all these people, given them dua, given them some love they held onto all their lives. Its amazing. She was amazing.
I still feel her around me when I concentrate. A white shawl, tasbeeh in her hand, sitting on her bed and looking out the window from her bedroom, smelling of itr emeralds in her ears and so warm all the time.
November 6th marked two months my Nani has been gone. I just pray that Allah swt has forgiven all of her sins and she is happy in Jannat. I pray that she sees me and she is proud. I hope she has forgiven me for any battameezi I ever did as a child. I hope she is there when I get married to give me dua.
Total Comments 13
Comments
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my nani :hinna:
P.s : superb entry :)Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 05:32 AM by Aliyish
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i hvnt read all of it yet butt
Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 07:22 AM by lifeless
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No one can replace our loved one, we can pray for them but can't bring them back.Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 09:40 AM by Raima Noveen
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Inna lillahe wa inna ilayhe raaje'oon.
Very sorry to hear about your grandmother, may Allah bless her soul, Ameen.Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 10:36 AM by Shikra
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May ALLAH grant ehr jannat al firdos ameen.Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 11:05 AM by UZ
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Inna Lillahay wa inna IleyhaY Raaje'oon....
We all are going to same end... May Allah have mercy on all of us. aameen.Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 11:07 AM by AQ
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That's beautiful. You are so lucky to have had that amazing influence in your life!Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 11:26 AM by cat-woman
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may Allah grant her jannah, ameen.
she sounds like a gem of a person as you have described her. this entry was hard for me to read coz my nani is very sick these days... i have the same connection with her that u shared with yours... so i am going thru the same emotions. my nani has also defied the doctors and walked out when no one thought she would; but now i feel her slipping away and it's very difficult to come to terms with the reality of death.
i guess the best tribute we can pay our nani's is to embody their best qualities. take heart, psquared
Posted Nov 11th, 2008 at 11:40 AM by ~Namkeen~
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ina lila wa ina alie raji oonPosted Nov 11th, 2008 at 10:05 PM by Lafanter
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Thank you all...very much appreciated. I adored her and miss her terribly.
Namkeen, never let anything she taught you go. Pass it on to your children and keep it alive. Its the best way to honor them. That and always pray that Allah forgives them and they go straight to Jannat.Posted Nov 12th, 2008 at 11:58 AM by PSquared
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May Allah bless her with Jannat-ul-Firdos, hang in there hun :=)Posted Nov 18th, 2008 at 12:34 PM by Maheen2002
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Ina lilahi wa ina ilaihi rajioon
PS i call these kind of ppl "janati log"
She is gona be in Jannah insha Allah cuz of her kids learnt how to read Allah's guidence.
Just remember her in ur prayers for the rest of ur life, so that ur grand kids do the same for ya
Posted Nov 18th, 2008 at 03:23 PM by EcoShan
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Inna Lillahe Wa Inna Illahe RajaoonPosted Nov 18th, 2008 at 03:32 PM by Ask99
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