Close female friends

CM · Sep 9th, 2008, 10:47 AM

A simple question, how would an average Pakistani female (you lot reading this) react to your husband or fiancée having some pretty close female friends. To illustrate I have roughly 4 females or various nationality, religious make up and ethnicity that I am pretty close too.

I have been friends with them for years and have know and hung out with them or their boyfriends on the course of our friendship. But since we were friends before the significant other showed up, we have our own thing. We tend to meet up to discuss stuff or chat just the two of us. Its rather common for me to visit them and an afternoon is set aside for us to hang out. We also chat every few 2 or 3 days on the net - have been doing so for a few years now. It is kinda common for me to turn to them regarding issues of work or social stuff.

Of course I must clarify all these relationships are completely and utterly platonic. No issues there whatsoever, esp. considering two of them date my friends.

Anyway how would one react to having a husband or fiancée with close personal relations with other women? Of course the relationships are completely asexual.

RupayHalwa · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:02 AM

My husband wouldn't hang out alone with another female, and i wouldn't hang out alone with another male.

Not that i won't trust him, but i certainly wouldn't like it if he did that, and he wouldn't like it if i did that.

Mirch · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:05 AM

Ask yourself will it be OK with you if your wife or fiancée has similar platonic relationship with men.
Then you will find your answer easily which will satisfy you.

CM · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mirch

Ask yourself will it be OK with you if your wife or fiancée has similar platonic relationship with men.
Then you will find your answer easily which will satisfy you.

Absolutely no problem with that. Just because you get married does not mean you are completely off limits to the other gender. Sure the dynamic changes, but I have no problem with my wife having similar relationships.

Mirch · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CM

Absolutely no problem with that. Just because you get married does not mean you are completely off limits to the other gender. Sure the dynamic changes, but I have no problem with my wife having similar relationships.

In that case I guess she will have no problem with your platonic relationships either.
But what if she does have an issue with your platonic relationships and is not willing to compromise on this issue , would you be willing to adjust your lifestyle for your wife or fiancée ? I would , whatever makes her happy , makes me happy.

saraali · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:25 AM

i think that would be a little wierd.. and uncomfortable. its nothing to do with trust.. and i know my fiancee has girl mates but he will see them once in a blue moon.. and that too once he tells me.. and vice versa..

i think this is already mentioned but ... really.. how would you feel knowing your wife shared such close friendship 9and completley platonic) with men. If you are cool with that - thats brilliant.. relay this to her.. but if that makes you feel a little uncomfortable knowing some other man may share your mrs's personal thoughts (as friends do) then why would it be any different for her.

Ambassador1 · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:26 AM

CM, I havent your whole post but the first para only.

But myself, I dont care how many or how close female friends my SO has IF that is not affecting OUR relationship.

PSquared · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CM

A simple question, how would an average Pakistani female (you lot reading this) react to your husband or fiancée having some pretty close female friends. To illustrate I have roughly 4 females or various nationality, religious make up and ethnicity that I am pretty close too.

I have been friends with them for years and have know and hung out with them or their boyfriends on the course of our friendship. But since we were friends before the significant other showed up, we have our own thing. We tend to meet up to discuss stuff or chat just the two of us. Its rather common for me to visit them and an afternoon is set aside for us to hang out. We also chat every few 2 or 3 days on the net - have been doing so for a few years now. It is kinda common for me to turn to them regarding issues of work or social stuff.

Of course I must clarify all these relationships are completely and utterly platonic. No issues there whatsoever, esp. considering two of them date my friends.

Anyway how would one react to having a husband or fiancée with close personal relations with other women? Of course the relationships are completely asexual.

This is hard to answer. After marriage, things are supposed to change a bit. There have to be certain distances between the other gender and yourself. Why wouldnt you want to rely on your wife for emotional support? She is supposed to be your best friend now.

I dont think you should get rid of your female friends. Im sure they can be friends with your wife as well. But I do think the frequency of your interaction with them should be decreasing a bit. Why? Because you do not want your wife to view them as comeptition and develop any hostility towards them.

It also depends on how you're interacting with them. Are you very touchy feely? If you are, that is a no-no.

Bottom line is, if you make your wife feel secure...she wont have a probem with your female friends.

Sahar02 · Sep 9th, 2008, 11:57 AM

I would not want my husband sharing intimate and family information with these friends (female or non). I also would feel uncomfortable if he shared things with them that he did not share with me.

PhatBalongri · Sep 9th, 2008, 12:03 PM

It depends on the girl you marry but as you can see most wont be okay with it. It would also depend on how you interact with them.

Sara516 · Sep 9th, 2008, 12:13 PM

Good Question, opposite member friends that u mostly see with other people/in a group and very little interaction alone is one thing but close friendships is not so simple IMO. I'm not sure about. If ur talking to someone so frequently, ure more likely to share intimate details and information (whether same or opposite gender) so it is more likely to have an effect on the relationship.

Sahar02 · Sep 9th, 2008, 01:34 PM

Also, if there was frequent and regular alone-time, I don't think I'd like it. But I'm coming from the perspective where my husband is my best friend. It's hard to imagine this.

shining_star · Sep 9th, 2008, 01:51 PM

Well,i wouldn't be having problem if my partner would be having female friends,but,i wouldn't like it if he would be having any close relations with any female friends..it's not that i wouldn't trust him,it's just because i would be uncomfortable with it..

Saarim · Sep 9th, 2008, 03:02 PM

Ironically, it is much more dangerous for your wife to have a very close female friend. That will present a much greater potential of negatively affecting your marriage.

CorruptAngel · Sep 9th, 2008, 03:28 PM

I wouldn't mind my husband having female friends. He does have online/work/family female friends and I'm totally okay with it but one thing I cannot tolerate is if my husband is frequently chatting or hanging out with them without involving me. We both try to interact with each other's friends so we have mutual friends whom we can invite over to our home. I absolutely cannot tolerate my husband sharing personal info with any friend whether it's a male or female.

PSquared · Sep 9th, 2008, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saarim

Ironically, it is much more dangerous for your wife to have a very close female friend. That will present a much greater potential of negatively affecting your marriage.

OH? And how do you assume that Saarim?

PSquared · Sep 9th, 2008, 04:08 PM

So,

It seems as if you can have female friends, they just cant be close after marriage.

You cannot share your personal information with them.

You cannot be closer to them than your wife.

Am I missing anything here?

Saarim · Sep 9th, 2008, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PSquared

OH? And how do you assume that Saarim?

Because the husband-with-his-female friends relationship don't last long anyway. They kinda go away on their own.

But the wife-with-her-best-girlfriend relationship always goes strong, and is much more common. And that's what gets the husband in the end!
He doesn't even see it coming.

I have a porch in front of my house, where I usually sit on during the summer days and watch the neighbors play out their lives. So I've seen it with my own eyes.

Careful of 2 close women who share everything.

PSquared · Sep 9th, 2008, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saarim

Because the husband-with-his-female friends relationship don't last long anyway. They kinda go away on their own.

Interesting, I would find the husband-with-his-female friends relationship to be more dangerous. And, unless he pushes them away, they dont go away.

But the wife-with-her-best-girlfriend relationship always goes strong, and is much more common. And that's what gets the husband in the end!
He doesn't even see it coming.

Yes, he does. He just chooses to ignore it. She complains when she feels neglected or ignored to her friends. Why shouldnt she?

I have a porch in front of my house, where I usually sit on during the summer days and watch the neighbors play out their lives. So I've seen it with my own eyes.

Two old retired women dont count!

Careful of 2 close women who share everything.

Careful of a man who is popular with the ladies.

MatineeSiren · Sep 9th, 2008, 07:16 PM

I'm 100% ok with my husband being friends with women. I have a couple of male friends, one being gay and one not. I don't decide who to be friends with based on their genitalia, and I would hate it that my husband would be so shallow as to use that specification to decide who to be friendly with.