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    1. #1
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      these days its becoming more and more common to have the nikah done early on and the rukhsati some time later (maybe after 1/2 years).

      my question is....once a girl/guys nikah is done....should they have sex or should they wait for rukhsati?

      I heard most guys want to have it and most girls want to wait. is this true?

      if they do have sexual relation during this time....im assuming it would have to be secretly....i.e. she shouldnt get pregnant! I suppose this can be controlled by using condoms etc?

      so should they wait for the wedding night or have it before (as long as nikah is done).

      we all know how the wedding night is supposed to be really special etc....if the couple have had sexual relations before the actual wedding night (i.e. from the time of nikah to rukhsati -which can be one or 2 years).....then does this mean the wedding night will no longer be special and it will not have the appeal its supposed to have?
      Last edited by Impulse; Aug 6th, 2006 at 09:58 PM.
      ~ the world is out to provoke you,if you get provoked it's your downfall! ~

    2. #2
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      Are you asking from islamic point of view or just in gen. what ppl think???

    3. #3
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      Quote Originally Posted by Hum_Hain_Lajawab
      Are you asking from islamic point of view or just in gen. what ppl think???
      both.

      what would people do in this situation and whats the best thing to do
      ~ the world is out to provoke you,if you get provoked it's your downfall! ~

    4. #4
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      the best thing would be to not have sex before rukhasti. Protected or unprotected, it doesnt matter, say no to having sex before rukhasti. I wouldn't wana end up with a child in my belly before having my rukhasti (if un protected). There isnt a single contraceptive that can guarantee u 100%
      Trust is like a sand castle, hard to build, but just a small wave to perish it-

    5. #5
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      Quote Originally Posted by musicmaniac
      the best thing would be to not have sex before rukhasti. Protected or unprotected, it doesnt matter, say no to having sex before rukhasti. I wouldn't wana end up with a child in my belly before having my rukhasti (if un protected). There isnt a single contraceptive that can guarantee u 100%
      But then the question that arises is if it is haraam to have it b4 rukhsati.

    6. #6
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      Quote Originally Posted by musicmaniac
      the best thing would be to not have sex before rukhasti. Protected or unprotected, it doesnt matter, say no to having sex before rukhasti. I wouldn't wana end up with a child in my belly before having my rukhasti (if un protected). There isnt a single contraceptive that can guarantee u 100%
      Exactly and if you are so desperate then just get the rukhsati done, it is better then breaking the trust of your parents.
      May Allah bring peace in Pakistan. Ameen
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    7. #7
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      Quote Originally Posted by Hum_Hain_Lajawab
      But then the question that arises is if it is haraam to have it b4 rukhsati.
      I think once you have had it, you have to do the valima and announce your wedding.
      May Allah bring peace in Pakistan. Ameen
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    8. #8
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      Quote Originally Posted by Lusi
      Exactly and if you are so desperate then just get the rukhsati done, it is better then breaking the trust of your parents.
      legally the boy and girl are husband and wife....the only trust that comes into it is between them two. why should parents stop a husband and wife from having any type of relationship.

      and sometimes people dont want to do rukhsati straight away cuz the guy may not be totally settled.....and the girl may want to finish off education etc.

      and rather than going out together without nikah, it would be better to do nikah earlier so they can at least hang out together islamically.
      ~ the world is out to provoke you,if you get provoked it's your downfall! ~

    9. #9
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      Quote Originally Posted by Lusi
      I think once you have had it, you have to do the valima and announce your wedding.
      the marriage is announced as soon as nikah is done!!
      ~ the world is out to provoke you,if you get provoked it's your downfall! ~

    10. #10
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      Why not just have the ruksati then? Why the heck would you wait?

    11. #11
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sahar02
      Why not just have the ruksati then? Why the heck would you wait?
      and sometimes people dont want to do rukhsati straight away cuz the guy may not be totally settled.....and the girl may want to finish off education etc.

      and rather than going out together without nikah, it would be better to do nikah earlier so they can at least hang out together islamically.
      ~ the world is out to provoke you,if you get provoked it's your downfall! ~

    12. #12
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      If you're having sex, you might as well do the ruksati. Seems rather pointless to wait. I can understand the reasoning for waiting for the guy to get settled, but I've found that the period between nikkah and ruksati just leads to akwardness and uncertainty and really has no place Islamically. Usually people are not "living together" before the ruksati, implying that they aren't having sex. But this is only a cultural restriction, and if that isn't being honored, then why not just go ahead with the ruksati?

      And besides, if the issue is really that the guy isn't ready to support the girl, then they should just remain with the parents, continue to live with the help of their parents, but live together, openly. The parents are supporting them anyway.

      Usually the delay is so that people can go all out and have the wedding of their dreams. But maybe there needs to be a compromise. Do a nice wedding in a timely manner. The delay just encourages rumors and causes unnecessary tension.

    13. #13
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      Errrrrrrr..
      WHAT TRUST would you be breaking? Sheeesh! It's not like you're sleeping wit some stranger dude, it's your husband Anyway, why should parents know? why should it be their business if you are or are not having sex with your own husband?
      Once you've had the nikkah, that's it you're husband and wife. Islamiaclly you are allowed to do whatever you want wit ur husband, it doesn't matter if ure living together or not. Each person may have their own preference, whether htey choose to do it or not to do it. You can talk all you want about how you would do it and what one should do in that situation, but when it actually happens, you can very well change your mind.

      And Impusle, there's no reason "wedding night" sex won't be "special", in fact I don't think ther'es any occasion where sex isn't special lolz (feel free to correct me married ppl )

      I want to be able to see him openly. If my parents have a problm wiht it too bad, he's my husband, there's no reason I can't see him. Anyway, half the fun of sex before rukhsati is the sneaking around that it involves.

    14. #14
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sahar02
      If you're having sex, you might as well do the ruksati. Seems rather pointless to wait. I can understand the reasoning for waiting for the guy to get settled, but I've found that the period between nikkah and ruksati just leads to akwardness and uncertainty and really has no place Islamically.
      Exactly. If the couple aren't ready for rukhsati then why the hurry for the nikah? An engagement can do just fine. Usually an early nikah and a delayed rukhsati is often wrongly used as a strategy used to "book" a girl or a guy.

    15. #15
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sara516
      Errrrrrrr..
      WHAT TRUST would you be breaking? Sheeesh! It's not like you're sleeping wit some stranger dude, it's your husband Anyway, why should parents know? why should it be their business if you are or are not having sex with your own husband?
      Once you've had the nikkah, that's it you're husband and wife. Islamiaclly you are allowed to do whatever you want wit ur husband, it doesn't matter if ure living together or not. Each person may have their own preference, whether htey choose to do it or not to do it. You can talk all you want about how you would do it and what one should do in that situation, but when it actually happens, you can very well change your mind.

      And Impusle, there's no reason "wedding night" sex won't be "special", in fact I don't think ther'es any occasion where sex isn't special lolz (feel free to correct me married ppl )

      I want to be able to see him openly. If my parents have a problm wiht it too bad, he's my husband, there's no reason I can't see him. Anyway, half the fun of sex before rukhsati is the sneaking around that it involves.
      I agree with you Sara...

      but what if the girl gets pregnant?

      I mean even condoms are not 100% reliable right...and the other forms of contraception....it wouldnt be nice to be pregnant before the rukhsati and wedding day.

      so what should be done to avoid this?
      ~ the world is out to provoke you,if you get provoked it's your downfall! ~

    16. #16
      senorita miembro
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      Well, if you think the risk is worth it, go ahead. It's understandable that's your fear and you don't have to go all the way. In the end it's your choice whether you want to do it or not. It's just if you choose to do it, ther'es nothing wrong with that, it's allowed.

    17. #17
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      Isn't Nikah.. the main thing???

      sorry if someone already stated that.. i didnt read all of the replies
      ~**~...A Dream is a wish your heart makes...~**~

    18. #18
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      Nikah is the islamic requirement before having sex or getting married. Rukhsati is not an islamic concept and is something related to indian subcontinent culture. In 99% of these scenarios Nikah is done to seal the deal and to avoid the inquiries about rishtaas. I think it should be a matter of personal preference to have sex during that time or not. But no matter what route you go you have to let your parents know about it.

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