3-4 recent real life scenarios i came across which made me think why exactly do men take longer (in some cases) to do the extra bit in the relation....

Case 1: Very sweet & caring wife, husband loves her too but isn't expressive like the wife is. Her every action speaks of love for him e.g. she cares for what he has eaten, presses her clothes out of will, will always remember to call him, always informs of happenings of the day, dresses up nice for him, every good thing she is supposed to do. She left her job just to be with him and take care of his health. Husband too loves her but not that expressive, not that talkative and not that caring in actions.

Case 2: Fiancee believes she is engaged so that's it. Fiance takes a long time to absorb. She makes sure she is always there for him via which ever communication mode available. He is cool with it and doesn't take the extra step to maintain the communication or initiative or show extra care/concern. Apparently, they both are fine with each other but the girl is basically taking the relation forward by her communication where as the guy occasionally takes a step.

Case 3: Its a love marriage..both the guy & girl got married after a lot of hassle in their respective families. They still love each other but even after 3-4 years of their marriage the girl is head over heels over him. He still is her prime focus and she still loves him, gifts him, talks to him etc like people usually are in early months of their marriage. He, on the other hand, seems more concerned about his work life, their future etc.

Mostly, its understandable that since the men are the bread winners they have focuses else where as well but even then many a times its incomprehensible how women can go all the way in the relation specially after marriage but men take it more casually some times.

case 1 is halal way to enjoy life.

case 2 is dangerous.

case 3 is worst.

Upbringing can play a role...maybe his own father wasn't very demonstrative of his affections. And then there are society's expectations/views of how men should behave. Also, individual differences in personality. So many factors.

There are also gender differences in display of affection. Women show it in a more nurturing way (pressing clothes, etc). And in each of the examples...the women seem to have made the guy the "prime/central" focus....and sometimes that too can be a problem. To an extent...a little distance and pursuing of other interests can be healthy for a relationship.

Sheesh what chipkoo ladies, quit smothering the lads please and you may see them reciprocate to a sane level.

I love my wife, but if she were to talk about every detail of her day with me after I have dealt with a landline of deadlines, revenue trends, marketing budgets, sales calls, development demos, pricing scenarios....for the whole day....I may start spending mire time at the office..

Don't define expressions of love in your context only, diff people show love in a diff way. Cherish that, rather than expect them to be Bollywood.

So if a wife is a stay-at-home one, she spends the day doing household chores and things for her husband and waits for him.. when he does finally come after so many hours, she becomes a chipkoo even on talking to him about the day?

None of the cases above mentioned are Bollywood, these are real life situations people live in but one of the partners may not be happy because of the lack of attention & demanding that shouldn't be smothering the lads.

Well, sometimes you feel tired when you come home from work ....and your mind is not as open/receptive to engaging in conversation...and all you want is a few moments to yourself to unwind. And the same type of conversations can get dull...so a change in that might help.

Originally Posted by DaffyDuck

3-4 recent real life scenarios i came across which made me think why exactly do men take longer (in some cases) to do the extra bit in the relation....

Case 1: Very sweet & caring wife, husband loves her too but isn't expressive like the wife is. Her every action speaks of love for him e.g. she cares for what he has eaten, presses her clothes out of will, will always remember to call him, always informs of happenings of the day, dresses up nice for him, every good thing she is supposed to do. She left her job just to be with him and take care of his health. Husband too loves her but not that expressive, not that talkative and not that caring in actions.

Case 2: Fiancee believes she is engaged so that's it, he is the ultimate. Fiance takes a long time to absorb. She makes sure she is always there for him via which ever communication mode available. He is cool with it and doesn't take the extra step to maintain the communication or initiative or show extra care/concern. Apparently, they both are fine with each other but the girl is basically taking the relation forward by her communication where as the guy occasionally takes a step.

Case 3: Its a love marriage..both the guy & girl got married after a lot of hassle in their respective families. They still love each other but even after 3-4 years of their marriage the girl is head over heels over him. He still is her prime focus and she still loves him, gifts him, talks to him etc like people usually are in early months of their marriage. He, on the other hand, seems more concerned about his work life, their future etc.

Mostly, its understandable that since the men are the bread winners they have focuses else where as well but even then many a times its incomprehensible how women can go all the way in the relation specially after marriage but men take it more casually some times.

Cases 1 and 3: Men are showing their love by working hard too and makng sure wives are enjoyng the safety.

Case 2: He has not run away has he?

You just exaggerated what women in all three cases do, by using good words for women, that's all.

Random examples:
head over heels,
extra care/concern,
communication,
prime focus,
always there for him,
pressed his clothes out of her will,
dresses nice etc.

Simply dramatization.

Originally Posted by diwana

Cases 1 and 3: Men are showing their love by working hard too and makng sure wives are enjoyng the safety.

Case 2: He has not run away has he?

You just exaggerated what women in all three cases do, by using good words for women, that's all.

Random examples:
head over heels,
extra care/concern,
communication,
prime focus,
always there for him,
pressed his clothes out of her will,
dresses nice etc.

Simply dramatization.

Nope - all three are still together

A girl just wants attention, hugs and kisses, and signs of affection.

The quicker a guy realizes this, the more often he will get laid. There is a direct linear positive incline curve.

X-axis: Signs of affection
Y-axis: Number of orgasms

I don't get why the XY doesn't get this XY axis. (Hey that's cool, I just made that up)

guys can't act girly..now can they??

why do girls take so little time before opening up and getting emotionally attached?

Originally Posted by X2

Sheesh what chipkoo ladies, quit smothering the lads please and you may see them reciprocate to a sane level.

I love my wife, but if she were to talk about every detail of her day with me after I have dealt with a landline of deadlines, revenue trends, marketing budgets, sales calls, development demos, pricing scenarios....for the whole day....I may start spending mire time at the office..

Don't define expressions of love in your context only, diff people show love in a diff way. Cherish that, rather than expect them to be Bollywood.

I completely agree .

@ OP.

Case 1. You said that the husband does love her so i am sure he must be doing things that are right for her to feel the love. So why expect him to do other things which may not go with her personality to prove his love?

Case 2. He is her fiance at this point, why expect him to behave like a husband? The fiancee also shouldn't be behaving like a wife either.

Case 3. The keywords you mentioned: his work, life and their future. Do they not say anything about this guy? Love is not going to feed them and if the future is bleak, believe me it will be the wife who will be the most disturbed.

Surely people show love and affection in different ways? It doesn't have to be all or nothing.. I remember reading something on here a while back about love languages...someone might want affection, or quality time, or presents, or words of affirmation etc.
And I think this changes depending what is going on in each person's life and also as the relationship progresses too.

u are cute. I just felt like digging u up

Originally Posted by STA

case 1 is halal way to enjoy life.

case 2 is dangerous.

case 3 is worst.

wow. So easy it is to pass a judgement. Isnt it?

[MENTION=55762]mirage[/MENTION] we are so cool

I dont think its guys only* who are hard to open up. In guys, its natural as it is a part of their nature to express less and act less emotional as compared to girls. but i have seen some such cases too, where the situation is vice versa. the thing basically is, as someone pointed out above, everyone has their own way of expressing their love and concern. In the first case, obviously the husband wont express his love by cooking and dressing up for his wife and pressing her clothes and all that. All those wifely duties would look gross if we find a husband doing them. I think the husband and wife both have been adorned with different set o duties and responsibilities and if they both are doing their duties well, all is well. There is no harm in being a little romantic or bollywoodish though. If a wife takes pains to dress for him every day and look pleasant at the time when he arrives back from office, there is no harm that a guy may show his acknowledgement and appreciation by bringing some flowers or whatever pleases his wife, for her. In the same way, I think every sensible woman knows her husband does a tough job at work. So she should be understanding of he husband and his moods, knowing it better when is the right time to say whatever she wants to. Being blind to the feeling/situation of the other half and taking them for granted is something that both the partners should not do. the problem actually begins when we start to take each other for granted. that is the alarm.

mirage, aap toh serious ho gayin