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Three guys are having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the
blue, they catch a mermaid -- who begs to be set free, in
return for granting each of them a wish.
One of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Okay, if
you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q."
The mermaid says, "Done."
Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly, and
analyzing what he's recited with great insight.
The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple
my I.Q."
The mermaid says, "Done."
The guy starts to spout solutions to problems that have been
stumping all the great scientists of the world: the
mathematicians, physicists, chemists, and so on.
The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends
that he says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my I.Q."
The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I normally
don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but
I really think you should reconsider."
The guy says, "Nope, I want you to multiply my I.Q. times
five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."
"Please," the mermaid says, "you don't know what you're
asking! It'll change your entire view on the universe. Won't
you ask for something else, a million dollars, anything?" But
no matter what the mermaid says, the guy insists on having
his I.Q. increased to five times its usual power.
Finally, the mermaid sighs and says, "Done."
And he turns into a woman.
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Two new additions to the periodic table of chemical elements
Part I:
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 180+
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent
out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples
are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it
can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes
explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged
periods of time. Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good
specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly
decomposes and begins to smell.
What did God say when he created man?
I can do better than that.
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Two new additions to the periodic table of chemical elements
Part II:
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at any
thing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated
properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious
stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great
amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next
to a shinier specimen.
usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for
dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful wealth
reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
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Two guys were walking on the street when one of them says:
"I've realized that my wife is an angel."
"Mine isn't human, either", said the second.
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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your
willpower."
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