bisoux

so i am 21 and I am getting married in about 6 months inshallah....I've been engaged for 3 years now and after much struggle I am finally getting married
so what I don't understand is why are people waiting to ruin my happiness and waiting for me to mess up my life just because according to them I am getting married too early???!!!
I feel like I can't escape any of them and none of them can be happy for me .......they are affecting my parents thinking and actually increasing my parents stress I would say
so some uncle said the following thing to my dad when my dad tried to happily tell him that he is getting his daughter married ," why are you getting her married so early, her education will be ruined!! She will not be able to study afterwards!!".....can you imagine how that hurt my dad who expected his friend to be at least somewhat happy for him
on top of this my mom found out through one of her other friends that some aunty has been talking badly about me , saying, "she is getting married so early, let's see what happens. Her education will not be completed and she will get pregnant and what will she do!!"
I feel like everyone's waiting for me to mess up just because I am not conventionally getting married after getting some freakkin pHD!!
this is really bothering me because I feel as if noone's happy for me and they are just putting doubts in my parents mind about how they have made a poor decision in getting me married now

normally I wouldn't care if its just one person but I feel like there are so many of them

ps I am not leaving my education incomplete halfway....I am actually going to come back to finish my last year of undergrad

Iconoclast

if u got married after PhD, do u think people will be happy for u?

initiator

I think you're reading too much into the lines. If they are sincere and concerned about your education, then there is nothing wrong with saying that.

Gina~

People will talk.. if a girl gets married young it's "haww itni jaldi shaadi?" if she gets married late it's "hawww itni late shaadi?" let them speak.. the will always..and no matter what u do and how u do things..people are there and will talk. What matters is that u're happy..

Milly

No one is ever happy for anyone else, and truth be told we shouldnt really expect them to be. Live your life for you, as they won't.

Don't invite them to the wedding, I bet they wont see that one coming. Say you made an educated guess that they wouldnt enjoy themselves anyway!

bisoux

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but the way they have said it , it sounds as if they think I don't value education and will leave it half way so they are just assuming

education and marriage can go hand in hand and I have seen people do it
you can not stop one for the other....unless that is your choice then do what you like but I guess I am the type of person who doesn't like people meddling into my life

Stylical

you are doing well .... this is an ideal age of getting married.... good job!!!.....
and yea don't talk to those pplz who are not happy on your early marriage ....
I wish you a very happy marriage.....
It seems to me ideal when the parent are young and their kids look like their siblings... lolz
and don't delay ur pregnancy after marriage ....
I wish you good luck!!!

redvelvet

Bisoux,

You need to understand that people will ALWAYS complain no matter what. Everybody has their own opinion and you can't please everyone.....and you shouldn't bother trying, honey.

You think people are complaining because you are 21. I know girls who have completed their masters.....and are still single........and people are complaining that they are tooo old and should have gotten married at 21-22 See what i mean? People will ALWAYS complain because they have NOTHING better to do.

Most people graduate college at the age of 21-22. And since you are already 21, that probably means that you don't have much of your college coursework left. Serisously, how much more do you have left? One semester? Two semesters? That's not bad at all. Now, if you're planning to become a doctor, of course then it will take longer.

I have friends who completed their education and graduation AFTER getting married. I even have friends that are continuing their education EVEN AFTER having a baby. There is NO age limit on when you can go back to school. If you live her in the US, then everyone knows that you go back to college and graduate whenever you want to.

I will be honest with you, that completing education after marriage is a little bit more challenging.....because you are juggling the responsibilities with marriages while also attending classes and studying for exams. So, yes it is tougher. BUT, its not impossible. If you put your mind to it.....you can accomplish anything!

I know a girl who got married at 16 and had two kids before she finally completed a degree in computer science. Now she's 24-25 years old with a degree and three kids. That's not bad at all. I do know that it was not easy for her, but she was determined to complete her education. And its amazing that she could be a wife, a mom, and a student at the same time.

^It seems like you value your education. I get the vibe that you are interested in completing it. And you will!

Why are you letting some dumb aunties and uncles get under your skin? Why do you care what they say about you? Are THEY gonna pay for your tuition bills? Are they gonna pay for your college books? Are THEY gonna help you study? If they're not gonna help or contribute to your education and dreams/goals........why give a crappola about them?

It is so tough to find a good rishta these days. I know many parents prefer to get their daughters married early because of this very problem. Honey, for all you know, these aunties and uncles might be jealous that you have found a good match whereas they still have to search for their daughters.

Talk to your fiance about your plans after marriage. Tell him that you would like to complete the remainder of your education and graduate because having a degree will allow you go get a job and you never know when a job might be necessary in the future......especially with the sad economy that we have now. I'm sure your fiance will support you after marriage. And you both can decide to to even delay your plans of having a family......until you finish your education.

It can be done. Don't worry. Don't let negative/jealous people bring you down. As for the Auntie who so cruelly said, "Let's see what she does." What a loser! Her comment implies that she is actually going to wait and see how you handle your marriage. OMG.....why is it even her DUTY to "wait and see?" She's NOT your mom, that she should have to "wait and see" anything in regards to you. Doesn't she have better things to do with her time? She should be "waiting and seeing" about her OWN children. Clearly a case of jealousy and not having a busy enough life. Your parents and you should do yourselves a favor and limit your contact with toxic "friends" whose OWN lives are soooo boring that they have to "wait and see" what others are doing.

Hold your head up high with pride. Thank Allah for giving you a good marriage partner. Thank Allah for giving you such supportive parents. And pray to Him to fulfill all your dreams and goals after marraige! You go and get married with pride and an easy heart, you're doing nothing wrong, and face those aunties and uncles with polite and dignified confidence. Don't let them dictate how your life will turn out. Grab your life and run with it!

iShaz

No you are wrong, and she is absolutley right, afterall it's her and her family decision, no one should just pop in and say why u doing this? why u doing that?

I mean if the family is happy, than i dont think anyone else should have any problems with it.....

redvelvet

I agree with Shaz. People have their own opinions of what is the best age to get married. An opinion is neither right nor wrong. An opinion is neither true nor false. It's just that....an opinion. I know some parents who start searching rishtas for their girls when they hit 18 and I have seen other parents who prefer to wait until their kids have graduated college. Everyone is different. Society and people will ALWAYS have their own views. BUT you need to do what is right for you as an individual and what is right for your family.

A wedding involves a lot of planning, time, energy, and effort. It's supposed to be a happy occasion where you invite your friends and family to share in your joy and celebration. And when parents want to share their happiness with others and invite them to their daughter's wedding........only to hear the aunti/uncle stupidly remark, "Why are you getting your kid married? She's just gonna hurt her education." I feel it is neither the time, nor the place, nor the occasion to make such a remark.....because the decision to get married has ALREADY been made.......so keep the comments to yourself.

Such comments/suggestions can be made if the parents are at a stage where they're undecided if they should get their daughter engaged or if they should pursue a rishta. But after the engagement is done......and after the decision to have a wedding has been made.......and after the paretns are sooo happy about it and plan to invite you..........these type of comments made my aunties and uncles are not helpful at all.
They should have said it way before if they are that concerned.

And they need to consider that the paretns of the bride know what they're doing and they must have taken into consideration various factors before deciding on a wedding. And who knows? The bride might have plans to complete and finish education after marriage. Such comments would sound more sincere if they were made at the right time. And when they're not, they just reek of jealousy and a busy body nature.

sumorani

The best revenge is to be happy. After marriage stay in schhol and finish getting your degree, prove them wrong. I got married last summer, the day after I turned 23 with one semester left with my MBA. After getting married I had no additional responsibilities and it was still very easy to finish it. I just completed it two months ago and now study for the CPA exam and am encouraged and supprted by my Inlaws. Even a friend of mine in karachi was doing her bba, got married, got pregnant, had the baby and had a whole year left and still managed to finish it.

Do what makes you happy. Don't be disheartened by what others say.

prototype

just ignore whatever they say.

Bonbonniere

You be happy for yourself and stop allowing these people to dictate your life.

I tend to think: Unless you start paying my bills, you dont have a say in what I do with my life.

redvelvet

^ Agree with Bonbonnierre. If those aunties and uncles ain't gonna pay for the wedding, or your education/tuition.........then it's not their concern what you do with your life........and you don't need to worry about them. You're happy, you're fiance is happy, your family is happy. Let them go, enjoy your wedding, look forward to it and this new exciting phase of your life.

Iggle

Those people who can't share in other people's happiness are just bitter about themselves. Some people can't join in other people's happiness and have this inner-urge to say spiteful things to others just for the sake of it! Lol.

Ignore them and be happy b/c you have yet to meet more bitter people. Hehe! Just find a way to always keep yourself happy and stress-free. I do it so it is possible! Lol.

Are you going to Pakistan to get married btw?

diamond321

People are saying that way because they think that your parents have made a wrong decision to get you married so early instead of letting u complete your education. They are not blaming you ! I have finished my education , worked for 3 years now I am getting married Insha Allah ! and people always used to tell my mom and dad " larki ko parha likha kay kiya karna hai " , " parhnay likhanay main to umar barh jayi gi phir acha rishta nahi milay ga " and blah blah all the bakwas that you may even not think of . People will talk no matter what ! The fact of the matter is that there is GOD to take care all of this and it is His decision always ...if it is happening now for u it is meant to happen and if i am getting married after 25 it was meant to happen that way ....seriously we forget our CREATOR when we talk abt such ill stuff. He does what is best for u and it must be best for u to get married now otherwise GOD would not have let it happen. Just dont bother and enjoy your wedding. Good Luck

WitchDr

I agree with initiator.

aahmed

bisoux, listen, you sound like a smart girl, not the typical idiot teenager who thinks she's in love. You HAVE to stop caring what people think, you have to live your life for yourself and learn to be happy. Your parents' 'friends' aren't really their friends. This is typical desi chichorapan, people just can't be happy for others.

As far as education, if people think you won't finish your education after you get married, that's rubbish, people who say that are the people who are failures and they themselves failed to achieve their goals after they got married. I got married to my wife right after she finished her BS, but after we got married, she also went to medical school for four years, and she is just finishing up her residency, all education. We didn't have a child until eight years after our marriage. We knew how to plan our future.

So don't let people discourage you, they can go jump in a lake.

Straight_up

Lady, personal life decisions like education, marriage, etc. etc. are your business only.

SheeN

welcome to the real world