Chicken Biryani

yeah , my post seems to have struck several nerves it seems ! specially Sara's who never beats it to say severe words !lady , get a grip of your attitude !

Fayax, by no means I am going against the prophet PBUH or his sahaba .. Infact from the incident that you quoted , it reiterates my point that its all about forgiveness, sacrifice and acceptance of the spouse that helps to avoid divorce . The prophet set an example for us that he gave a divorce to hazrat hafsa for what ever the reason but Allah mian asked him to look at the greater good of the lady and take her back .... thats exactly what my point is , that a divorce should be avoided unless a huge reason comes up and its inevitable to divorce !

why do we have divorces so common these days ? what were our previous generations doing so different that it wasnt that common ,given that most had arranged marriages whilst today's generations are much at liberty to choose partners of their choice ?

The fact is that we do not possess enough patience to deal with difficult situations , we let our ego to ride us, we do not compromise enough to save the relationship... for us small matters turn into big ones and the easy route out is to raise a cry and hue about it and seek divorce. RV you have quoted several cases na , now i will quote a few cases : I know someone who saught a divorce coz husband and inlaws asked her to let go of her job and concentrate on family , the fighting went on for 8 months and finally she asked for khula and went off !

Another someone I know he divorced his wife coz he thought they argued on everything all the time and that it wasnt possible for either to go back on their opinions about everything !

Yes , you are all absolutely right that there are some cases where individuals are innocent and suffer for nothing of their own doing ... and I totally support them in upholding a respectable place in our society even after they are divorced ... they are exceptions ... and they are few ...

however there are those who are just too shallow to realize a relationship... and unfortunately there are majority of thse individuals around and they should be taught a lesson for screwing up someones life ...

A divorce in general is a concept that should be shunned so individuals will be pushed to try and find a solution within the framework of a relationship , but eventually if nothing works out then knowing that Allah's most hated is a divorce the individual takes that path still asking Allah for his forgiveness for the deed.

I believe in immense compromise, zero ego, alot of acceptance , positive attitude and always ready to change one's attitude , in a marriage ... I have employed all these in my personal relationship with my partner and after a very very very difficult phase Alhamdullillah we both finally got on the same page .. its very hard to keep up relationships , very easy to get out of them and blame the other .

Sara516

Darling--i have alot more words to say for your kind of thinking--but i'll save them.

I'm not alone in saying this, I do think you are being extremely shallow and judgmental....not to mention naive.

And since you clearly didn't get it the first time I said it:

1. Unless you are one of the members of the relationship, you do not have the authority to decide what's a "good" reason for someone to divorce.

2. You are not married and therefore not divorced, so please think twice before you go casting your stone on those who have been through something that no one should ever go through.

End of.

PSquared

I dont think majority of divorces happen because of overblown fights...I think majority are legitimate where one person could not stand to be in a physically/mentally/verbally abusive relationship and sought out of it.

mistral

Not exactly true. Depends on the culture and time period. In many Islamic cultures and eras, divorce wasn't uncommon at all.

Now I'll grant you in desi culture, if you're speaking of the generation of our parents and grandparents, then yes. Divorce wasn't so common. I'll even grant you that many of them were patient, "stuck it out" when things got tough, and were quite happy in their marriages. But not all of them. Many were forced to marry people they disliked, were beaten, mentally abused, not looked after properly by their spouses, abandoned, etc. but they still didn't get divorced. I'm sure they wanted to, but at that time, divorce was such a stigma that they wouldn't dare even say the word, much less initiate action to go through with it. For women, not only would they carry a massive stain on their reps and probably never marry again if they divorced, but they would have no means to support themselves or their children. In most cases, the woman's family would make it clear that they'd have nothing to do with her if she obtained a divorce so she couldn't even go to them for help if she tried to go through with it. Since education wasn't as emphasized in most families back then (as it is now), the woman would find herself up the proverbial creek without even a freaking life vest.

That's a very prominent reason why divorce wasn't "common" in previous generations. They weren't doing anything different. They had the same resentments and desire to get out of the marriages that people do today...they just couldn't do anything about it.

Chicken Biryani

You are being pushy arent you ?

so thinking YOUR way , can i say with full liberty that :

1- we are not discussing reasons for divorce here ! incase you failed to realize

2- you are not divorced , hence not experienced the after affects ... therefore you should also keep your mind open about understanding that YOUR opinion is not all that matters !and that others are around as well who can opine you know !

3- please add value to this discussion instead of dotting on someone's opinion.. i said mine you can say yours .. just have a healthy discussion instead of trying to provoke an argument

cheers ....

Aishaaa2.1

No there are not a few, there are a lot. And who are YOU to decide whether its acceptable or not? I don't get it.

And I dunno if you realize this, but you're looking down upon those who have been through a divorce for whatever reason. But if that's how you truly feel...what.ever.

Chicken Biryani

Yes I agree that some mentally ill people resort to violence in this relationship and I totally totally suppport divorce in such cases ..

Please do not confuse my stance against divorce with genuine cases of divorce, I have clarified it that when there is a genuine reason , eg , violence , then yes even I will stand fully in support of a divorce .

Chicken Biryani

Ummm I am not fighting a bunch of divorcees here or am I

I am discussing my perspective, you can do us some good and respond with your opinion. we are all entitled to one .

And please care to quote where a judgement has been passed?

Emotions , Aisha , should not lead you , you should lead them

Sara516

I gave you my opinion on what you said, and you responded in kindly with,

Who is provoking whom here?

1. You keep bringing up what's a good reason and what's not a good reason to divorce. When you talk about divorce, naturally "reasons" will follow.

2. you are not married, hence you've not experienced what a low point in a marriage is that leads to a divorce.

I am not alone in my opinion, many have said that they disagree with you, even giving religious based knowledge.

Sara516

Wow--that's just low , even for you.
You know, I thought you were better than to get so personal and nasty---
I am sorry you feel this way about divorcees but I am even sorrier that you have such a narrow outlook on people and life. You are truly no better than the person who says "harsh" words; your "jokes" and smilies dont' make up for your lack of kindness and extremely backwards mentality.

PS: don't bother responding---your posts aren't worth my time.

Cheers.

mistral

I really shouldn't be posting so much today seeing the mountain of work on my desk, but this is far too interesting to pass up.

Beg pardon? What about this? I quoted the same thing before, and I'm doing it again:

Unless I've completely misunderstood, those are judgments. And that (along with other posts) is why people are responding with emotion. Because what's been said seems quite harsh.

Again, I don't think anybody disagrees that divorce should be the last option, but blanket generalizations such as "they should be denounced," generations before had more patience than the current generation, getting divorced for any other reason but abuse isn't "valid," are inaccurate and will naturally prompt a lot of disagreement.

Chicken Biryani

yeah throwing crap on others is always very easy Sara.. but taking it in return is tough.
go read your own post and check the kind of things you have just said ..

I feel sorry for individuals like you .... I guess the best strategy is to ignore you!

Chicken Biryani

Interesting ...


If you think they were judgements , then i believe its pretty naive of you to think that way, come and give your opinion.. like the others have ... we are having a discussion , I mentioned my observations and shared my opinion. you can share yours with pleasure

disagreement is part of a discussion. and I am sure we are all educated enough to stay away from pointing fingers ... and have varied view points ...

Tolerance is key !

TLK

Chicken Biryani, apnay ooper chilled raa'itaa dalo, itna ghusaa achcha nahi hota

Chicken Biryani

yeah **putting some raita one me **

I mean, I cant believe the intolerance some individuals have !

mistral

I have given my opinion. Just check out my previous posts. I just happen to disagree with some of yours and I think I managed to do it pretty respectfully.

Chicken Biryani

yes minstral I am sure you have ... its absolutely fine that you disagree , as I said its part of a discussion , some will agree some wont ... I think I got caught in the heat of the moment ... but lets carry on with the discussion ... its always good to see varied opinions on an issue ...

Aishaaa2.1

"A person who lost it once can lose it again"

That's not judgemental at all, no

Also, one doesn't have to be divorced to see how irrational, intolerant and bitter you sound

sahar2008

I know someone who married a friend of mine with the intentions of divorcing her after getting his US citizenship. My friend tried everything thing in her power to make things work out between them and after 7 year of marriage he divorced her exactly week after getting his US passport. I am sorry but this world is a cruel place and we should always make dua that allah protect us from bad people and does not test us beyond what we can handle.

skhan

um as a guy id be more worried about ignorance, unstable emotional conditions and a closed mind

there's plenty of that on show in this thread

yea u know who you are