phoenix51

Ok I'm really rather worried about my niece. She's 11 years old and Mash'Allah very pretty...but she's extremely conscious of her looks and her weight.

She doesn't think she's very attractive and also thinks she's fat - which I can quite categorically say she's not! She must weigh no more than around 4 stones and she's of average height for her age.

She doesn't eat very much, no matter how many tempting dishes her mother (my sis) prepares for her. We've tried convincing her to eat and all eat together so she doesn't feel pressured but she'll have a couple of spoonfuls and won't finish her food.

Recently, my sis has adopted a technique of 'if you don't finish it that's what you'll get for dinner tomorrow' because she's determined to teach her daughter not to waste food and to appreciate what has been provided because there are so many who have less.

However, things have taken an even more serious turn. My sis came over yesterday and told us that over the last week or so she's found small bags filled with vomit in the bin. She confronted my niece who's admitted that she's been throwing up her food after eating and disposing of it like that so that no-one found out...

We can't understand what to do next. She's from a very stable home, her parents dote over one another and all their children. There's no evidence of bullying at school, just this refusal to eat. We are starting to get very worried...constructive thoughts or suggetions would be greatly appreciated...

amana

Your niece needs professional help as soon as possible. Bulimia (purging) is a very serious disease and can have horrible consequences on her health. Have you taken her to a doctor yet? She needs counseling to help her develop a healthy body image. I know that there is a lot of stigma in asian culture towards counseling or outside help, but this is beyond what you and your sister can cure.

Your sister also needs to understand that there is nothing that she or other family members did wrong, or the way that she was raised.

phoenix51

^ thanks for your advice Amana, no we haven't taken her to a doctor yet, my sis only told us yesterday

But I will suggest to her that she makes an appointment asap. I don't know how my neice will react to having to talk about this, she shies away from the subject if we try and discuss it with her...and gets quite upset with us for bringing it up

But I guess the professionals would know how to handle it better...

Orpheus

I've come across a website that maybe of some help.

http://www.edauk.com/YoungPeople/GettingHelp

I don't know what to say, but amana did raise a good point. It could also be other factors as to why she doesn't eat, these can include: low self-esteem, family relationships, problems with friends, problems at school, lack of confidence, sexual or emotional abuse. Many people talk about simply feeling ‘too fat’ or ‘not good enough’.

phoenix51

^ Thanks Orpheus this is really useful!

I will pass it onto my sis and hopefully this will give her some other avenues to explore...

Orpheus

...so has there been any discussion with her to tackle the problem?

phoenix51

^ Yeah, spoke to my sis after posting here and suggested that my niece needs to get some help

Thankfully, she took it on board and will speak to her hubby and arrange an appointment with the family GP.

Insha'Allah all will be well

Thanks for your input guys...much appreciated