would you take offense if none of the woman in your in-laws(except 1) compliemented you just even once by themselves or didnt even make one positive statement about you or didnt smile at you or hug you or kiss you on the day of function?
say for example the only people who said naything nice about you was your hubby and your brother in law and your hubby's momani but NONE of the main women did especially your sister in law and mother in law?..and you felt like they were doing this on purpose in front of you
WOULD you take offense and take it seriously?
would you take it to mean that the women in your sasural s dont care about you?
or that they are trying to be mean to you on purpose?
is this a bad omen for the future?
awww...dont feel bad....to me, my husband's compliment would matter the most....everyone else's compliments are certainly appreciated, but i wouldn't feel bad if i didn't get them.
"Normal" people tend to give pleasant compliments to one another at functions and gatherings. It doesn't take 'guts', 'courage' or 'intelligence' to do so. Even the shy, submissive people are comfortable giving compliments occasionally. Either your in laws aren't from this planet or they are making it very clear to you how they feel about you. Of course, you have first hand experience with them and so you can assess the situation better and it may perhaps be some other reason for their attitude towards you. I could understand that perhaps one of them could be having a bad day and wasn't in the mood to shower you (or anyone) with compliments, but 'everyone' having a bad day is highly unlikely.
However, with the limited information you have provided us in your post, it only leads me to believe that they aren't particularly fond of you at this point in time. Perhaps they might grow to appreciate you - who knows.
Advice: Be cautious in your words and actions. Show patience and love.
However, with the limited information you have provided us in your post, it only leads me to believe that they aren't particularly fond of you at this point in time.
Understatement!!
Be cautious in your words and actions. Show patience and love.
"Show patience and love" NONSENSE!!! next time theres a function, take a weapon with u and show them the fate of those who do not compliment u.
Thats a girl , instead of just whining about anything and everything about your susral in Life1, take action and do something about it.
Bravo , bravo , bravo.
I am a man with a plan. A plan to live a simple , fulfilling life.
keep urself busy , every time do ur best to all regardless what they have done to you.
Set your goal an priorities and focus on those.
People tend to jelous when they find someone nice around them.
ur susralis' behaviour is not normal.
So you will be waisting ur time and energy by caring of their abnormal behaviour.
some ppl suck at expressing anything good... but if its only u they do this to and express to others.. then that may be a problem which you can choose to tlak to them about in the future.
First of all...to answer your question NO I wouldnt be offended. For some people complimenting others comes naturally for others it doesnt. It may not be personal. It may just be the way they are.
Secondly, if I was married...my husbands compliments would be all that I need and want. Everyone elses would be appreciated but not needed.
First of all...to answer your question NO I wouldnt be offended. For some people complimenting others comes naturally for others it doesnt. It may not be personal. It may just be the way they are.
Secondly, if I was married...my husbands compliments would be all that I need and want. Everyone elses would be appreciated but not needed.
Agreed. I don't know your situation but I do know some people aren't comfortable with all that stuff. So don't take offence, its not like they said something bad about you.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haimeradil
would you take offense if none of the woman in your in-laws(except 1) compliemented you just even once by themselves or didnt even make one positive statement about you or didnt smile at you or hug you or kiss you on the day of function?
say for example the only people who said naything nice about you was your hubby and your brother in law and your hubby's momani but NONE of the main women did especially your sister in law and mother in law?..and you felt like they were doing this on purpose in front of you
WOULD you take offense and take it seriously?
would you take it to mean that the women in your sasural s dont care about you?
or that they are trying to be mean to you on purpose?
is this a bad omen for the future?
I would not even think about it....why is it so necessary form some people (well mostly girls) to note every single detail of it and then get taken back becasue someone in the in-laws did not hug you. These small details are good when trying a sky-dive but if you keep looking at these things in everyday life , life will come hard at you.....
Actually in most of the desi families the wedding of son/brother creates a gesture like bride will come and take away their son/brother so their is a feeling of jealousy, in my case my sil's wedding day and my valima day is the same so everyone in my susraal (basic family members) took care of her not mine, so I feel it but as far as my hubby's compliments are most important for me and his relatives like cousins, mumanis and chachis praised me so its enough for me.
maybe it was the circumstances u got married in. I know my cousin married a trini guy and there was like noo cpmplements cept for the occasional food is great and u look amazing. On the other hand...u could be thankful abt not getting complemnts. I personally suk at giving them. Someone once told me my eyes remind them of a beach cuz blue/green/orange and i was like thnx. They had very light brn eyes that could be described as kishmishi so i told them that theirs was the colour of rasins. THAT was an awkward moment. As long as u dserve the complments said or unsaid, ur gr8.
^ LOL!!! ahahahahaha, the color of raisins! dude, that would have made me laugh so hard. how did they react?
i'd care... it would bug me espe. if they made it a point to compliment everyone else except me, as for hugging/kissing... aren't they part of desi greeting? if they didn't do that with me, i'd be well pissed off. actually, let me clarify- i'd care the first couple of times and once i was sure they were just being biatchy and not just having a bad day, i wouldn't give a toss about their opinion. i find its usually something petty like jealousy that makes people behave this way- its very smallminded and completely childish. i say meh to them and their 5-year old behaviour.
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't." Margaret Thatcher
Yes, I would feel bad too, hey we're human and have feelings. Just a question.. how was their behaviour the night of the wedding? did you go home or were you whisked off to a hotel after the function? Tonz of things happen at weddings that go unnoticed cuz we're sitting on a stage looking all pretty - maybe its not customary for them to come and greet u and hug u since its a function from their side and usually its a norm for the dulha's family to be on the floor greeting the guests and walking around making sure everyone is having fun. Don't take things personally my dear.. some families have different customs. Just learn to accept everyone for who they are.. if they didnt come up on stage.. I wudve gone down and met them during dinner or had them specially invited up on stage to have dinner with me to clear up the air. Aisi choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain.. believe me im like the queen of sensitivity but my husbands' taught me one thing and that is the fact that no other woman is as beautiful as I am - and no matter what anyone else does - if your nice to them and ur positive - u'll alwyz make a place in their hearts.. koi baat nahi agar theek tarha nahi mile to - dont let this get into ur mind.. cuz once u start thinking on this track.. things start building up and adding up and it creates misunderstandings.. so stay happy and respect everyone - sab kuch khudi sahi hojaata hai
it doesnt matter wessay bhi i dont really believe in compliments,i do it all the time n most of the times i know i dont mean it, i m just saying it to make someone happy.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stranger." wohhoo shout out to the joker
would you take offense if none of the woman in your in-laws(except 1) compliemented you just even once by themselves or didnt even make one positive statement about you or didnt smile at you or hug you or kiss you on the day of function?
say for example the only people who said naything nice about you was your hubby and your brother in law and your hubby's momani but NONE of the main women did especially your sister in law and mother in law?..and you felt like they were doing this on purpose in front of you
WOULD you take offense and take it seriously?
would you take it to mean that the women in your sasural s dont care about you?
or that they are trying to be mean to you on purpose?
is this a bad omen for the future?
honey my inlaws specially the budian (old women)do behave like tht,our marriage was the decision of my husbund and his brothers but remaining of my inlaws was not happy with our rishta,thts why till now they dont behave nicely,in earlier days i was bit upset of thier behavior,i talk to my husbund and he told me to ignore thier behavior and dont listen thier foolishness,once my sister in law said my husbund u did fist marriage with ur will now do second with our merzi,even she said in front of me,tht was difficult to bare but i did,so i waana say is if ur husbund is nice to u and he is with u ,then nothing doesnt really matter ,ignore them
no one from my in laws side - girls that is - complimented me on my 3 days of my wedding, apart from my husbands eldest sister in law. My MIL, and two other SIL's only now say I looked lovely, when they look back and drool over the pics! It did not bother me at all because mashallah, everyone told me I looked amazing and as his two sisters are near my age, and don't dress like I do, I knew it was plain jealousy - because women are jealous creatures! His two youngest sisters will also mention my sisters outfits from time to time but never say how nice they were - when deep down they wish they had them! Everyone at the wedding was amazed by my sisters barat oufits and were so happy to see them 'done up' as it wasnt the norm for my sisters. Where his two youngest sisters wore really old styles and dated jewellery and had there own hair/make up done.
I did most of the planning for both sides of the family and alot of there extended family tell them that if it wasnt for your DIL your functions would never have happened, that is enough for me lol. His SIL had her ruksati and I did all the table decs/stage/cake etc, and all there extended family were really happy but not once was I told by my sis in laws that i did a good job. Its just jealousy, plus no one even complimented my maria b outfit that i wore, his sisters would look very closely at the suit but not say 'mashallah you look lovely' i think ppl who dont have an agenda will always compliment you. but other than that mashallah everyone in there family is amazing with me apart from when i get dressed up lol. the thing is that his SIL's are not pretty - not that I am - and are very overweight. They dont know how to apply makeup or do hair, and have never heard of designers in pakistan. there idea of a fab outfit is from the local market at 30.00!
and the other thing that must annoy them is there own husbands will compliment me infront of them......maybe that annoys them?
Last edited by Silsila; Aug 21st, 2008 at 08:53 AM.
Original poster, Atleast you didnt have anyone from the inlaws (one of the main ones) tell you your sister looked more prettier than you, the bride on the wedding day?
I love children and old people. Its everyone in between I can't stand - Don Imus
honey my inlaws specially the budian (old women)do behave like tht,our marriage was the decision of my husbund and his brothers but remaining of my inlaws was not happy with our rishta,thts why till now they dont behave nicely,in earlier days i was bit upset of thier behavior,i talk to my husbund and he told me to ignore thier behavior and dont listen thier foolishness,once my sister in law said my husbund u did fist marriage with ur will now do second with our merzi,even she said in front of me,tht was difficult to bare but i did,so i waana say is if ur husbund is nice to u and he is with u ,then nothing doesnt really matter ,ignore them
What a rotten SIL to tell him get second wife with our merzi! I suppose ppl like that say things in order to get u to react, so its good that u dont react, hopefully sooner or later they'll realise their words r not having any effect and leave off.
Original poster, Atleast you didnt have anyone from the inlaws (one of the main ones) tell you your sister looked more prettier than you, the bride on the wedding day?
Is that what they said to u? There are evil ppl in this world!
I got a whole load of comments from extended in-laws cos they were p'd off that husband had not married in the family (i.e. one of their daughters / one of them). I still get them even after a few years, but I dont react, just laugh and joke like it doesnt mean anything to me, and it gets them riled and helpless cos nothing they say thats gonna make me upset.
