friend in need - Page 2

D@rkNgt · Oct 30th, 2008, 10:22 AM

very bad all in all .... sad story

PSquared · Oct 30th, 2008, 11:45 AM

Most of the people here are of the opinion that she needs to take a step on her own and I agree. Lil_Ash, there is nothing you can do aside from be there to support her in this rut she is in. You're a good friend and she needs someone like you to build her confidence. She doesnt have the confidence, courage or himmat to take these steps right now...you can help her by building her self-esteem for her. Show her all is not lost and she is worth a lot more than what her family thinks.

Like one of the posters here said before...Allah helps those who help themselves. If she takes a step, she will find Allah swt right next to her the rest of the way. But it has to be something she initiates.

What she needs to do is get out of this situation. It sounds like she is a smart girl and had a lot of potential. All is not lost, she is only 17 years old, not 37. She can still get her high school diploma/GED, go to a junior college for two years, transfer to a state school after that and graduate on time or maybe a year after her class.

There is still A LOT of hope for her.

zxcvb · Oct 30th, 2008, 01:03 PM

The problem is that she is being taken for granted and her status is like that of a servant.

She needs to start taking a stand, she needs to start saying NO and not back down from any threats and mind tricks.
She needs to start saying things which will probably make everyone angry but it will also make them start considering as Something.
If her sister asks her to take care for her kids, then she should say NO, say I am not your your nanny or ask for her for babysitting fees.
Ask her to stop doing any kind of housework, and so on.
Ask her to start making threats like she will go to social services or the police...and so on.

Croquet · Oct 30th, 2008, 07:15 PM

dont forget to pray for her with whatever else you decide to do. i am at a lost as to how you could actually help her. May Allah help her.

lil_ash · Oct 30th, 2008, 10:52 PM

hey guys thanks for all the replies i called her up today and kind of talked to her about it , she is kind of concidering to get some help from social activist but she wants to know if it will effect their family status in any way. i mean r they going to get into trouble court or anything? im so glad she thought about it! I hope and know Allah has way better planned for her.

shoponline4kaprey · Oct 31st, 2008, 02:10 AM

If she's always lived in a strict pakistani household, might be hard for her to stay in a group home which is where social services will put her. You can maybe alert social serives as long as she's under 18 because she is required to go to school till then. I suggest you try and get her in a GED program so at least she has a High school degree and maybe she can go to college some day.

Mirch · Oct 31st, 2008, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lil_ash

hey guys thanks for all the replies i called her up today and kind of talked to her about it , she is kind of concidering to get some help from social activist but she wants to know if it will effect their family status in any way. i mean r they going to get into trouble court or anything? im so glad she thought about it! I hope and know Allah has way better planned for her.

I am not an expert on this subject but my common sense tells me that they are not physically abusing her so the family should not be in any trouble. But I know this much that in the state I live in if parents do not have an explanation of why kids were absent from school for certain number of days authorities get alerted. I know this because my middle school going kid did not submit his sick day absence notes to the teacher and I got a letter to that effect from school and then I had to go to the school and find out what happened and how to remedy the situation.

Croquet · Nov 1st, 2008, 03:18 PM

she is an adult i think u wrote so she probably had to formally complain for an action to be taken. why the hell some families are like this.

desigirl786 · Nov 1st, 2008, 04:26 PM

Well your taking a step by being a good friend. Make sure she can trust you and be there for her whenever possible. I really feel bad for her and I hope Allah (SWT) makes things easier for her. Ameen.

lil_ash · Nov 2nd, 2008, 12:59 AM

yea well dat step is gud for nothing
so she steps back again! UGH! I HATE IT. NOW IM STARTIGN TO THINK SHE GAVE HER FAMILY THE POWER TO DO EVERYTHING TO HER. I CNT TALK FOR HER OR TAKE A STEP FORWARD FOR HER. SHE HAS TO DO IT ILL BE O NHER SIDE. BUT SHE IS AS ALWAYS CONFUSED AND SCARED. I GUESS DIS IS ONE OF THE MOMENTS WHERE U JUS SIT BAK AND SAY DAT LIFE IS TOUGGH AND ODD.
I HOPE SHE GETS HAPPINESS IN THE FUTURE. I AM NOT GOING TO TELL HER TO TAKE A STEP FORWARD NOW ANYMORE. SHE IS GETTINGME ME MORE ANGRY AT HER DNE HER FAMILY NOW.
LIFE SUKZ! IM HATING EVERYTHING AT DIS MOMENT.