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Chaand Taarey

Posted May 25th, 2009 at 11:13 PM by PSquared

Here we are...living life to its fullest arent we?

I think Im here to get a few things off my chest so I can breathe easier. Every so often, my shoulders become heavy and I start to feel down because I have to unlaod all that Im carrying on them. So, here it is. Im talking to you, to Allah swt...to anyone that is listening out there.

What am I searching for? Why doesnt this feeling of curiosity die already? I dont understand why I feel this way or what Im even looking for. Someone tell me! Is there ever a point in our lives when we feel content? Im not talking about feeling insanely happy because thats a moment...not a state of mind. So, what am I looking for? I want to feel like Ive arrived or my quest is finally over or Ive reached my destination. Where is it? Or does it even exist? Or am I just being idealistic? I wish I could be rid of this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach gnawing at me night and day.

Im frustrated! Im frustrated because my life is always full of questions and turns and crossroads and so many obstacles. I keep thinking...alright...it will get easier...Allah swt only tests those he loves and just maybe he loves me.

I vowed to never become a typical desi but here I am...so typical its scaring me. What am I doing? Where is the unconventional Reha? Where is the daredevil that people used to admire so much? All of a sudden I looked up and my beautiful crazy curls have been smoothed down, shiny simple studs in my ears, Im wearing shalwar kameez, cooking, cleaning like a woman possessed, quieter, etc. Am I losing myself or is this maturity? There are days when I feel like this is how its supposed to be and then there are days when I miss my mean streak.

Is this normal? Why so many question Allah Mian???

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	One day it's going to come to you and your soul purpose and destiny will clear as day in front of you.
	Posted May 25th, 2009 at 11:34 PM by njgal

It's strange. I was wondering the same thing myself last night. Thinking that I haven't really accomplished anything huge (my dream of publishing a book and traveling the world). It was depressing mood to be in.

Then I remembered reading a quote on GS: "The best things in life aren't things." And I felt better because there is so much to be grateful for (family, sincere friends, health,etc).

You can't be in one state all the time. With my mom, I'm more serious. With my sisters and friends I'm more the zany dare-devil. When I'm relaxed, I can be silly. When I need to be serious, I'm serious. There are days I wear diamond studs and put my hair in a pony tail. And there are days when I wear huge hoops, and bright lime-green eyeshadow, and let my hair down. Variety is the spice of life right? Sometimes others need a change and so do we.

Do you think maybe you're feeling this way because you'll be getting married soon? Is it the fear of losing your identity? Yes, it does have a bit to do with maturity. You have more responsibilities now as an adult.....but that doesn't mean that you've lost the essence of Reha. It's still there......it's just that now you have also have the wisdom of experience and deeper insight into things.

Take out a sheet of paper and write down the things you want to do. Is it traveling? Starting a fund-raiser for the needy? Becoming an English professor? Writing a book (you'd be good at it)? And take small steps toward those goals.

Sometimes I make a list of small goals and then I try my best to do them. Sometimes the goals are silly....like trying sushi. Or swimming.

Here's an idea. Get with one of your closest friends. And make a list of some zany/not so zany things you both have always wanted to try. And then make it a point to try all of those things together each week. Go down your list and cross items off. Just a thought.

Also, there are many people (celebs for example) who have FAME and everything money can buy, but they're miserable. Perhaps because they're so far removed from the more simple and free pleasures of life.

You are Reha. A daughter. A sister. A caring friend. An AMAZING adviser on GS. You've touched the lives of people in so many ways. You've cheered people when they were sad. You've guided those who were lost. You've eased the suffering of those in pain. You've encouraged those who felt hopeless. You've helped educate those who were ignorant. You've helped open eyes that were closed. You've prevent someone from hurting themselves. As a college adviser, and an adviser on GS, and as a sister, and as a friend...........you've done all these things and you continue to do so. These are the more important and spiritually uplifting things in life. And that's who you are...whether you're in diamond studs or hoops...straight hair or curls....Reha is still the bold fun-loving Reha of old......only better, more comprehensive, stronger, richer, and wiser!

We've read your posts, you're still unconventional. How? Well, you don't follow or agree with many of the paindu beliefs of desi society. And you implement your open mindedness in your personal life regardless of what society says. So, yes, you're still the rebel you were before.....only now your rebel against deeper issues. You dare to stand up for what is right. So, you're still BOLD....only over the years you've learned to stand up for bolder issues as opposed to superficial ones. See what I mean? You decided for yourself when to get married. You don't put up with crap from anyone. The very fact that you are an independent woman who speaks her own mind is in itself QUITE THE FEAT in our conservative desi society. And trust me, not every woman has those traits. The qualities that you think you've lost are still there....but in a different way...a more stronger and developed way

Cleaning and cooking are an ordinary part of life....they don't define who you are as a person. And reading the examples above, you should know that you are ANYTHING but typical. Cheer up Reha....you haven't disappeared anywhere! And there are still many more places for you to go, many more friends to make, many more milestones in your life yet to accomplish

Posted May 26th, 2009 at 02:09 AM by redvelvet redvelvet is offline

Updated May 26th, 2009 at 02:23 AM by redvelvet


	Posted May 26th, 2009 at 03:50 AM by adeeba

I feel that way too Reha... I too want that feeling of contentment to come to me .. it never does and when I pray to Allah mian I feel so guilty that He has bestowed his most chosen blessings on me and yet here I am the drama queen still wanting more and more

... We just have to look at our less fortunate brothers and sisters in islam to get the feeling of contentment ... I have started looking at them more often and it does bring my out of my ideal world ...

yeah a time comes in life you are no more the same meany evil soul you once used to be ..

why do you think everyone remembers their early youth forever? but every phase in life has its beauty, we have enjoyed the evil ,devil in us ... now lets enjoy the nicer, mature, kind side of our soul..

Posted May 26th, 2009 at 06:00 AM by Chicken Biryani Chicken Biryani is offline

Aisha...your post made me so happy! Man, I wish you were here, I would have a blast with you...I know it. You're right about everything and I felt so much better after reading what you wrote...thank you for taking the time to calm me down! Ive been a complete ball of nerves lately...cant even describe it. Im going to do exactly what you said...write down my small goals and acheive them one at a time.

CB...you and Aisha are like my long lost sisters!!! LOL. Im not alone!!! Im not abnormal!!

Thank you ladies for all your hugs, support and wisdom!

Posted May 26th, 2009 at 03:16 PM by PSquared PSquared is offline

Hehe remember what a ball of nerves Mina was as her wedding date was approaching? The whole idea of being a wife seemed so surreal to her. It's totally normal. I've seen my cousins and friends get anxious in a similar manner prior to their wedding. And guess what? My closest childhood friend and some of my cousins are STILL in many ways the same fun-loving people even after marriage. They've matured, gotten wiser, but we stil act silly and crack up over stupid things. And if only they lived in Florida near me.......we'd be sillier, lol.

Posted May 26th, 2009 at 06:04 PM by redvelvet redvelvet is offline

RV, that's my signature

P2-there's nothing wrong with you..your big day is right around the corner..you are probably just realizing the fact that life is bringing drastic changes your way, and you are maturing (unknowingly?). We go through different phases and each phase forms our personality in a different way. We are still the same, but with different perspectives and priorities.

I, however, changed for the worse. I was mature before I got married. After shadi, I felt as if I had become more laid back, careless and just plain silly. Even my husband sometimes asks whatever happened to the 'old you'

I like myself better now though.

Hope I made some sense

Posted May 26th, 2009 at 09:28 PM by farishta2 farishta2 is offline

Updated May 26th, 2009 at 09:36 PM by farishta2

	Farishta........so you're the genius who sports such a profound quote ! It's a nice quote and when you take the time to reflect over it, it puts things in perspective for ya
	Posted May 27th, 2009 at 12:22 AM by redvelvet Updated May 27th, 2009 at 06:03 PM by redvelvet

	Farishta...you make sense. Im just under a lot of stress these days. Thank you for being there for me...all of you. Aisha, where is Mina?
	Posted May 27th, 2009 at 03:22 AM by PSquared

	Where's Mina? No clue. And when you get married, you better not disappear on me like that either! Okay?
	Posted May 27th, 2009 at 06:03 PM by redvelvet

	I promise you lady, I am not going anywhere...you might even get sick of me and change your nick or something!!! LOLOL!
	Posted May 28th, 2009 at 12:01 AM by PSquared