Supposed you are married for 2 years and your husband always runs and tell his mother every single thing that you guys fight about. Does she have any right to know any of this?
Shouldn't the husband be protecting his wife and not saying anything at all.
Please keep in mind that the MIL (mother in law) is so nosey that she has to know about every single thing including when was the last time you did it.
I think guy is just afraid of loosing his diapers. Only a mother can tell that how he can be more comfortable without it
Jokes apart. I think guy is insecure. Not trusting his wife completely, thats why he is sharing every thing with mom. May be when relationship will grow, the level of communication and trust will grow too and it will get better.
The wife should try to talk to husband more and increase verbal communication like a good friend.
That guy iz totally a mama's boy n iz a big loozer in my opinion...talking to ur mother n spending tym wid her is a different thing but disclosing wive's personal matters iz not acceptable at all..yeah i agree try n act lyk a friend to ur husband n make him belive that u trust him alot may be this way his guilt wont allow him to continue...may be u can make up a story about a frend of urz whose husband used to do the same thing n ask him his opinion about this issue...n 1 more thing my friend rather than pointing out his mistakes just try to figure out whether or not ur rong sumwere...may be ur purely innocent but its gud to just brainstorm n think tht y does this situation comes where ur husband needs his mother to talk n not u???
LostConfused..lets just suppose if you were this mom(mother in law) wouldn't you like to know how your son is doing or what he is going through?
i dont think its the mother thts at fault or the son..the person whoz at fault is pati dev.
KuCh IsTaRah ..Teri PaLkiEN..mEri PalkON se miLaDeY..AnsooO TeRe sAREy MeRi PALkoN pE sAjAdEY
oh man, i think its REALLY annoying if a guy was to go and tell everything to his mom...i mean a mama's boy is good to some extent but when he starts airing your dirty laundry, that isnt working for me
I am not married, but I have a fiance and if he was to go tell everyhting to his mom, I would basically have to kick his ass
"Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is the recognition that there are more important things than fear" ---- Irshad Manji
Supposed you are married for 2 years and your husband always runs and tell his mother every single thing that you guys fight about. Does she have any right to know any of this?
Shouldn't the husband be protecting his wife and not saying anything at all.
Please keep in mind that the MIL (mother in law) is so nosey that she has to know about every single thing including when was the last time you did it.
i had the same problem. my MIL is so influential and everytime we had a fight she had to knew it and she would pretend to be on my side in front of me and than backstab me in front of my husband me.
than before i sharing anything with my husband, i used to ask him if his mum has to know or not.
now things are better.
The husband shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, he should go and hide in his mother's palloo for ever. What happens between a husband and wife should stay between them. It's no one else's business. Typical mama's boy, can't $hit and wipe his a$$ but wants to get married, jackass.
I hate such ppl honestly. If it happens to me then I would directly show my expressions to my hubby, I would not hide my expressions, if I dislike something then he should know.
V never get wat v want, V never want wat v get, V never have wat v like, V never like wat v have, Still v hope,still v luv, still v live THS Z LIFE!!!
Supposed you are married for 2 years and your husband always runs and tell his mother every single thing that you guys fight about. Does she have any right to know any of this?
Shouldn't the husband be protecting his wife and not saying anything at all.
Please keep in mind that the MIL (mother in law) is so nosey that she has to know about every single thing including when was the last time you did it.
I see some exaggeration here, no son in his right mind will share his bedroom adventures with his mother. This exaggeration is a proof that you do not like the bond this mother and son have. This bond between mother and son is created by nature , nothing you do will break it , ever. You should work on developing similar bond with your mother in law, she seems to be very loving and caring mother , if she cares so much about her son , she would surely care about anything related to him , like his wife. All you have to do is start copying your husband and start communicating and bonding with your mother in law and you will live happily ever after.
I am a man with a plan. A plan to live a simple , fulfilling life.
The husband shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, he should go and hide in his mother's palloo for ever. What happens between a husband and wife should stay between them. It's no one else's business. Typical mama's boy, can't $hit and wipe his a$$ but wants to get married, jackass.
hehe. But I totally agree. Guys like this shouldn't get married. (Unless he was forced to )
i hate mama's boys..urgh...i understand ur mother is ur mother..heck wives have mothers too...but lady (MIL)....u can cut the umbilical cord......grrrr
"Seek Allah's help with patient perseverance and prayer. It is indeed hard except for those who are humble." (2:45)
They need to sit down with eachother and have a frank discussion without getting emotional / angry / hysterical.
Wife needs to explain to the husband why she feels its wrong for him to go to mother and tell her about everything.
Husband needs to tell wife WHY he has the need to tell mother about everything. And WIFE needs to LISTEN.
Husband needs to understand he gotta confide in wife, and wife maybe to start with should keep her objections to herself until husband feels he can openly say anything to her.
Communication and trust issues?
Also, find a good book on Islamic guidance for families / married couples and show him various extracts that would help your case.
^ That is just as bad. Although living with the MIL probably makes the mama's boy worse. My mother gave me a great bit of advice when I married.
Don't share your disagreements unless it is a situation that you are incapable of handling on your own or it becomes physical. Even if you are wrong, you are still their daughter/son, and they have a soft spot for you. Your parents will always remember that your husband/wife swore at you/called you names/thinks you are a fat cow, called you impotent, etc. long after you have moved on, and they will not be able to completely forgive him/her.
I think if there is tension between you and your partner - then you will feel that he goes and says everything to his mom... if you have comfortable relationship with your partner and his mom - then even you will be open and talk freely -
Now dont get me wrong, the MIL is a nice woman but very challak....she is always looking out for her self and her daughters. She just likes to be in control and cant stand it that she doesnt know every little detail about her son and his wife.
I guess the best I can do is pray to Allah and ask him to make things easier for us.
In any kind of relationship, whether it be a spousal or otherwise, a basic level of confidentiality is essential. A simple, unemotional relationship like a doctor/patient relationship requires it too.
With the information provided, I suspect the son hasn't been given enough responsibility as a man by his parents -- in this case, his mother. Even after his marriage, he seems dependent on his mother for her approval and permission. As some of you have described, it is usually termed as 'mama's boy'.
The advice for the wife would be for her to soften her personality overall with the husband. This includes her tone of voice, her actions, her language. What the husband needs, which he doesn't know he does, is a dose of dependance from another person on him. Make him feel like he is the man. Ask him for his opinions, his 'permission', his help in everyday life. Even for doing things you are completely independent, ask for his help. The more he feels he has something to be accountable for, he more he'll feel he needs to make proper decisions on the spot.
People like this man have been overshadowed by their mothers who need to control others to validate themselves. His mother has made him believe she is only one he should trust and 'obey'. It's not his fault, its just the way he was raised.
Remember, any sort of harshness from your side towards him will not only be reported to his mother, but will cost you his trust. Work with him, sway him to your side. Build that trust so he trusts you more than her.
This will be a gradual change with preliminary disappointments, but if you don't plan on a divorce and want this to work, hang it there and give it a shot.
well..another "mom boy" beleive me there is no harm in being close to ammi ji..but there are limits..to what one can disclose to her. You need to talk to him..and tell him that makes things complicated for you and her. But "mom boys" usually never wean..it's a habit.
Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life.Fate is what kicks you in the ass to make you do it!
thanks to everyone for their advice and support
we are looking to buy a place and move out soon inshallah
i hope that will imrpove things
i dont mind living with the in laws, i just cant stand the fact that every time we have an argument.....MIL has to know every single thing and then has to throw it in my moms face like you never taught your daughter anything. But if you talk to my nandh's MIL, then you will hear much worse things about the nandh.
Sometimes I think the MIL is trying to get revenge on me cuz of what is happening with the nandh and her MIL.
Just pray for me please since I have given up a lot to make this marriage work including my job and car.
I have never shared this with anyone except my mother and sister.
I don't mind making the sacrifices but its just tough to be so patient and have no control of the situation.
I have so much stress cuz of all this and am trying to forget all of this.
I wonder if there is anyone else in the world that is going thru this and who feels the way that I do.
I never had any ill feelings towards anyone in my in laws but they have lots against me cuz of the little things that they do.....for example on our one year anniversary nandh supposedly gives me a shalwar kameez suit that she says she got custom made for me from pakistan ( the suit was pale pink with pearl kaam on tissue and satin) and it was her old suit that she tried to pass it off to me as a present. I just showed it to my mom and she said to return it saying you dont wear light colour suits. Another example is that the saas always gets clothes made for everyone from pakistan (bahus, nands, MIl) and only made one for me which doesnt even have a dupatta that matches and this was an EID present. Saas always buys boutique clothes for herself and nandhs, bahus from Generation and Cyonsure and yet never asks me at all. Hubby said i can place order if i want but I said its okay since I am not into fashion that much.
I have always treated them with respect and went out of my way to give them gifts such as cologne sets (issey miyake, jean paul gaultier, etc.), MAC makeup, toys and clothes for the neices, etc yet i feel like whatever i do isnt good enough.
^ then stop doing it. they're not worth ur energy and money especially......
and i hate when people say, well its only clothes its not a big deal etc....when everyone around u is getting the same thing and u get something completely different and less, yes it does hurt......
