pakiplaya

1. doctor, doctor:
two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the pearly gates.one doctor steps forward and tells st. peter "as a pediatric surgeon i saved hundreds of children. st peter lets him enter the next doctor says as a psychiatrist i helped thousands of people live better lives st peter tells him to go ahead. the last man says i was HMO manager i got countless families cost effective health care. st peter replies you may enter. but he adds you can only stay for three days after that you can go to hell

pakiplaya

the nurse said to the doctor there is an invisilble man in the waiting room . the doctor replied tell him i cant see him now

~*Lay-D Honey*~

where r the other 48..?

pakiplaya

2.timing is everything:
a guy shows up late for work. the boss yells you shouldve been here at 830. the guy replies why what happened at 8.30 "martin levine owner of a movie theater chain in new york city has passed at age 65. the newspaper obit read. the funeral will be held on thursday at 2.10 4.20 6.30 8.40 and 10.50

3.whats in the name: a young man called directory assistance. hello operator i would like the telephone number for mary jones in phoenix arizona. there are multiple listings for mary jones in phoenix the operator replied. do you have a street name. the young man hesitated and then said well most people call me ice man.

4. quacking up: a duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of chapstick. the cashier says to duck its $1.49 the duck says put it on the bill

5. who's counting: how many deadheads does it take to change a light bulb? 12001. thats one to change it 2000 to record the event and take pictures and 10000 to follow it around until it burns out

pakiplaya

6. explosively funny: joe and dave are hunting when dave keels over. frantic, joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, my friend just dropped dead. what should i do. a soothing voice at the other end says dont worry i can help. first lets make sure he's really dead. after a brief silence the operator hears a shot. then joe comes back to the phone. okay he says nervously to the operator what do i do next. after a long career of being blasted into a net the human cannonball was tired he told the circus owner he was going to retire. but you cant protested the boss. where am i going to find another man onf your caliber.

7. how do you turn duck into a soul singer? put it in the microwave until it's bill withers.
8. playing with our words: my wife was in labor with our first child. things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, shouldnt couldnt wouldnt didnt can't. doctor whats wrong with my wife nothing she's just having contractions.
9. a. old accountants never die they just lose their balance.
b. old musicians never die they just get played out
c. old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
d. old daredevils never die they just get discouraged
e. walt disney didnt die . he's in suspended animation

Zahid_ind

Thanks god the rest are not posted here.

Mlung Baba

Please read before pasting the jokes, before you make a biger mistake, just fix #6 for now.

paki boy

^^ Exactly. Please pay attention when copying from Reader's digest.

pakiplaya

9live and learn: psychiatry students were in their emotional extremes class. lets set some parameters the professor said. whats the opposite of joy he asked one student. sadness he replied the opposite of depression the answer was elation. the opposite of woe the professor asked a woman the reply came as giddyup

10two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by ratlesnake. ill go into twon for a doctor the other says. he runs ten miles to small town and finds only doctor delivering a baby. i can't leave the doctor says. but here's what to do . take a knife cut a little x where the bite is suck out the poison and spit it on the ground the guy runs back to his friend who is in agony. what did the doctor say the victim cries he says you are gonna die

pakiplaya

11. do you know about two tv antennas that got marrid. the wedding was terrible but reception was terrific.
12 what do you get when you cross a librarian and lawyer? all the information you ant except you can't understand it.
13. osama bin laden went to heaven and was greeted by george washington who slapped him and yelled how dare you try to destroy the nation i helped conceive . patrick henry then approached and punched osdama in nose. james madison entered and kicked him in shin. an angry thomas jefferson whacked osmam over the head with cane. the thrashing continued as john randolph,james monroe and 66 other early americans came in anad unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader. suddenly as osmam lay writhing in unbearable pain an angel appeared. this is not what you promised osama come on osmam the angel replied i told you there would be 72 virginians waiting for you in heaven

RashGuy

well that was a good one.. Wonder how the jehadis will take it