McPendo

By being themselves!

Straight_up

So there is a woman with a pleasant personality who just happens to be short and fat - and all of a sudden we're discussing how to fix her? So that some stupid fool of a man can finally realise her pleasant personality and marry her?

Yea_boi, if you really want to help out your friend then you make sure you don't bring out his sister's physical features to him or even pass remote hints of it and/or make it seem like there is something wrong with his sister that needs fixing!

Oh and next time when you boldy point out someone's physical attributes as ugly, why don't you just create a better looking face yourself?

Yea_Boii

^ Don't know what world you live in, but looks are important for girls. So I see no harm in her improving herself by shedding some weight.

queer

there are a zillion short fat guys out there.

besides looks, what else does the lady have to offer up as a partner? is she educated? does she work? is she motivated? is she fun?

unless she is a zero on all fronts, she should be able to find someone compatible. most people aren't particularly good-looking anyway (present company excluded.)

boy am i rapidly metamorphosing into a rishta aunty. no more life1 for a week.

Gaia

>>>goes to Boii

geek

Be a good friend and marry her duh.

Straight_up

Yeah, it's nice to be attractive but it's even nicer to have a better self-image.

Yea_Boii

i agree and a better self image will be gained once the weights off.

Straight_up

That's for her to decide.

mistral

This is a tough one. I agree with Straight_up that that inner confidence is more important than an emphasis on looks. However, the reality of the situation is that even though most Aunties won't say it out loud (though a lot will), they want a super model for their sons and won't even entertain the idea of speaking to a smart, well spoken, accomplished girl if she doesn't fit their unfair physical criteria. So even if the son isn't as superficial as mum, the girl doesn't stand a chance because the Aunties usually "vet" the girls before their sons even learn their names.

So it's necessary to strike a balance somehow. Does she perhaps have a very good girlfriend or a trusted family member who could drop a few gentle hints? Maybe you could make that suggestion if your friend does ask you for your advice?

Man I feel so superficial even suggesting this stuff. I completely agree with Straight_up...this really shouldn't matter. But it does to a lot of people and then a lot of awesome girls and guys aren't given a chance simply because their clothes or their skin color isn't right in the eyes of society.

candy_apple

Well why can't the unattractive guys marry the unattractive girls? or do they also want a supermodel?

mistral

^I think a big part of the problem is perceptions. In desi society, though it's slowly changing, there's a very limited idea of what beauty is. Beauty can only be fair and slender and that's why a lot of people get passed over as "unattractive" when it's rishta time.

Because the all-powerful aunty/mother of the boy who is so quick to pass judgment on a potential girl's physical flaws is not so quick to pass those same judgments on her son. And in our society, it's not seen as big of a drawback for guys as it is for girls. In the minds of most people, if he's educated and earns a good living, that is all any girl could possibly want.

Anyhow, the whole idea of unattractive/attractive as it pertains to rishtas is just messed up. I'm not sure if I have the reference correct, but I believe Islamically, the idea is if that someone marries for looks and/or wealth over goodness and religiousness, then that person's marriage won't be blessed (please someone correct me if I didn't get that right).

Getting off topic. It's good that you're concerned about your friend. And you should try to help him in the most gentle, tactful way that you know. Inshallah, she'll meet someone. She and her family have to keep trying until they find her prince charming.

zobia

app kion nahi ker laitay?

Aishaaa2.1

She's GOTTA be attractive to somebody. She'll find somebody iA.

redvelvet

[QUOTE=mistral;6628131]^I think a big part of the problem is perceptions. In desi society, though it's slowly changing, there's a very limited idea of what beauty is. Beauty can only be fair and slender and that's why a lot of people get passed over as "unattractive" when it's rishta time.
Because the all-powerful aunty/mother of the boy who is so quick to pass judgment on a potential girl's physical flaws is not so quick to pass those same judgments on her son.


^ The all-powerful aunty is sometimes not so quick to pass those same judgments on her own daughters either. Older women play a role in perpetuating these deep-rooted perceptions which can become problematic for young girls. Women being each others' enemies.

Although while personality is also important, physical attraction also plays a role in a relationship. Even if the world doesn't find your significant other attractive, it's important that you find him/her attractive. InshaAllah she'll find someone amazing.

mistral

I agree RV (hey look! I rhymed!)

You have to find the person attractive. I just meant that the whole attractive/unattractive thing was messed up in the sense that a) almost all the emphasis is placed on the looks aspect and b) people refuse to budge on their definitions of beauty.

sweet.i.f

looks aren't everything!

Iggle

Great advise! Hehe!

sadzzz

what a fazool thread... honestly. Go jump in a lake mate

attractiveness has nothing to do with what ur talking about and everything to do with how someone presents themselves

u may have a very khoobsoorat face on ya but ur personality reaks of stupidity

sorry, but this thread really bothers me

sadzzz

and weight has NOTHING to do with attractiveness or not..

I have seen SOOOO many beautiful girls who are on the heavier side. So many Mashallah.. i can prob name more heavier women then thin ones