lil_ash

hI GUYS, so dis is the first time im writing a thread.
I recently moved to another city. and i met an old and i mean a reali old friend of mine here. i've known her since she was like in 5th grade. it was a coincedence cuz she jus moved out here too like 40mmind rive form my place. So the thing is i always adored her and her high spirit. but wen i met and had a talk wit her she was jus changed BIG TIME CHANGED! i was so disappointed and worried. let me kinda write down her story , ill try to be brief.

so i met her in elementry , she was relli freindly kind of a nerd but stil happy and nice . since we lived in same area we went to same high sckool. she was full of dreams and spirit and jus all dis she wanted toacchhieve in her life. she was basically form some small town in paki so i guess she had more enthusiasm in her. her dad had always been really strict , especially bout clothing and after skool activites, he use to drive a cab or sometimes limoosine - to me a depressed guy who need anger management. her mom is really innocent or shud i say too inocent and uneducated, she cnt even read. so she was always a move along wit the world kinda gurl and her family kept pushing her back and stufff. her dad got more anger porblems as she entered high schol. and den like i found out form my mom , and later se told dat her brother left for paki and he was involved in some online fraud crap , and he even used her name and stuff. let me also include he was raised up wit everything he cud ask for since hew as the only boy.
so her dad was pissed off and used to take his anger out on her. even i witnessed as he used to hit her while droppping her to the sckool as i watched sitting in the backseat. she use to wipe h er tears on the skool door and had dis big smile on her face as she entered skool god know if it was real or not.

she was such a good actor and dancer as she used to do it secretly afterskool for the skool. den she told me shes going topaki end of sophomore year for some her sis wedding. i was happy . she actually went to wvisit her sis here in texas. her sis is a total MEAN ----- . she lied to her bout sending her to paki and she kept her wit her for 7 months letting her miss her skool- she looked after her 2 kids all day and stuff. and den she finally went to paki for the wedding and den they made her stay for 9 months der so she basically missed a complete skool year. because of the reason dat her bro doesnt wanna go bak to the city he came from since he did some fraud crap. so den they finally decided to come to texas as her bro-in-law promised her bro a job wit gud pay. wen they all came here he didnt get a call bak from the job. she stil hasnt started skool. they wudnt even let her work pat time and now her sis has a third baby and she looks after dem all day as she hears her sis yell and stuff for not doing something write while she jus sits bak and relax. her mom keeps telling her to be patient, and her bro jus stays in the room all day. she totally misses her city and shez in COMPLETE DEPRESSION. wen i talked to her she jus broke down in tears. she havent had a talk wit an of her friends for past 1 year and a half. she stayed wt her old mom and crazy brother. she hates her whole family for using her . even i think they r jus using her witout thinking of her. its depresing to see she hasnt started skool yet shes turning 18 in 2 months. I reallli want to help her cuz i cudnt sleep since she told me. her poor body and mind is goiing through all dis at such a young age. if i was her i wudve run away. shes completely changed. a gurl who cud never let anything come in the way of her dreams now stopped dreaming? she so patient mashalah . but dis pateince needs to end. tell me a way i can help her PLZZZ? or some kind of advice i shud give her
pllz ppl! dis is serious! im her only friend now.

Red Ruby

That is awful. she must feel like is totally alone in the world and everyone is out there to just use her. u need to make her feel loved and be able to turn her mind to other things rather than just her problems.

when ur with her talk about other things, not her problems, talk about school days and stuff and go out, go for meals and take her mind off things. Don’t probe her for information, let her tell u in her own time.

How can a father treat his own child like that. Its disgusting. Is her father still living with her. She needs to distance herself from doing her families chores. Why cant her sister look after her own kids. Once she has gained the confidence she will need to stand up to her sister, but first u need to help her gain that confidence.

Good luck and keep us updated

RupayHalwa

She should enrol herself at school without telling anyone, and after everything is finalised, just get ready and leave the house and go to school on the first day of term, telling folks at home that she is going. If she persists in going everyday, then they will have to get used to it and accept it.

Mirch

Contact department of social services and get her into women shelter , that seems to be the only way out of this mess for her , she can go to school and work part time , there is no dearth of odd jobs in Texas and cost of living is so low that she can live happily ever after.

RupayHalwa

^ Its actually a good idea if the girl wants to leave her family. But if it may mean that either the family will refuse to have anything to do with her for at least the next few years, OR that they will try to find her and bring her back or make her life a misery and she will always have to look over her shoulder. If she can live like that then fine, otherwise not good.

Mirch

She can move to some other city with the help of those shelter people , they will ensure her privacy and security.

lil_ash

well the thing is dat she is only 17 and she kinda feels bad bout leavinng her family. she said she wants to run away but something at the last minute stops her. about her skool she hasnt been to skool for a year and a half so im thinking going to high skool wud take her forever . i was thinking of taking her wit me to college so she can apply for GED. but she has no time off from kidz. shez emotionally shattered and disappointed from everyone. she keeps saying Allah wil do something gud. but how can he wen she is not willing to help her self???

Mirch

She has to get out of the clutches of that family , if you can get her admitted to college , will her sister give her time to study ? Who is going to take care of her tuition , books , transportation to and from college ?

aiklarkithe

what about her mum. what does she say about it? she should ask her mum to move out with her. taking a step alone is very brave and not a good idea. most likely her mum would want her to get eduation as well as she herself didnt had that opportunity.

maybe her mum needs to rethink. i have seen many uneduated women standing up for their rights. so its better if she encourages her mum and than take a step together.

lil_ash

yea but her mom jus tells her to have patience things wil be rite. her mom been saying dat for years now. also i cud kind of feel she wudnt let her daughter get in the way of her screwed up brother. she luvz her only son. and she never relli supports her cuz she thinks she will get out of hands and become westernized. to me i think she is in a realli stuck position. i barely see any choice for her except running away but den dat will leave alot of consiquences.

aiklarkithe

its not uncommon for desi parents to take their side of their son/s and ignore their daughters even if they know their son are doing wrong things.
maybe encourge her to stand up to her mum/sister and tell them what she wants.

honestly, i dont see any choice for her but running away is not in her best interest. her family and others will question her character and she will be blamed for everthing that did or will happen to the family.

its not easy to change mind of desis.

lil_ash

yea im getting a lil hopeless too. maybe shes jus going to have to deal wit all dat. and find happiness in dat small little dark box but its jus so sad dat ppl bring dere families to a country like dis and still run wit their old mentalilty

Your President

She needs to call the cops - report her family - get gov. support and move on with her life. No one can touch her if she's under police security.
What an a-hole family!

aiklarkithe

but she cant live like this. she needs education to live. she cant be like her mum and live her life with out anysort of education. its not possible.


tell her to stand up to her mum and sister and tell them she wants education and than act according to their reaction.

FrozenFire

friend in need is a friend i dont need.

Shark Man

She must call Social Services on her family. This is absurd. She is a mere child. She needs some serious help.
Her own family ........ How sad.

Straight_up

It's really nice of you to be so concerned about your friend.

All I have to say is, God only helps those who help themselves. At the end of the day, if she can't find courage to stand up for herself - what can anyone else do, right?

lil_ash

lollll den u dont realli need a friend u jus need someone to kill time wit

lil_ash

yea she is in complete depression . she really lost all the hope for any better at such a young age wen grls her age r so worry free . but den how can i help her wen shes jus too scared for anything. i told her we shud call the cops or she shud jus leave witout telling, but she says its not so easy to leave the ppl u been wit for 17 years .

Mirch

If she seeks help of social services , nobody can say anything against her character. She is not eloping , they will keep a check on her life from then on. Looks like she has compromised with her situation. She is in a love-hate relationship with her family. She loves to hate them or hates to love them. At this point of time nobody can help her as she is not willing to take any action. Allah un key madad nahi kartay jo apni madad aap nahi kartay.
All words no action is not going to get her anywhere and get her out of this pickle.
May Allah give her courage to get out of this rut. Ameen.