Five Ways to Deepen Your Procrastination

saap · Nov 1st, 2008, 11:02 AM

Feeling overwhelmed and trying to move to the next level? Before you make that mistake, read this:

1. "I'm only here to do my job"

Juggle more projects than a highwire artist with five flaming torches? That's because you took on more than you could chew and it's your fault. Make sure that your boss knows that you are at work to do your job and not theirs. Frame and hang your job description and every time your boss trots in another "emergency" project that "is priority" and needs "movement, asap", very slowly turn to your laminated job description and make sure it falls within your duties. Hold a meeting to discuss project, write it up, email it to the entire department, wait, read and report on the feedback. Have a coffee break. Then have lunch. Hold another meeting to discuss the next step. Wow, it's time for dinner! Where does the time go?

2. You will never escape your past.

Remember that time you broke down in tears because your boss yet again blamed you for his @#$% up? Or how you stood up to him/her because you thought that their last decision was even more short sighted than the one before? Or your passing that email from a disgruntled customer complaining about a cheap product that you had, with the skill of Kofi Annan, diplomatically tried discussing with the boss several times that year? It's your fault and they will never forget it.

3. Set Your Goals Lower

Let's be real. You've already gone far and beyond your duties because you had not followed Rule One. Overtime is your life and your lips are paralysed in a permanent pucker because you are low in the chain of command. Your company squeezes at least 10 thou more out of you than they are willing to pay. Are you actually going to subsidize this corporation with your time, brainpower and labor? I think not.

4. Do Have You Time to Even Spell the Word "Goal"?

5. Take Hostages!

If you are going down, the whole ship sinks with you! Document everything for Human Resources, continue to add to and edit that expose to all local papers, make sure that you leave with at least half the staff. Picture yourself as the Mel Gibson character in the movie "Braveheart"-what his name? Show that fat, incompetent, overpaid board of directors whats what! Get fired if you can, because that means Unemployment checks!