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Member
Join Date: Mar 21, 2006 - 9:34 am
Posts: 137
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it
out
on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
"Hello."
I
politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing
number!"
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked
down
Robyn's
correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an
asshole!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to
it,
and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying
bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an
asshole!" It
always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic
'asshole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
this
is
John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if
you're
familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed
down
the
phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're
an
asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
parking
spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for
that
spot,
but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back
window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole
(I had
his
number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
asshole,
too.
I said,
"Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and the
car's
parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes
to call. Then I came
up
with an idea. I called asshole #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, I
have a
black
Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm
really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right
now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at
34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there
to
kill my
gay lover! Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going
down
on
Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed
over to
Fairfax. I got
there just in time to watch two assholes beating the
crap
out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news
helicopter
and
surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
A good friend will bail you out of jail......but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Dam......We ****ed Up"
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