haha - she works, puts food on the table and yet ur still complaining.. ajeeb baat hai. & no ur mother does not need to know everything, if you want her to yes she will. You were not married before, now u are; rules and things change..
Mystical she does not work, she has done a little bit of consultancy for a few days since our marriage, but i have been out working more days than her.Also, we dont need my employment per se, the few times she has said i should find something is so that i get busy and it will keep my mind off of other things. But bhai it is not like i am completely farigh, idher udher kuch na kuch tau kiya hi hai thorathora. please understand money from my job is not our issue, she knows it i know it.
Bhai, nothing is wrong with her. It's you the problem! Step up she's your wife, take control bud. So what if she brings home the $? Tell her, quit your job and I will find a job to support us, she's not happy with that then tell her to SHUT UP.
Seriously man, I agree with Mirch, you sound like a whinin wife.
"A State divided into a small number of rich and a large number of poor will always develop a government manipulated by the rich to protect the amenities represented by their property."
and you are still only thinking about you and your happiness you must think of yourself as a we rather than an I. your saying i'm unhappy, i'm not settling in well, i'm not okay and although you know you have a problem in your marriage you still aren't thinking of why she might be feeling like she is.
nahi nahi, we love eachother very much. we just end up fighting like kuttay billi which start on minor issues.
Ansoon first, I have explained that I did find some activities to do, but there is not a whole lot that can be done. At the end of the day I have to spend most of my time at home. This place does not have lahore dyaN mojan. I spent my entire life in lahore, te hun dil kdray vi nai lagda. I am trying, I am finding activities to do, lekin I want to do activities together, haftay guzer jatay hain and we dont even go out on dinners. Even that my mother had to explain to her ke bibi bhahar aya jaya karo saath saath. All we did initially was just visit a few major malls and few other places in town.
I have explained the embarrassment at asking for my choice of ffod, so i do not have to explain it more. That issue has been resolved though. I do get most dishes that I like and am used to of, bas idher udher kabhi kabhi kanni mar deti hai.
Alright so you need a time-pass activity.. yaara yeh lahore nahi hai.. we work our ass off to get a quality life. that is what your wife is doing. She is working her butt off so that you both can have house to live in and food to eat. You are NOT a baby anymore. Go get a freaking job and work. Sitting at home is not healthy here. Again, this is not lahore meri jaan.. yeah America hai.. if you don't like it then move back to Pakistan.. if you can't then learn to adopt and appreciate that you wife has not left you yet.
I say wake up before she decides to dump you coz man that would be the worst for you.
mujh sey khushiaan ley gaya aur degya kagaz kay phoool
abb meray ghar mein paray hain jabaja kagaz kay phoool
I agree with Faisal. And the biggest most glaring issue right now is your statement "my mother has a right to know every single thing that hapens in our relationship".
WRONG. You are no longer living with Mommy. You are the head of a household, you are a man and you have a wife. You share things with your wife that you DO NOT share with your mother. I totally understand your wife's aggressiveness - it is likely born of frustration that she married a little boy instead of a man. Are you too young for this? Not ready yet to leave the nest? Thats OK if thats the case...but if that IS the case then you need to figure out how you want to address it ... and you need to figure it out with your WIFE. NOT your mother.
Mamaof 3. if a person cant share things with his/her mother then who to share with? mothers are closest people in our lives. I am my ammi ka shahzada, she knows it. why cant she understand i dont need money, i dont need food, all i need is love.
I am 28, my wife is a little older. i want people's help to know how to address it.
I think what upsetting is her that u don't have a job...maybe uskae friends usko tease kartae hoon kai tumarae husband tumari kaamai kaha raha hai etc.. u know wht i mean.. ho sakta hai...
try to find a job...i m sure u will find one...
btw, how long u been married?
do u guys go out for movies, gathering etc....ya phir sif fighting hee hoti hai...
ya phir wife kuch ziada apae sai bahir ho rahi... :P control her..hehee
nahi. that is not upsetting her, she has said that many times. she say she just want me to keep busy and that is one way and i do get odd jobs here and there to gain experience. i am not perfect at anything you know and that is not our issue. please people, understand that. we have lots of mony, thankfully to Allah mian.
bhai .. dekho simple si baat hai.. you are seeking attention. Like my 5 yr old cousin does. You love your mom, so do we. You are attached to your mom, so is everyone else. But here you need to standup for yourself and learn to communicate with your wife without your mom.
You are 28yr old yet you are as .. abb kiya kahoon..
I am sorry lothario..a successful marriage is between two independent minded people who become co-dependent when brought together..love is heavily reflected through our codependency...think of a marriage as a two headed mythological character..with one body...thats how it is....a married couple is a two headed animal with one body.....period.
Right now, you dont have a 'relationship'....it feels as if your wife has adopted a foreign kid..who hasnt weaned off his birth mother yet.
''I am the fifth dimension. I am the eighth wonder of the world, I can split the atom.''
I agree with Mamaof3. Things that go between a husband and wife should stay between them, and i am not just talking about bedroom stuff. I would hate it if my husband ran to his mother with every problem we had between us. Mothers are partial to their own kids and even if she tries not to, your mother will be partial to you.
I think your biggest problem is lack of communication. You need to tell your wife about your problems, not your mother.
Ira, communication is an issue i think. i sometimes keep things to myself, it is difficult for me to open up to a new person. When we try to talk she says something and instead of talk we end up fighting. i keep most of my complaints to myself. i am a shareef admi and do not like complaining.
my mother does not get involved, she goes running to her after fights, phir my ammi khabar leti hain haha.
Please don't get offended this thread seems to be opened by a whining wife rather than a husband. You are whining about very petty things , the things you should have taken charge of and fixed instead of complaining to your mama , or daddy or your wife.
I agree with Faisal about marriage counseling , you two need it desperately.
Mirch, what rule says husbands should not whine when their complaints are on merit. Kya mard ka dil nahi dard kerta?
I get the feeling that you dont agree with any of the advice given here since we want you to change and instead you want someone to blame your wife for the problems in your marriage.
I love children and old people. Its everyone in between I can't stand - Don Imus
before you say something even more idotic.. let me clear few things (correct me if i am wrong):
- You don't work
- You don't cook
so what exactly do you do all day?
- Your wife cooks
- Your wife works
So what exactly do you do in this marriage? No one is asking that you should work and she should sit at home.. but its common logic that a husband usually earns money to provide for his family. Call it paindo, call it whatever you want. If you look around yourself, you will see that 100% of the ppl around you follow that logic.
Allah ka shukar hai kay you are not handicapped or anything like that which makes you sit at home on your ass.
You have to present a case for yourself here. You gotta show us what is that you bring to the marriage?
Nahi nahi, i do work sometimes. lekin we both know it is not the end of the world and not required. this has never been an issue for us to fight. but it was brought up by her in some fights but not the reason of the fight. she does not work, well may be a few days of consultancy work in a few months and I have never in my full life have asked her to work, never.
please dont give me advice on things that are not even our issue.
hamae samaj nahi araha kai tum kiya samjaana chahtae hoo...
ho sakta hai she doens't want to be with u anymore :P thats why fightng each other.
i never said that u work, and she stays home wivies like desi..this is ameirca
bhai mujhay khud samajh nahi aara. we do love eachother but dont know how to live peacefully. she wants to be with me, why would she not want to be with me, we both love each other very much, lekin jhagray nai khatum hotay. this is khambakht america.
aik tau mujhay respect ki nahi samajh aati, jang mai to everyone fights, jab jhagra shuru ho gaya to doora bhi laray ga hi na.
Actually lothario (nice nick, BTW), I am very serious when I recommend professional marriage counselling.
One or two things wrong here and there, people here can provide good tips to turn things around. What we have here is pretty much a train wreck. There are just way too many things wrong. Both of you need to re-engineer your lives and attitudes. This is beyond the scope of an online discussion forum. Seriously.
because that will give u something to keep yourself busy and might help to sort out a few problems...
IMO u have too much time to think about whats the menu or the color of the walls or bed covers...etc...
I truly hope things work out for u and ur wife...Inshallah...Good luck..!!..
yaar ethay koi lahori nai jera meri side lai? maybe i did not explain myself properly, maybe i gave you all her good things. she sometimes make me feel she doesnot trust me. now when you are husband and you feel that your wife has trust issues then it causes more depression.
Bhai, nothing is wrong with her. It's you the problem! Step up she's your wife, take control bud. So what if she brings home the $? Tell her, quit your job and I will find a job to support us, she's not happy with that then tell her to SHUT UP.
Seriously man, I agree with Mirch, you sound like a whinin wife.
bhai, that is not a issue we fight about or have problems with, log samajhday kyon nai?
Alright so you need a time-pass activity.. yaara yeh lahore nahi hai.. we work our ass off to get a quality life. that is what your wife is doing. She is working her butt off so that you both can have house to live in and food to eat. You are NOT a baby anymore. Go get a freaking job and work. Sitting at home is not healthy here. Again, this is not lahore meri jaan.. yeah America hai.. if you don't like it then move back to Pakistan.. if you can't then learn to adopt and appreciate that you wife has not left you yet.
I say wake up before she decides to dump you coz man that would be the worst for you.
aray meray yaar, work is not problem in life. we have enough and allh da sukar hai it grows everyday. she does not work either, she keeps herself busy in domestic activities and gets an escape from the boriat i have, she does not even understand ke mai khuwar hota hooN tv ke samnay. we dont have dish, aik adha indian chanal, no pakistani dramay.
people here are just giving u advices based on wht u wrote. either explain ur situation better or take these advices that people are giving and improve ur relationship.
based on wht u wrote initially, you are the one being a baby.
sorry but this is true
A) Get a job (even if you dont need one)..just get busy!
B) Make yourself look/feel important.
C) Earn your respect
D) Be a gentleman--you will be respected by your mother AND your wife.
E) Learn to be social as a couple
F) you have ALOT of issues...not just trust issues...
G) Be emotionally available for your wife..she needs you too.
H) The reason she runs to your mother with every complaint is because she doesnt feel like you belong to her....that is a MAJOR turnoff for any woman!!
Mirch, what rule says husbands should not whine when their complaints are on merit. Kya mard ka dil nahi dard kerta?
Whining is when the complaints are baseless. I am sorry to say against that you are whining about petty things.
She does not cook what I like , the bed sheets are pink , she says that her friends husband bought a nice house , a nice car.
When the complaints are genuine they are communicated to the person against whom you have complaints and things are sorted out between two adults.
I agree to most posters here that you have too much time at your hands. Make yourself busy and you will magically find out that your life is full of adventure and you will come out of this self pity mode. These are some ways to make yourself busy and valuable member of society register yourself with some volunteer program. Go clean your Masjid. Pray nawafil , read and ponder on Quran . Start writing a blog or a book about how stay home husbands can make them useful and lead meaningful lives when you start research on this subject you will have no time to pay attention to these petty things.
Mard ka dill dard karana chah-e-a but not for petty things and petty complaints , but for big issues , like hunger, poverty, illiteracy , diseases in the world. Rising prices of oil gas , falling property prices, stock market crash etc.
alhamdolillah...
