Ibn Sadique

Once a Molvi, a Priest and a Rabbi got together to discuss how each of them ‘made money’.

The Molvi had the first go as Friday comes earlier than the other two’s religious days and he said the following;

“During the Friday sermons as the collection box is passed around I extol the virtues of spending in the path of Allah and how handsomely they will be rewarded in the Hereafter. When the collection box has passed everybody, only then I wind up my sermon and lead the prayers.

Once everyone has gone I count the money collected very carefully and keep 10% for myself for my efforts.”

Hearing this Rabbi was livid and beyond himself. “You are a thief of God. I am so upset hearing this. How could you decide for yourself this 10% thing? “

Next it was Rabbi’s turn but he excused himself saying that he had not yet recovered from the shock, he requested the Priest to speak instead.

The Priest said that he did the same as the Molvi but blushingly added that he ‘charged’ 5% more for his services as he had to pay for the Sunday roast.

The Rabbi was in an uncontrollable fit again and was shouting on top of his voice. “I knew all along that you both are frauds and you both have no fear of God. How dare you decide for yourselves how much to charge?

After sometime when the Rabbi had ‘recovered from the two shocks’ he in very distinct superior tone said the following: “Unlike you both my task is very difficult. Even though the Jews are ‘loaded’ it is very difficult to get the money out of them. Muslims and Christian pay up, but with Jews parting with money is very difficult. It is just like squeezing water out of a rock. I being faithful servant of God keep on hammering the message home till they have paid up. After all I am collecting this money for God’s sake.

After everyone has gone I diligently count all the money and securely wrap them up in a table cloth. Then I beseech God that I have faithfully collected the money only for Him and for no other reason. I just remind Him that being human I have my needs too but shall not decide for myself how much I must charge for my ‘services’.

Then I toss the table cloth full of money Heavenwards with my entire strength saying;” Lord, this is all for you, keep all that you need and decide yourself what is there for me.”

God being generous that He is, always let’s me have the lot. It’s important for you both to know, unlike you it was not me who decided how much I can have”

Princess Fiona

too long
but still lemme laugh

Zainiest

Good one! Thanks.

Wise One

racist

shahzadqu

Loll

Ibn Sadique

It seems that your sentiments are rather cock-eyed. I didn’t see you express similar sentiments at the Sardarji jokes.

So to tickle your sensitivities a bit more, here’s one more Rabbi joke.

There was a Rabbi who went to the Catholic Priest at the church and asked "How do you get the money to make your church so beautiful?” Father said "We hear confessions; observe while I demonstrate". So the priest gets in the centre compartment, the Rabbi on one side and in walks the first penitent. "It's been one week since my last confession and I have sinned three times".

Father says "For your penance say a Hail Mary and put five dollars in the collection box and your sins will be forgiven". The next penitent walks in and says "It's been one week since my last confession and I've sinned three times".

Father says "For your penance say a Hail Mary and put five dollars in the collection box and your sins will be forgiven". The Rabbi says, "Ooh, can I try?" So the priest and the Rabbi switch booths. In walks the next penitent. "Can I help you" says the Rabbi. The penitent says "It's been one week since my last confession and I've sinned two times". The Rabbi says "Go out and do it a third time; we have a special - Three for five dollars!”

Ibn Sadique

For a good measure you can one more.

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." And the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

And the rabbi said, “And looks at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break, surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "Aren’t you going to have any?" And the rabbi replied, "No . . . I think I'll just wait for the police."