http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/ The largest Pakistani Bulletin board and portal en Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:40:53 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.paklinks.com/gs/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/ http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/61797-oh-cuteness.html Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:09:41 GMT SO as many of you already know, the famous neice - Sumaiya - is in Boston and away from me. I miss her to bits and pieces. Today, I called her and talked to her for a few minutes as she is 2 1/2 now and talking sooo much. She was being put down for a nap and as usual, that means a fight. She... SO as many of you already know, the famous neice - Sumaiya - is in Boston and away from me. I miss her to bits and pieces.

Today, I called her and talked to her for a few minutes as she is 2 1/2 now and talking sooo much. She was being put down for a nap and as usual, that means a fight. She gets on the phone and starts babbling in her baby talk:

"Hala (khala), I no vant to go into the sleep. I vant to vatch my show. I no vant to vatch mama ta (ka) show. I love you Hala."

Ohmigosh, what do they put in these babies? She is like a bag of sugar solidified!!! Itni meethi meethi baatein, I just feel like eating her face up!

Btw, this is what she looks like now:




My precious little guriya...I love her. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/61797-oh-cuteness.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/61123-has-really-been-year.html Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:59:03 GMT Its been one full year since she has been gone. Last year, in the first week of Ramadan, I lost someone very precious to me, my nani. I dont even know what to write because no words really embody my emotions...nothing I write seems enough. I type and delete, type and delete. I wonder why... Its been one full year since she has been gone.

Last year, in the first week of Ramadan, I lost someone very precious to me, my nani. I dont even know what to write because no words really embody my emotions...nothing I write seems enough. I type and delete, type and delete. I wonder why Allah swt took away someone so important to us, someone we all desperately needed.

I still feel her hands, smell her itar, hear her voice and laugh and remember her face. She was always so incredibly warm and soft.

I just miss her and wish she was here. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/61123-has-really-been-year.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/57859-has-beens.html Mon, 20 Jul 2009 03:07:54 GMT My fellow Pakistanis who are living in large Indo-Pak communities will understand where Im coming from. I am living in Chicago, IL...Desi Central if you know what I mean. Recently, Ive started to come across a specific type of Pakistani. The kind that lived in Karachi and was mildly active in... My fellow Pakistanis who are living in large Indo-Pak communities will understand where Im coming from. I am living in Chicago, IL...Desi Central if you know what I mean.

Recently, Ive started to come across a specific type of Pakistani. The kind that lived in Karachi and was mildly active in politics and knew a lot of people in all the right places. Then, they came here and started their life from scratch. In America, you dont have maids and no one does anything for you for free. But when they got here, its like they got stuck in some sort of time capsule. Their egos are huge and for some reason still believe they have influence here because they belong to MQM. I am supposed to be impressed by that, ignore their rudeness and bow down to them because they WERE something in some unknown GALI-KOONCHA of Karachi.

Sorry buddy, I dont know MQM. Furthermore, I dont care about MQM. MQM does not pay my bills, taxes or do anything for me...it means bull crap if you belong to it...especially if you're rude to me. MQM has no influence here and will never have any influence here if the people involved continue to be ignorant, uneducated and JAHIL!

I am fuming because this BOZO is rude, insulting and nasty with my family - behind my parents' back - and I every single time. And its all because we dont acknowledge his position and influence in MQM or flock to his home at the drop of a hat. WHY??? Why should I or my father be impressed by some HAS BEEN who drives a cab on the sly now (he thinks no one knows)??? WHO the hell cares??? I dont understand it! IF he was nice or cordial, I would be. But he isnt. He actually dared to tell me stuff about my family - thinking I wouldnt know it already. "Your grandfather was this and your uncle was that and I really liked them"...and the entire time I am thinking to myself: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??? He thinks since I was born here, I would have no clue about what I am or where I came from.

YOU'RE A HAS BEEN...IF YOU WANT MY RESPECT SHOW ME WHAT YOU ARE HERE AND NOW. DONT YOU DARE TRY TO IMPRESS ME WITH POLITICAL B.S. THINKING I DONT GET IT. FURTHERMORE, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ANYONE THAT POSSESSES MY LAST NAME OR DNA! ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/57859-has-beens.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/55436-chaand-taarey.html Tue, 26 May 2009 03:13:38 GMT Here we are...living life to its fullest arent we? I think Im here to get a few things off my chest so I can breathe easier. Every so often, my shoulders become heavy and I start to feel down because I have to unlaod all that Im carrying on them. So, here it is. Im talking to you, to Allah... Here we are...living life to its fullest arent we?

I think Im here to get a few things off my chest so I can breathe easier. Every so often, my shoulders become heavy and I start to feel down because I have to unlaod all that Im carrying on them. So, here it is. Im talking to you, to Allah swt...to anyone that is listening out there.

What am I searching for? Why doesnt this feeling of curiosity die already? I dont understand why I feel this way or what Im even looking for. Someone tell me! Is there ever a point in our lives when we feel content? Im not talking about feeling insanely happy because thats a moment...not a state of mind. So, what am I looking for? I want to feel like Ive arrived or my quest is finally over or Ive reached my destination. Where is it? Or does it even exist? Or am I just being idealistic? I wish I could be rid of this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach gnawing at me night and day.

Im frustrated! Im frustrated because my life is always full of questions and turns and crossroads and so many obstacles. I keep thinking...alright...it will get easier...Allah swt only tests those he loves and just maybe he loves me.

I vowed to never become a typical desi but here I am...so typical its scaring me. What am I doing? Where is the unconventional Reha? Where is the daredevil that people used to admire so much? All of a sudden I looked up and my beautiful crazy curls have been smoothed down, shiny simple studs in my ears, Im wearing shalwar kameez, cooking, cleaning like a woman possessed, quieter, etc. Am I losing myself or is this maturity? There are days when I feel like this is how its supposed to be and then there are days when I miss my mean streak.

Is this normal? Why so many question Allah Mian??? ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/55436-chaand-taarey.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/53710-its-been-while-hasnt.html Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:54:34 GMT Havent done a blog entry in ages right? Well, I thought I would drop a line to say I might be a little out of the loop because.............. IM GONNA GO AND SEE MY NIECE IN BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I excited? Beyond words! Can I wait to just take her in my arms and kiss her all... Havent done a blog entry in ages right? Well, I thought I would drop a line to say I might be a little out of the loop because..............

IM GONNA GO AND SEE MY NIECE IN BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I excited? Beyond words! Can I wait to just take her in my arms and kiss her all over? Absolutely NOT!

Im going to spend a week with my two year old little terror and just spoil the daylights out of her! Im leaving early tomorrow morning...I am so excited! My suitcase is packed with presents for her...lol. :hehe:

I wish my GSers a great week and much love from me. I'll be back soon! ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/53710-its-been-while-hasnt.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/52868-na-koi-hai-na-koi-tha.html Tue, 24 Mar 2009 00:31:18 GMT Today, I thought about my little chutki all day. She is very very sick for some reason...wont keep anything down and is running a fever. Im extremely worried about her! Im booking tickets for April 10th so I can go and see her myself. Im restless...the doctors havent said anything but please please... Today, I thought about my little chutki all day. She is very very sick for some reason...wont keep anything down and is running a fever. Im extremely worried about her! Im booking tickets for April 10th so I can go and see her myself. Im restless...the doctors havent said anything but please please please pray for my little one...that she recovers and goes back to being a healthy and vibrant child. She is the light of my life and I cant stand the thought of her being sick. :(

May Allah swt make my gurdiya all better! Ameen! ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/52868-na-koi-hai-na-koi-tha.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/51076-gurdiya.html Sun, 01 Feb 2009 09:13:54 GMT Im sure all of you have already read about how crazy I am about my niece. No, Im not wierd. All of us love our nieces and nephews, of course! I guess for me its really deep because her birth Mashallah, changed a lot of things in my family. My father is a diabetic, 3 time stroke survivor and a... Im sure all of you have already read about how crazy I am about my niece. No, Im not wierd. All of us love our nieces and nephews, of course! I guess for me its really deep because her birth Mashallah, changed a lot of things in my family.

My father is a diabetic, 3 time stroke survivor and a heart patient. After going so much, he had become quiet, a bit emotional and reserved, not sure of the word Im looking for here. The doctor had warned us of this though. We accepted it and did our best to take care of him.

My mom worked hard all her life...the stories I could tell you guys. Amazing and unbelievable.

My sisters and I were at odds most of the time because of whatever reason. We're all strong headed, independant and opinionated.

When my niece came along, things changed. She brought us all together in a way Ive never seen before. Mashallah. My dad has a fear of planes now but he sat in one two weeks ago just for the baby. He is her favorite playmate and she adores him more then any of us. Yeah, Im jealous...lol. When we got to Boston, she saw my dad and screamed "Nannaaaa Ajaoooooo", ran to his arms and just hugged him forever. He had tears in his eyes. Ive never seen him so happy and so alive. He went all over the city with us, which again doesnt happen a lot. He prefers to be home. But for my niece, he would do anything.

My mom took care of her since the day she was born and she loved every minute of it. She became so involved in my niece, she barely noticed the day go by. We were worried she would be bored and lonely now that she isnt working but she was more then fine. They would sit down and have reading time and even prayed together! Mashallah. She would follow my mom around and do dum on everyone! LOL. My mother's day revolved around her feeding and pooping schedule...

My sisters and I never bickered again, save for a few light arguments here and there. Her birth changed us all and we became a completely different bunch. For Sumaiya, all of us were willing to put everything behind. I remember crying when I first held her, couldnt believe I was a Khala now...well, according to her...Hala but still. She became the center of our world and no one said no to her. With so much spunk and life, how could she not? Everywhere she went, she made friends and was a hit! How can anyone not love a child like that?

With her coming into the world, my family changed for the better. Maybe thats why Im so emotional when it comes to her and also children in general. They represent only good and trust you so willingly. They're masoom and untainted by the world so they love unconditionally. They're our future and such a sweet future too. She brought out a side of myself, my sisters, my parents that I thought was gone. With just one beautiful smile. :)

This is my little angel. Please say Mashallah and give her a small dua that she stays happy forever. Ameen. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/51076-gurdiya.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/50446-something-strange.html Wed, 14 Jan 2009 11:47:30 GMT Today I was out with my mom apartment hunting and just touring the area I want to move to eventually. We stopped and picked up some lunch to have at home and I was about to jump on the highway when my mom said she wanted to stop at her friend's house for 5 minutes. No problem. She told me she wanted to see her friend's mother who had been visiting but will be leaving for Pakistan soon.

Now, I know this aunty very well because she is responsible for my fiance and I being together. She hooked us up. And her mother is like another grandmother to me. She is the funniest woman you will ever meet! Always used to hug me and say "Bas, tumhe dulhan bane huwe dekhna hai". At my sister's wedding, she was right next to me singing and even kicked all the guys out so us girls could dance later on! One COOL woman and just a darling.

Today, I walked into my aunty's house expecting her to do the same. I totally expected her to "daant" me and ask me where Ive been and how come I havent come over yet. But when I stepped into the family room, I was shocked. She was just lying on the couch with half her face covered and didnt move when I sat down next to her. I was confused because her eyes were open so I took her hand and she squeezed it really hard. I asked mom what was wrong and she just mouthed to me "she had a stroke". I didnt know she had a stroke and started to tear up a bit but wiped them away quickly because I didnt want her to see me crying. I took her hands and started to squeeze them back and asked her if she remembered me and she didnt. Man, that hurt. So I laughed it off and started talking to her about the time she had come over and made me sit on my sister's bridal chair so some of that "luck" would rub off on me. She smiled a little. Then I reminded her who my fiance was and I saw a light bulb go on...she remembered a little more. After that, we talked to my aunty for a few minutes and I just sat with her. She cant talk or walk anymore and didnt want her to feel like she wasnt part of the conversation.

While I was sitting there, I looked at her hands. They are just like my precious nani's. You could see small veins running through her delicate skin and her fingers were long and slender. Holding back tears was getting a bit harder. All of a sudden she reached up and kind of touched my face...to tell me she remembered. I was happy now and teased her about it. "How could you forget me?"...lol.

My mom came upto her a few minutes later and said "Ammi iske liye dua karein, mein iski shaadi karrahi hoon". So, she reaches over and puts her hand on my head. That was it...I could NOT hold it in. I cried like a baby and just kept sobbing and sobbing. I kept remembering her, her dua, her hugs, her kisses, all of it. My mom just held me.

You keep moving forward thinking you've dealt with it and it will get easier. It does but that doesnt mean you miss the person any less. You pray for them, think of them, even follow what they say but you miss them telling you to do it. I miss being my nani's bacha. There are days I want to find her, crawl into her lap and just forget everything.

You miss the words, the presence, the security, most of all their unconditional love. You miss the games, the lectures, the "daant", the apologies, the pearls of wisdom and the stories of a time long gone.

May Allah swt grant ALL of our grandparents a high station in Jannatul Firdaus. Ameen. May Allah swt forgive their sins and accept their prayers. Ameen. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/50446-something-strange.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/50041-what-did-2008-leave-me.html Sun, 04 Jan 2009 07:29:06 GMT Wow, its the year 2009 already! Yikes! It seems like yesterday we were all fretting over Y2K and look at us now! For me, 2008 brought a lot of changes into my life and I can honestly say I grew up this year. I got a very nice position with a company whose direction and energy I loved but... Wow, its the year 2009 already! Yikes! It seems like yesterday we were all fretting over Y2K and look at us now!

For me, 2008 brought a lot of changes into my life and I can honestly say I grew up this year.

I got a very nice position with a company whose direction and energy I loved but due to this horrid recession, they're barely making it so I got laid off. Im actually home these days and have never been happier. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off before but I feel so peaceful and serene now. Allah ka shukar hai, he always takes care of us.

I lost my precious and beloved grandmother. Allah unki maghfirat kare. I still dont believe she is gone but I hope and pray that wherever she is, she is happy and proud of us. Sometimes I feel a sense of guilt because she wanted me to get married so badly while she was alive but I just wouldnt. I kept holding out thinking I cant settle until I find The One. I found my fiance but lost my nani and sadly he was unable to meet her. She would have loved him. What I wouldnt give to have her hand on my head and hear her give me dua on my nikah!

I got engaged! I found this amazing man who just adores me...sometimes more than I feel I deserve. He gets worried when Im sick, never lets me leave a shop without buying me something I like, takes me anywhere I want to go, calls me all the time, supports ALL of my crazy dreams and ideas, etc. I dont have a care in the world when he is around. I feel like everything will be okay now. He is smart, religious, educated, loves and understands me. What more can I ask for?

My niece moved to Boston with my sister and BIL. She is saying her name so clearly now, Mashallah. Before all I heard was Chummo...today I heard Soooomaaaaaaaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaa, lol. Translation: Sumaiya. I call her Meri Jaan, so she calls herself Meri Jaan too now, LOL. Her voice sounded so sweet and beautiful to my ears today...felt like squeezing her on the spot! If you guys met her, you would just eat her...she is scrumptious with dimples everywhere!!! Mashallah. And her Khala knows how to spoil her...Princess Sumaiya is not even two and has her own little collection of purses that she carries in the crook of her arm so delicately you would think she was transporting diamonds.




Thats my tiny little angel...say Mashallah please! Allah buri nazar se bachaye!

I let go of the past this year. I finally allowed myself to move past these invisible barriers and walls I had up to laugh and smile with the rest of the world. It felt like I had been hibernating. I really came to terms with what happened, closed my eyes to see if I felt any anger...I didnt. In fact, I felt nothing. I wish everyone the best and nothing less!

Im proud of myself guys! Ive been quite a busy bee in the year 2008 and made it out sane and alive!

I learned a lot, gained a lot, lost a lot and overall have come to appreciate the people around me. :) ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/50041-what-did-2008-leave-me.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/49750-chummo-jaanu.html Sat, 27 Dec 2008 22:03:25 GMT Im sure all of you have read about my little treasure...my baby niece. Today is a sad day for me because she left. I just cannot stop crying. Her father found a job in Boston and has been there for about 5 months already. He was offered a contract, he took it and now they have all moved there... Im sure all of you have read about my little treasure...my baby niece.

Today is a sad day for me because she left. I just cannot stop crying. Her father found a job in Boston and has been there for about 5 months already. He was offered a contract, he took it and now they have all moved there for the time being. They rented an SUV, loaded it up and took my little princess with them.

I know everyone loves their nieces and nephews but I just adore mine. My younger sister calls me Baji so Baby calls me Baji too now. When I woke up every morning, I would hear her knocking on the door and saying loudly "Baji Ajaooooo"...lol. She got a brand new doll from my dad and she calls the doll Munni. My laptop is a "top" and when someone is changing her diaper, she sings "Baby chaap chaap" meaning Baby ko saaf saaf karrahe hein, lol. I taught her how to say "Uff!" and smack her little head in the process. Somewhere along the way, we started calling her Chummo Jaanu (her name is Sumaiya), Chummo Baba, Chummo Tota (because she is just like a tota) and now she calls herself Chummo too. Everytime Chummo wears new clothes, everyone says Mashallah. Now, she says it herself: Chummo Machannaaaa, LOL.

She kept me so busy, especially after I stopped working. I took care of her all day long and did nothing but enjoy her innocent little moments. We watched TV together, played together, ate together, etc. My sis didnt get a day off for Eid so I took my niece to Eid namaz with me too. We have child gates everywhere, all the doors have child locks on them, we still have baby wipes and diapers in the garage.

I know its for the best but I got so attached to her and love her so much! They will be back but what if I miss out on her new moments? What if she starts saying full sentences that make sense and Im not there to see it? I feel like I lost a limb or something. I saw her driving away and stared at the car thinking there goes my teeny tiny little diva. She became such a huge part of our everyday lives that even trips to downtown were planned with Baby in mind. Right now, there are baby clothes all over the house and I even see an empty baby bottle on the counter. The house feels so empty without her - like someone turned the lights off.

I just dont know what Im going to do without her. Ive seen her since she was less than an hour old...how am I going to be able to stand seeing her twice a year?

I just cant stop crying... ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/49750-chummo-jaanu.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/49361-my-niece-taught-me-lesson-today.html Wed, 17 Dec 2008 03:58:55 GMT I have a niece who will be 2 years old in Feb, Inshallah. She is my world and means everything to me. When I come home, she follows me into my room and plays with everything she can reach. She is talking a little now so I hear things like "Aala (khala) Ajaoooo", cookie is "tooti", dupatta is "patta", ketchup is "tutup", etc. We were at Tahoora a few weeks ago and she offered her mango shake to these strangers who were sitting a few seats away from us. She will smile at people all the time, make friends wherever she goes or leave at least a few admirers trailing behind her in baby Nikes, lol.

Her innocent hugs and baby kisses got me thinking today. What happened to us? Where did our love for all mankind go? Do we become so tainted/jaded with the world we forget that all these people around us are after all Allah swt's creations? They belong to Him too. That Hindu neighbor, Jewish clerk, Christian priest...are all Allah swt's creatures. Tell me if Im being naive here...but isnt this true???

Maybe Allah swt listens to children's and elder's duas more because of their pure hearts? Maybe he wants us to be the same way and we dont realize it? I dont think we were meant to be as separated and prejudiced as we have become.

Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to all the innocense we were born with? Have you noticed how babies love? They love with NO conditions! There is no age, race, creed, religion or sexual orientation in their eyes. They just give off love and the sweetest kind of all!

Im posting this because recently I heard a family member of mine say he was going to boycott all Indian services/products because of all the negativity towards Pakistanis regarding the Mumbai attacks. I think if Pakistan showed a little bit of love or hamdardi towards India right now...would that hurt? They're in pain and need help...is it bad to help them because they are non-Muslim? When I give charity, I dont think whose stomach this is going to...a Muslim or Hindu...Pakistani or Indian...I just GIVE. Thats it. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/49361-my-niece-taught-me-lesson-today.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/47932-what-woman.html Tue, 11 Nov 2008 06:50:09 GMT So this past Ramadan was the probably the hardest one of my life. My grandmother passed away in the first week of Ramadan.

My precious Nani was about 4'8". Generally, we're very small people though, I am only 5'3" myself. This tiny little woman had gotten married in Lakhnow, lived through the Partition, came to Pakistan, had 6 children, lost one, raised the rest and got only three of them married when my amazing Nana passed away. She raised her grandchildren in Pakistan, came to America, devoted herself to the religious instruction of my siblings and I (she taught all four girls Qur'an) and got the remainder of her children married here.

She taught me how to make round roti, daal, rice, salan, etc. I still remember how many times she made me knead dough to get it at the right consistency. My first dish was Irhar ki daal and rice and I got a pair of shoes for it as a present! They were shiny red peep-toes! I would come home from school, have a snack, do my homework and then spend the remainder of my evening with my Nani reading Qur'an, practicing my sabaq and correcting my mistakes.

I used to get sick a lot as a child. Allergies, sensitivities to weather and whatnot. I still remember her hands and how soft they were on my forehead. She had worked SO hard all her life and yet her hands were still so fair, delicate and soft.

She was so naik all her life. She wore burqah as long as I can remember, read Qur'an every morning, prayed, fasted (even tho she was too weak), taught us how to pray and fast too. She did my roza kushai and my nashrah (ameen). All you heard from her was dua for her children and her grandkids.

I cant describe my emotions when this was happening or even when it happened. She had been sick for a while - breast cancer. But she had also made it out of the hospital numerous times before. Three years ago she was on life support for TWO weeks! The doctors kept arguing with me that we were putting her through pain and suffering but she woke up and walked out of the hospital!

This time was serious because she ended up in a hospice and people rarely make it out of there to go home. I kept thinking why on earth is she here? WHO would want to see the bleak walls of a hospice in their final moments when they have seen such a full life? Those pale walls and that wierd sterile feeling? I wanted to whisk her away, take her home and bring her back to health.

You know what happened? She spoke to me. She had been in and out of consciousness for two weeks and wouldnt talk to anyone or eat anything. She and I always used to joke around about how much she loved my roti because she taught me how to make it. So, I leaned over and started talking in her ear and said "Nani, aap jaldi se utke mere saat ghar chalein. Mein apke liye roti banaungi aur apne mujhe ab tak nihari banani bhi nahin sikhayi hai!" and I couldnt believe it when she turned her head to me and said "Inshallah beta"!!!! And then she reached over and kissed me and all of my sisters. Can you believe it?

The thing is, the wonderful woman that my Nani was, she looked out for us until the end of her days. My mother's side of the family had been in a feud for quite some time and this had really troubled her. When all of her kids were there, I could tell something was still on her mind because she was trying SO hard to talk but couldnt. Her body was working so hard to breathe, she was sweating. She was completely delirious but still there and trying to make a point. She just wouldnt let go. My sisters and I rounded up my mom and her siblings and had a talk with them. After many tears and a lot of convincing we got them to hug and forgive each other.

As soon as we told her all of her kids were there and they had all made up, she started to slip away. I saw sukoon in her. We were all there and kept reading kalma to her and crying because it was the end and no one could believe it. I cant seem to accept it no matter what anyone says that she is gone. It just doesnt hit home for me. I still remember holding her hand to my face, I started to feel it getting cold and thats when I knew she was slipping away.

The funeral was another ordeal. I wanted to touch her and wake her up but she looked so peaceful and serene. Her face looked like she was just sleeping after a long and tired day. These realities, a funeral, my grandmother, a Janaza, a cemetary, a burial, a casket, etc. Are they really happening? It was like a bad dream and I just couldnt wake up!

Around the last days, the day she passed and for days/weeks afterwards, we got calls of condolences from all over the world! She knew people in China, Dubai, US, Canada, India, Pakistan, Thailand, etc. She had touched all these people, given them dua, given them some love they held onto all their lives. Its amazing. She was amazing.

I still feel her around me when I concentrate. A white shawl, tasbeeh in her hand, sitting on her bed and looking out the window from her bedroom, smelling of itr emeralds in her ears and so warm all the time.

November 6th marked two months my Nani has been gone. I just pray that Allah swt has forgiven all of her sins and she is happy in Jannat. I pray that she sees me and she is proud. I hope she has forgiven me for any battameezi I ever did as a child. I hope she is there when I get married to give me dua. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/47932-what-woman.html http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/47572-my-right.html Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:31:08 GMT I wake up, I take a shower, change clothes and run out the door to catch my train which leaves in 10 minutes and I still have to buy my parking permit! Im SO late! I get to the city, walk to Starbucks, buy my Caramel Macchiato with double shots of espresso and then walk to work. Im so... I wake up, I take a shower, change clothes and run out the door to catch my train which leaves in 10 minutes and I still have to buy my parking permit! Im SO late!

I get to the city, walk to Starbucks, buy my Caramel Macchiato with double shots of espresso and then walk to work.

Im so ungrateful. I dont understand what people would give to have the type of normalcy I have in my life right now. The problems I face are NOTHING compared to what some have to go through.

This mundane life that I take for granted is a blessing! The fact that I even have a coat I can throw on the back of a chair is a blessing! The fact that I have shoes to beat up is a blessing! The fact that I have food to complain about is a blessing! The fact that I can even afford to buy Starbucks is a blessing!

Alhumdulillah, I have a family: sisters, parents and a (Mashallah) beautiful baby niece who is the center of my world (I call her Baby Kong cuz she's so tiny but isnt scared of ppl twice her size). I met someone yesterday who has no idea who their father even was. This person never knew what a family was.

I complain because I dont make enough to buy LV or Dior all the time but I do make enough to buy small luxuries for myself, Alhumdulillah. For some people, having enough shower water is a luxury yet I get upset if the water turns a little cool. I shut up as soon as I realize how shallow I must sound.

I cant imagine what life would be like without the things I have and do right now. I feel really terrible about that so I make an effort to stop wasting things, money, time, etc.

There are moments when I have to pause for a moment because Ive just realized that other people would kill to have what I have and here I am treating it like its my right. Its a privelage to be here. There is no difference between myself and another girl in Pakistan who is struggling to make ends meet...I didnt earn my place by doing something wonderful before I was born. It was Allah's decision and pure luck for me. ]]> PSquared http://www.paklinks.com/gs/blogs/psquared/47572-my-right.html