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What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Answer: "Lazy."

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Understanding a Woman


We need REALLY MEANS I want

You want REALLY MEANS You need

It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.

We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain

Do what you want REALLY MEANS You'll pay for this later.

You're ... so manly REALLY MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to.

I'm not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight. REALLY MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?

This kitchen is so inconvenient REALLY MEANS I want a new house.

You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.

Yes REALLY MEANS No

No REALLY MEANS No

Maybe REALLY MEANS No

I heard a noise REALLY MEANS I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? REALLY MEANS I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? REALLY MEANS I did something you're not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. REALLY MEANS Be patient I'll be a while.

Am I a little fat? REALLY MEANS Tell me I'm beautiful.

I'm sorry. REALLY MEANS You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? REALLY MEANS It's easy to fix, so get used to it.

Was that the baby? REALLY MEANS Why don't you wake up and deal with the baby.

I'm not yelling! REALLY MEANS Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.


All we're going to buy is a soap dish REALLY MEANS Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?

The Rules


The female always makes the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

The female can change her mind at any given point in time for any reason.

The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

The female must not, under any circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

Any attempt by the male to document these rules could result in severe bodily harm.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after bagging items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

Shut Up
A husband and wife get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The husband is driving. Cop pulls up to the window and told him he was speeding. He said, "I never speed". The wife says "Yes you do, you speed all the time". So he says "shut the hell up woman, what are you doing?"
The cop says, "I also have to fine you for not having your seat belt on". He says, "I just took it off so I could get my license". The woman says "no, you never wear your seat belt". The man says, "Shut the hell up woman, what are you doing?"
The cop asks the wife "Does he always yell at you like that?"
She replies "Only when he's drinking."

wassif

Ha!

Nice ones

Keep them coming