WHY do people fall in love after a forced arranged marriage? - Page 3

redvelvet · Oct 25th, 2009, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deeba1234

Those who are advocating just 'accepting fate', I love how it only tends to apply to women in marriage, often these are the same ppl who turn around and say 'if my wife ever raised her voice to my mother I would divorce her instantly' lol or if the wife turns turns out not to be a virgin they'd be rid of her quick as a flash. Nothing about 'accepting fate' then..

That is sooooooooo true, LOL!!!!!!!!!! I never even thought about that. OH the double standards...even when it comes to kismat!

Khumar · Oct 26th, 2009, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hitchki

I worry for our youth.

i worry about our elderly the most .

Deeba1234 · Oct 27th, 2009, 03:26 PM

I was going to start a new thread but will post here instead.

To anyone who knows a person who might be going thru a forced marriage or has already had a forced marriage pls check these links out:

http://www.fco.gov.uk/resources/en/p...ivors-handbook

Information for forced marriage victims

I understand some ppl might want to stay in the marriage and try and make a go of it for their family's sake or maybe just for themselves but for those who want to get out but don't know how/what to do those links will really help..

exotic · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by warrior101

I would find it more surprising that two people get married and not love each other after max 1 year... i mean how can you live with someone and sleep on the same bed every night and not like each other...

Believe me it can happen

western girl · Oct 31st, 2009, 10:49 AM

I don't understand what is weird in it.. People just tend to be in love, and if their husband or wife cannot evoke their love, they will love someone else..it is just completelly normal, I would assume.

blackforest_360 · Oct 31st, 2009, 10:56 AM

if you're in it, might as well try to make it work.

western girl · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:03 AM

Of course "being independent" and make your own choice is not so simple even in the western culture, as raising kids alone very difficult financially, also, who wants to raise in a kid in a broken family.
Lot of women endure each kind of abuse even in the west because of these reasons.

So I dont mean, go away is so easy, and natural, but fall in love... it is just normal, kind of unavoidable, if the bad marriage havent killed too much things in you.

RupayHalwa · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by western girl

I don't understand what is weird in it.. People just tend to be in love, and if their husband or wife cannot evoke their love, they will love someone else..it is just completelly normal, I would assume.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackforest_360

if you're in it, might as well try to make it work.

Yes BUT... In a forced marriage there is resistance from one or both parties, they obviously find something UNDESIRABLE about the other person that makes them NOT want to marry them, so it's NOT like a situation where u have NO OBJECTIONS against the other individual bcos u don't mind them. Where there is reluctance, I wouldn't expect someone to easily fall in love, but I do know it happens, but I don't know why.

blackforest_360 · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:25 AM

i suppose they become more open about the relationship
and have the desire to "want to" like each other.

redvelvet · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RupayHalwa

Yes BUT... In a forced marriage there is resistance from one or both parties, they obviously find something UNDESIRABLE about the other person that makes them NOT want to marry them, so it's NOT like a situation where u have NO OBJECTIONS against the other individual bcos u don't mind them. Where there is reluctance, I wouldn't expect someone to easily fall in love, but I do know it happens, but I don't know why.

Hmm, i guess it's kind of like going to a new school you have no desire for. You hate the school from the very beginning........you miss your old friends.......your old life.............your former idea of a perfect school. But you realize you have little choice but to adjust and it's going to be tough to conquer your negative feelings. So, you start to settle in. You make new friends.......perhaps better than your former ones. And who knows? Eventually you might prefer this place to your previous life.

^It sounds ideal, but in real life.......where there are so many variables.........not every situation has a happy ending. There are ALSO stories where the person tries to "settle" in the marriage.................gives it their best effort.........and things remain just as incompatible as they did in the beginning.

But yeah.........it makes sense..............it's tougher (or might require more effort/time) to fall for someone you were initially not crazy about.

western girl · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:31 AM

Aha, I misunderstood. I assumed all of this about how people can fall in love with SOMEONE ELSE after arranged marriage.

So you see lot of things can happen.. Maybe the marriage was not appealing, not because of the other person, but someone was not actually in a marrying mood.

Or you have discovered later new sides of your spouse which made him or her appealing.

RupayHalwa · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redvelvet

Hmm, i guess it's kind of like going to a new school you have no desire for. You hate the school from the very beginning........you miss your old friends.......your old life.............your former idea of a perfect school. But you realize you have little choice but to adjust and it's going to be tough to conquer your negative feelings. So, you start to settle in. You make new friends.......perhaps better than your former ones. And who knows? Eventually you might prefer this place to your previous life.

^It sounds ideal, but in real life.......where there are so many variables.........not every situation has a happy ending. There are ALSO stories where the person tries to "settle" in the marriage.................gives it their best effort.........and things remain just as incompatible as they did in the beginning.

But yeah.........it makes sense..............it's tougher (or might require more effort/time) to fall for someone you were initially not crazy about.

I've known of the ideal outcome occur for 2 couples, but for those 2 i have know of many more that have turned out not so charming. It is a sorry situation.

I don't think people even need to be in love before marrying someone, but IT SURE WOULD HELP if they DIDN'T DISLIKE EACHOTHER!

redvelvet · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RupayHalwa

I've known of the ideal outcome occur for 2 couples, but for those 2 i have know of many more that have turned out not so charming. It is a sorry situation.

I don't think people even need to be in love before marrying someone, but IT SURE WOULD HELP if they DIDN'T DISLIKE EACHOTHER!

Agree.

It's easier for more neutral feelings to develop into "love".

The stronger the negative feelings...........the harder you'd have to work to overcome them........and give the other person a chance and even yourself to adjust.

western girl · Oct 31st, 2009, 11:39 AM

As for my own experience if I were closed in together with a guy, and no chance to look around for a better one, I would definitelly love him, sooner or later, because to be in love is good.
(Except if I realize he is stupid and start to bore him. I dont know with whom I were in love in this case).