fantazer

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, & now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain


The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning & a good ending; & to have the 2 as close together as possible.
George Burns


Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad 1, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now & then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante


I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all 4 essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar & fat.
Alex Levine


My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Rodney Dangerfield


Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan


Until I was 13, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope


I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields


We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers


Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Winsto n Churchill


Maybe it's true that life begins at 50... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal

coOoLBreeze

Good

Jaanwar

Neat stuff

Iggle

Wow...excellent proverbs! Thanks for sharing.

SHANAYLE

rabia3983

shani

hmmm gud..

diwana

blushing_vision

hehe