Divorce

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:00 PM

Lets say a good close friend of yours got divorced and they are very depressed and crying etc and thinking negatively how would you try to help them out? This person's friends are telling them it is OK etc but they are taking it to the heart and being very self destructive. On top of that the divorced individual feels extra sad because they are highly young and really loved the person.

waterfall99 · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:03 PM

Oh,that would be a really sad situation for the couple

funguy · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:06 PM

Divorce is not the end of the world. It happens and people normally snap out of the depression fast.

BTW, if you are not willing to disclose the gender of the divorcee, how do you think we can offer any useful advice?

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:10 PM

Oh sorry I don't know why I wrote the first post in that way, the divorcee is a girl.

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waterfall99

Oh,that would be a really sad situation for the couple

Yes indeed.

zena_uk · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:13 PM

Does she have any children?

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:15 PM

No she does not have children, the marriage also only lasted only like one and a half years.

zena_uk · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:21 PM

Can she go and stay with family/friends abroad, maybe if she takes herself out of the situation she may find it easier to heal.

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:22 PM

She told me she wants to but her family is not being supportive. I also told her to go somewhere and live alone for awhile away from all this and have a change of environment. Her dad is highly against it and is being a pain.

zena_uk · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:29 PM

Oh dear this does not look good for her, her parents are going to start treating her like a child that has never been married. She needs to stand up now or accept that they will control every aspect of her life untill she gets remarried.

Aisha Dubaiwali · Oct 12th, 2009, 12:40 PM

Her mummy told her that now that you are divorced you are our responsibility again and that means you will have to do whatever we think is right for you.

Monk · Oct 12th, 2009, 01:17 PM

open 2 more thread with the same title and you are done.

zena_uk · Oct 12th, 2009, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aisha Dubaiwali

Her mummy told her that now that you are divorced you are our responsibility again and that means you will have to do whatever we think is right for you.

well she can try to reason with them, but I doubt it will work. If she does try, she should focus on forcing them to acknowledge that she is a women now, not a child, she was this guys wife, she understands what is necessary physically and emotionally to be a grown women. If they don't listen she will have to accept her fate or move away if she has the money.

happyheart · Oct 12th, 2009, 01:21 PM

Well then either one of them did listen to someone else and not their own hearts and minds.
And i believe eventhough the external factors are to be blamed for this unfortunat situation yet as married couple you are responsible for your own acts and should think 100 times before you divorce someone, its not a childsplay.

mistral · Oct 12th, 2009, 01:29 PM

If a friend of mine were in this situation, I would tell her that the most important thing she can do is keep up with salaat and make lots of dua for Allah to grant her patience, peace and happiness.

After that, the most important thing is keeping busy - both professionally and personally. As for the professional bit, if she has a job, then she needs to really throw herself into it. Perhaps ask for an extra responsibility or two or look for any new openings within the company that will give her a new position and new things to do. Or she may consider another company/organization entirely to completely start over. Or she could go to school (if she isn't already) and really just concentrate on her studies.

In terms of a personal life...make sure she keeps up with her friends. Phone calls, visits, meeting up for coffee or a meal. Perhaps she could join a group/club that shares a common interest. Volunteer work is a good idea as well.

This way, even if her parents aren't letting her get away, at least she's out of the house for a good part of the day...and that's very important 'cause if she's out of the house, she won't be around people who aren't supporting her and she'll be too busy to brood over the divorce. And perhaps, by keeping busy and accomplishing things at work or school or through volunteer work, this may show her parents that she's not a child who is incapable of taking care of her own life.

Hope this helps.

funguy · Oct 12th, 2009, 02:21 PM

Depending on her age and interests, she can go back to school, get a degree, become very successful and don't let another man dictate her life.

mustanamalik · Oct 13th, 2009, 04:09 AM

The full recovery cycle is 4 years from the date of divorce. I mean the time when you get back in normal life.

Please don't ask how and why.... its all about experiences.