Divorce - Page 2

funguy · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Decent 6Chora

waqat sub sai bara marham hai.....

thank you Uncle.

zobia · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:08 PM

why did he divorced her?

Decent 6Chora · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by funguy

thank you Uncle.

koi baat nahee beta

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:21 PM

It was the other way around. She got a khula.

funguy · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aisha Dubaiwali

It was the other way around. She got a khula.

Yay kambakht desi dukaandaar kisi ko nahee choRRtay. Bechaari khula lainay gaee aur tallaaq laiker aagaaee.

Niksik · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:43 PM

Again

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:54 PM

again? :|

Niksik · Oct 13th, 2009, 03:55 PM

lol Aisha, that is a funguy patented line

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 13th, 2009, 04:20 PM

Oh ok lol

MIAinVA · Oct 13th, 2009, 04:33 PM

Like other posters have said, she should keep herself busy with something... a new job or even go for higher education. Above all she needs to stay away from those people who will keep asking "kiya hua, kaisay hua" under the garb of sympathy...... that usually makes the person more depressed.

zobia · Oct 13th, 2009, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aisha Dubaiwali

It was the other way around. She got a khula.

hm..why did she ask for one if she really loved the guy?

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 14th, 2009, 08:56 AM

Guy cheated on her.

mustanamalik · Oct 24th, 2009, 09:39 AM

Yes Aisha, it's firm 4 years.

redvelvet · Oct 24th, 2009, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aisha Dubaiwali

Lets say a good close friend of yours got divorced and they are very depressed and crying etc and thinking negatively how would you try to help them out? This person's friends are telling them it is OK etc but they are taking it to the heart and being very self destructive. On top of that the divorced individual feels extra sad because they are highly young and really loved the person.

What else can you do besides talk to the person and encourage them? Do you see this individual regularly? And first of all.........WHY.......is the person feeling down?

I know this may sound like a stupid question. But is the person feeling down because he/she realizes the role they may have played in the marriage ending in divorce and wishes they could turn time back and fix things? OR.........is the person feeling down because of the way desi society treats divorced individuals.

Every situation is different. Was the individual married to an abusive jerk? If so.......then help him/her see the positive consequences of the separation. Life is too short to put up with such toxic people no matter how much you think you might "love" them.

I would say..........ask your friend exactly why he/she is feeling depressed. Let him/her give their reasons and talk about how they feel. And then take it from there. Tell your friend that "positive" aspects about a separation even if they can't just see it yet. There is a silver lining to every gray cloud. Redirect her toward finding peace in prayer and turning to Allah for guidance and help.

AND THEN.................tell your friend that talking about the former spouse every time he/she meets up with friends might delay the process of moving on. Sometimes.........talking about your feeling is good. And other times.......reliving the past all the time........does nothing but scratch away the healing scab of an old wound.......and cause it to bleed all over again. I know this is easier said than done................but excessive reliving the past in your mind and discussions........can backfire as opposed to being therapeutic.

So you should involve the friend in positive activities.........and NO......I don't think watching romance movies would be among them. That just brings back memories for the person. Instead go shopping with your friend...........join a class (it could be dance class, cooking class, art, yoga, etc). Go jogging with your friend or to the gym. Physical exercise raises the endorphin levels and uplifts the mood. Pursue a class.......hobby.........go back to school........get involved in noble causes, etc.

When your mind is busy, shaitan has little opportunity to wreak havoc with it. Plus, if the friend pursues an activity (such as taking a class)....with the intention of moving on and developing him/herself...........then inshaAllah they might meet somebody totally amazing and get married again.

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 30th, 2009, 10:18 AM

Thanks RV for the detailed reply

She is feeling a bit better.

T.R.A.N.C.E.S.O.N.I.C CHUNK · Nov 1st, 2009, 03:46 AM

IN today's world women are treated equal to men...
They have equal rights.
i would prefer she can leave the person and can start a new life. If she holds a good degree...she can get a good job ........

Aisha Dubaiwali · Nov 1st, 2009, 04:57 AM

Yeh you are right

diwana · Nov 1st, 2009, 09:16 PM

I don't know if four years is fixed. But it depends how long the marriage lasted.

For one and half years marriage, this seems very long time to get over.

Just curious, did she think she could forgive? Not that he would not have done it again.

Aisha Dubaiwali · Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:55 AM

Diwana it is not just about his infidelity, she has been through a lot and as a last straw she got a khula that also after dragging it from months and trying to prevent it.

diwana · Nov 4th, 2009, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aisha Dubaiwali

Diwana it is not just about his infidelity, she has been through a lot and as a last straw she got a khula that also after dragging it from months and trying to prevent it.

Got it. Once she find someone, she'll get over it. :-)