Love the lyrics to this, reminds me of my family. And forsaking humble roots for higher society.

You want to grow up to paint houses like me, a trailer in my yard till you're 23
You want to feel old after 42 years, keep dropping the hammer and grinding the gears

Well, I used to go out in a Mustang, a 302 Mach One in green.
Me and your Mama made you in the back and I sold it to buy her a ring.
And I learned not to say much of nothing so I figure...

Im not known for having the most cheerful outlook on life. But today is one of those days that breaks in every so often, and forces the most curmudgeonly of us to thank God.

Its 1:30 pm, my job allows me to saunter in taking a detour through a sparsely populated Hyde Park, listening to xx on youtube (im sitting on a park bench now). The weather is lovely, sunny with the faintest hint of nip to remind you that you didnt think you'd see a day like this again for another six months....

As the bus he's been waiting for speeds towards the bus stop he doesnt hold his hand out. He scowls at the bus driver saying in his head "You're not going to leave ME behind are you?". The bus swerves to a halt at his feet. He boards the bus acknowledging the bus driver for his deference alongwith with the passenger who actually hailed the bus.. a part of him hoping one day he believes in these powers. And grinning at the title of this blog post.

slept 20 hours last night. thought those days were long gone when i could do that

its this bed, i've put an extra mattress from my sofa bed on it so its the softest thing you can imagine.

Have always rocked. Soulful underground southern rock that is. Links in with the last blog too.



If that songs got you blue listen to this



Then get in bed, turn off the lights and put this on.

One of the habits you pick up living in the West is to suspend judgement for social reasons. But how much of that do you internalize? Do your own values change because you dont disassociate with what conflicts with them?

A person with there is considerable recent contact dresses in a way that I would have found inappropriate a few years ago. Its strange that this same person is always seriously...

car alarms, and douchebags who let them go on for three hours straight in the middle of the night.

****ing sickos, social misanthropes without a shred of regard for basic human decency.

I feel today as I feel I always have been when I remove myself from the task of living.

A traveling show without need for an audience.
No God shaped hole.
Disconnected from the particular. Disdainful for the small particulars of others and solitary for it.
Nostalgic about the present.
Enraptured with my window into human existence, with myself as the star exhibit. And a little bored of the view.
Lavishing specks of time as if I had an eternity to...

I have moved again, straight across the city to West London.

All the stuff from my two bedroom flat is now dumped inside a medium sized studio. Which means that I have to complete an obstacle course everytime I go pee. Which is not fun at night.

The rent difference is not huge, which tells you something about the areas where I moved from and to. East London is nice as an experience. Builds character. Teaches you important life lessons like NEVER rely on bus number 147...

Kal jo hua hai duf'atan, us se mera mukalma
Khoobi-e-ikhtisar ka tajraba kuch unique hai
Mai ne kaha ke bazm-e-naz, us ne kaha ke "kia kaha "
Mai ne kaha ke "kuch nahi :s", us ne kaha ke "theek hai"

There is no escaping your desire to please yourself. It is pervasive, infinitely recursive. Apparent self denial, even self-conscious avoidance of self indulgence is hedonism for a different set of pleasure centers, remote and unacknowledged.

You catch yourself enjoying someone buying the perception you sell them, and feel bad. All the while understanding how much credit you're giving yourself for feeling bad. That the pride you feel on being a good guy for atleast knowing when you...

This post is not for the squeemish.

A wok of mine has been in the 'washing up process' for two days. This means filling it with water and then returning to it at a later date when I am feeling more upto the rigours of dish washing. So today when I came home the friend currently staying with me noticed that a slug was hovering at the top of the wok, seemingly drinking the water. There was some dismay, nobody likes seeing slugs much less on household equipment. Nevertheless we decided...

One of my favourite passages from The Brothers Karamazov. The context is of the inquisition. Jesus Christ returns to earth and is performing miracles. The church has him arrested and the grand inquisitor is now confronting Jesus.

The Grand Inquisitor recognizes Jesus, but tells him that he will have to face judgement.. and levies charges against him. This is part of his speech:

"Judge Thyself who was right--Thou or he who questioned Thee then? Remember the first...

I find fervent belief in any idea irritating. when someone speaks to me with the excited glint of a new convert or the conviction of the true believer, i usually am in for a long-drawn battle where I will be the relentless skeptic. To some extent its driven by my skepticism in claims of "proof", but I dont really need to make a point of it.

today it was about 9/11, a friend of mine has converted to the idea of it all being a hoax after watching the movie zeitgeist on youtube....

people dont see who i am because they like to see who i could be