what would you do if your wife refused to fast during ramzan and she had her reasons but u thought they r not valid and that shes just bs-ing?..would u get angry..or not mind?..would u force her or not care?..would u taunt her but not force her?..etc etc..
Last edited by soni27; Aug 14th, 2008 at 01:27 AM.
my hubby sometimes cant fast.. at first i would get mad at him (as ive been fasting since i could remember), but ive realised its hard for him... so i dont push it. I let him know that id like him to fast.. or at least try to... but yeah if he doesnt, thats totally up to him
what would you do if your wife refused to fast during ramzan and she had her reasons but u thought they r not valid and that shes just bs-ing?..would u get angry..or not mind?..would u force her or not care?..would u taunt her but not force her?..etc etc..
my dad does not want to fast sometimes as he too had his reasons but i would get angry with him and not talk to him and than he would fast
my hubby doesnt have problems with fasting but he does with praying. i can remember the fight we had during saheri time about him not fasting.
i would not and will get angry if my hubby wont fast.
if my wife to be did not fast, i would be beat the %$#@ out of her
"A State divided into a small number of rich and a large number of poor will always develop a government manipulated by the rich to protect the amenities represented by their property."
In matters or faith or religion, everyone has to answer for their own deeds. Our job is to give our opinion and recommendation. Whether someone complies or not is up to them. Getting upset on such things is a waste of time and energy.
"Let your friends underestimate your virtues. Let your enemies overestimate your faults." - Godfather.
Contrary to common belief , Islam has also made all the religious rituals a personal matter . There is no worldly penalty for not performing any mandatory or religious obligation. Even the Islamic state is not allowed to punish people for not performing their salaat, fast , hajj , zakaat etc.
Why because if someone is performing his/her salaat they do not have to announce it to the world similarly if they are not performing saalat they do not have to announce to the world.
Yes Islam emphasizes that people invite each other to good deeds and forbid each other from doing bad deeds, that is the end of it. There is no ghunda gardi or dada geeri in Islam for enforcing obligations to Allah.
Islam has penal system only for worldly crimes like murder , theft etc.
Now if a husband or wife does not have a valid reason for fasting all we can do is tell them that we would love to be togather in Jannat and salaat and fasting will be one of the contributing factor to make it possible. We can cry over their lack of interest and love for their religion.
I am a man with a plan. A plan to live a simple , fulfilling life.
if my wife to be did not fast, i would be beat the %$#@ out of her
^^ haha
I'm not a husband neither a wife , but if my husband was not fasting i wud be extremely angry, if the parentz don't fast how will the kids grow up to follow the basic beliefs its compulsory, everyone shud fast unless they hav very valid reasonz affecting their health which does not enable them to do so...
I think itz better to find this info' out all before marriage, i kno i'd like to kno all this before hand
Its amazing how many of you said you would be extremely angry and upset if your partners didnt fast. Or maybe the ones who would let them be havent really bothered replying. How can you force someone to fast? IF their neeyat is not to fast, thats that... no matter how many days they spend staying hungry, they arent fasting for Allah, they are fasting for you. Like Faisal said, when it comes to faith and religion... every person has to do their own thing and answer for their own deeds... you can encourage them to, but thats about it. Let them decide what they want to do. You can bring up roza's fazeelat and the sawab and how good it is etc. and get them to start to want to fast,, which would be great, but you simply cant force someone to fast. I dont quite get the reason why you'd be upset either. Namaz comes before roza... worry about that if you really are looking for an excuse to get angry. Bhooka rehna isnt the same as fasting.
Its amazing how many of you said you would be extremely angry and upset if your partners didnt fast. Or maybe the ones who would let them be havent really bothered replying. How can you force someone to fast? IF their neeyat is not to fast, thats that... no matter how many days they spend staying hungry, they arent fasting for Allah, they are fasting for you. Like Faisal said, when it comes to faith and religion... every person has to do their own thing and answer for their own deeds... you can encourage them to, but thats about it. Let them decide what they want to do. You can bring up roza's fazeelat and the sawab and how good it is etc. and get them to start to want to fast,, which would be great, but you simply cant force someone to fast. I dont quite get the reason why you'd be upset either. Namaz comes before roza... worry about that if you really are looking for an excuse to get angry. Bhooka rehna isnt the same as fasting.
Totally agree
i Wouldnt be mad at my partner for not fasting he would have to answer to God for his own actions not me all i can do is guide him
The Day of judgment is near, when there is a single star in the sky, straight away the path of forgivness will close, the writing in the quran will vanish..
Contrary to common belief , Islam has also made all the religious rituals a personal matter . There is no worldly penalty for not performing any mandatory or religious obligation. Even the Islamic state is not allowed to punish people for not performing their salaat, fast , hajj , zakaat etc.
Why because if someone is performing his/her salaat they do not have to announce it to the world similarly if they are not performing saalat they do not have to announce to the world.
Yes Islam emphasizes that people invite each other to good deeds and forbid each other from doing bad deeds, that is the end of it. There is no ghunda gardi or dada geeri in Islam for enforcing obligations to Allah.
Islam has penal system only for worldly crimes like murder , theft etc.
Now if a husband or wife does not have a valid reason for fasting all we can do is tell them that we would love to be togather in Jannat and salaat and fasting will be one of the contributing factor to make it possible. We can cry over their lack of interest and love for their religion.
totally agree, imagine if in islam it was ok to force/make people to perform their salat and have a worldly penality for not doing it etc... do you thnk those people would be praying for Allah, and their prayer will be worth something? it would right out negate the whole point of the ibadat anyways ...
i think the only time this is ok, is with very young kids ( e.g. sometimes you have to discipline them to sit down, leave their play or cartoons and read quran with their qari sahib ), but for any baaligh kid or adult (and teenagers are baligh once reached puberty) you can in no way at all force them to fast or pray, and most of the ibaadaat like fasting etc become only farz when you are baaligh for this reason...
the only thing you can do , i s talk to them about how good it is to do something, why people who do it, actually do it, what do they get out of it... etc... what do quran and hadith say about these ibaadaats etc.
If i fast, he should fast.. My dad is diabetic and he needs to take his medication 3 times a day but during Ramadan he AlhamduAllah fasts and he says tat Allah always helps him cause he wants to take full benefit of the holy month of Ramadan.. Now if an old guy like my dad can do it i think everyone else can as well.. Now ofcourse there are situations or sickness tat avoids u from taking fast which Allah has always allowed...
But for other stupid reasons.. I rather leave his house for a month then watching him eat infront of me cause he has headache
I've kissed millions of frogs, but still no prince charming... Åchi ßachi Çlub
Before taking any step I would like to discuss with her the matter in detail, and try to find out her reasons. If she convinces me that she is leaving them only because of laziness and carelessness,...then I would follow my Plan. (by the grace and mercy of Allah (s.w.t)
Such matters are usually situation sensitive. One has to deal with the spouse in terms of his/her psychology.
I can't be angry at her, because Allah (s.w.t) has not appointed me a "Thanedar" (police inspector) to force her to do anything.
I can't remain "unworried" in my daily life behavior because the following hadith would constantly bother me
Quote:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges: The Imam (ruler) of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the guardian of her husband's home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges."
So, it IS my responsibility to do "something" because if my beloved wife is intentionally making my beloved Allah unhappy, then I have to do something to resolve this relationship, as I love both Allah (s.w.t) and my wife, otherwise how would I be able to sleep comfortably. I need to do something BUT keeping in mind how does her psychology works.
Hmm.. Lets see,...
Does she gets motivated and realize her mistake if I start telling her the attributes of Allah (s.w.t) ? Allah (s.w.t) has been so kind to us all our lives, He keeps giving us even when we are disobedient to HIM. He has made us more privileged than most of the people around us........(Imaan is strengthened by mentioning of Allah's attributes).
BUT if she is not ready to listen, then I have to follow PLAN (B). I would cut short my chit chat, frank talks and switch to silent treatment....etc. If she asks me the reason of this, I would humbly tell her, " My beloved wife, I love you very much !! BUT how can I remain happy with you while you are intentionally making unhappy someone who is more dear to me than you. Secondly, I love you very much and it is not possible for me to let you do such a sin that might become a cause for your entering hell or a reason for the nature to punish you in this world. I don't want anything to cause you pain. And I am sure you would also try to do anything to stop me if I try to harm myself in anyway because you love me. And you shouldn't allow me to disobey Allah because you love Allah more than me. Remember, if Allah is not happy with us, our relationship can never survive, because there won't be any "barakah" (blessings) in it"
Meanwhile I would keep praying to Allah (s.w.t) to bless her with the realization of this important duty, because my efforts are of no value if there is no "Barakah" (blessings) of Allah (s.w.t) in them.
I might be wrong in some places. Allah knows BEST! May Allah (s.w.t) guide us all towards the right path. Ameen!
Read not to contradict and confute, not to believe and take for granted, not to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider. Inhale positive, exhale negative
Last edited by Submission To Peace; Aug 17th, 2008 at 10:23 PM.
I'm not a husband neither a wife , but if my husband was not fasting i wud be extremely angry, if the parentz don't fast how will the kids grow up to follow the basic beliefs its compulsory, everyone shud fast unless they hav very valid reasonz affecting their health which does not enable them to do so...
I think itz better to find this info' out all before marriage, i kno i'd like to kno all this before hand
^ Thats true but your faith doesn't always remain the same, sometimes its strong sometimes its weak.
I think if my hubby didn't fast, I would be mad at him but offcourse i would be upset, I would want him to. First, i would pray to Allah a lot to change his mind and to make his and my faith stronger. And then like Sub to peace said talk to him, make him understand how important fast is. Not force him into it but talk to him about it and not rest until he is completely convinced its something he NEEDS to do. And I would expect my hubby to do the same.
If a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
If my wife is not fasting then I would ask her why, if it is medical reason than I would encourage her to see a doctor and see if we can solve the issue find a solution.
If it is non-medical than I would ask her to keep at least 1 fast in the whole month. After she has completed her first fast, I would encourage her to keep another fast. I won't push her, just encourage her like setting a milestone in ones life and trying to work towards it.
IMO the best way to tell someone what Islam is or what being a Muslim is, is to show them by actions. I used to ask my non-muslim friends to fast with me once in ramadan if they wanted to know how I feel during fast, most of them did try and they got to know a bit better about Islam I guess. I also used to take them to mosque if they wanted to just sit in the back to observe what we were doing, during jumma or during eid namaz or during halaqas. We have to be open towards them, invite them to experience our lifestyle and then inshaAllah rest can be left to Allah to put noor in their hearts.
I have gone to churchs, sit through their sermons just to show my willingness to learn their religion and in return they learn a little about my religion. The same should be done with the wife (in this case). Get her indulged in fasting slowly. Like we do with our young children. We ask them to start by keep the last 10 fasts and then so on.. they might not understand completely about why are they fast except for the "coolness" factor but I guess its OK to feel "cool" to be a Muslim
spread the religion by love, not hate.
mujh sey khushiaan ley gaya aur degya kagaz kay phoool
abb meray ghar mein paray hain jabaja kagaz kay phoool
i live at home with my husband... barkat enters our home according to our actions... i would not want the whole burden of it to stand on my shoulder by only me praying or fasting or acting according to allah's will... sometimes god takes away barkat due to ones actions.. i wouldnt want others to suffer because of my ways so my husband too should think accordingly... thats how i would like all couples to think.. but we arent always consistent in our prayers or reading quran but fasting for that one special month in the yr is something every muslim man and woman, can get their act together for.
but ya, at the end of the day, all u can do is ask your spouse to do if they dont.. cant force a grown man or woman to do something they dont want to.
i would be not so happy with my husband if he chose not to fast. for me, its like losing a sense of respect for him.
what would you do if your wife refused to fast during ramzan and she had her reasons but u thought they r not valid and that shes just bs-ing?..would u get angry..or not mind?..would u force her or not care?..would u taunt her but not force her?..etc etc..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faisal
In matters or faith or religion, everyone has to answer for their own deeds. Our job is to give our opinion and recommendation. Whether someone complies or not is up to them. Getting upset on such things is a waste of time and energy.
Faisal summed it up well.
My view is that if you are married to a sensible individual, they they will take the right step based on their needs, and you can be supportive and give your own recommendation but thats it.
angry? force, taunt?
I really wonder about desi marriages when I look at these as being potential options.
Your friendly neighbourhood fraudiya loafer luccha lufanga awara ayaash aubaash ghunda badmaash man
Most of the times "the response"to such issues depends upon how the relationship between a couple works, their mutual understanding and the belief system they share, of course which should have been considered before selecting a life partner.
In Islamic perspective one can become unhappy with a spouse, when they show casual behavior towards the basic teachings of Islam. The prophet (saw) even boycott his wives for a month when he became unhappy with them
Quote:
The Prophet [pbuh] had taken an oath to stay off his wives for a month in the ninth year of Al-Hijra. Therefore, he deserted them and kept off in a private place. At the beginning, the Companions of the Messenger of Allah were puzzled and could not work out the reason for such behavior. They thought the Prophet [pbuh] had divorced them and that was why he was grieved, disturbed and upset.[Sahih Al-Bukhari 2/730]
But it is cleared from other sources and scholars that he didn't divorce them but was unhappy with them due to certain things they were not doing according to his advice. (Islamic teachings)
The prophet (saw) is our role model and he did show us a way of showing dis likeness when our beloved ones don't follow the teachings of Islam. The silent treatment can be one of those ways.
BUT the prophet (saw) was perfect and I am not. SO, in my case it is a two way traffic. My wife is allowed to pour a jug of cold water on my face when I am not waking up for "Fajr" namaz (prayers). She even switches off the the computer while I am using computer, because at times I might get too addicted and she feels it is her duty to remind me that if I sleep late, it would not only effect my health but also it would be difficult for me to wake up early in the morning.
One verbal pact I and my wife signed in the beginning of the marriage was that. "If anyone of us at any stage of life violates the basics of Islamic teachings (without a genuine excuse), the other would make sure to prevent it without any compromise. The one who is violating has no right to reject such an act, because s/he know it is for his/her betterment in this life and hereafter"
So if any one of us at any stage of life is deviating from any sunnah or Fard (due to carelessness or laziness), the other has the right to make sure, one way or the other that the sunnah or Fard is not violated, besides that presenting oneself as a practical example of that. All this is done humbly with respect but firmness with a sincere intentions of only pleasing Allah (s.w.t) and nothing in mind related to showing one's dominance over the other.
In fact such acts increases mutual love in our hearts for each others, by the grace and mercy of Allah (s.w.t).
May Allah (s.w.t) bless us all with sincerity and put "Barakah" (blessings) in our intentions and acts. Ameen
Last edited by Submission To Peace; Aug 19th, 2008 at 04:48 AM.
its compulsory, everyone shud fast unless they hav very valid reasonz affecting their health which does not enable them to do so...
