Pregnant.. my MIL said the nastiest and hurtful thing !! Dunno how 2 take out anger!! - Page 2

Jaanwar · Oct 25th, 2009, 07:50 AM

Woman you are being overly drammatic and blowing it out of proportion. Jealousy is not a healthy thing, get over it and be thankful.

hareem01 · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:04 AM

Sky is falling......................

mall · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:07 AM

tayyebeh its not abt being jealous. my MIL is outright blunt and subtly has shown many times how mch she favours her. like she said on my face that i m FIL's choice and the girl is her choice (although i m related to my MIL and not my FIL, I m frm the same khandaan).. and when i said nahi aisi bat bhi nahi mein apki bhi pasand hon she kept quiet. i can give many examples but wots the use, itll waste ur and my time.
ofcourse when a person is a bahu for so many yrs someone comes up and steals the limelight it can be a bit of a tricky situation.. but its upto the MIL to treat both equally rite??? at the time when she compared me by sayin the new bahu ke kadam were nice, i DID NOT think she is puttin me down and i m longer in family and blah blah. all i thot that moment was, this is OUR gud news and she is spoilin it by sayin the new bahu's kadam were auspicious and all. this was OUR moment and there was no need for her to bring the new gal in picture rite? its like u r givin her the credit for our new found happiness. that is what u guys dun seem to understand.

mall · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:08 AM

i just explained above IT IS NOT ABT JEALOUSY guys... i like the girl i have no prb with her honestly we both are alike in many ways.. its the ppl who cause prbs by comparin us two like this. wot dus jealousy have to do with my news. its our moment of happiness rite, not hers.

SmoovOperator · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:14 AM

Mall I don't think these individuals will understand your situation without being in one themselves, and god forbid this situation on anyone cos if they can't understand how your feeling, they won't know what's hit them should this scenario come there way! People should understand these problems do exist, there no fabricated.. MIL's do get digs in when possible.. But do your best to avoid taking it to heart.

mall · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:18 AM

ure a guy rite smoov? and so sensitive. ur woman is lucky alrite MA

i hope no one ever gets in this situation. over here ppl dun seem to understnad what i m tryin to say and am feelin. they are addin even further negative things into this by sayin i m jealous and all. is it call jealousy if u dun want other bahu to be given credit when ure preg? its just logical, she has nothin to do with this and that my MIL was indeed silly to even compare and cause fire between me and hubs.

RupayHalwa · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falafel

Mall ....Before reading the thread content, i really thought some ugly story in my mind(because that was what your title suggested)...

See what your MIL said was wrong...no doubt about it but you do not have to kill her for that...try to understand that if a person is making such comment then you being an educated person should realize his/her understanding(samaj ka) level and react according to that. Allah Ta'ala has blessed you with this naimat, be thankful to him rather than thinking negative about your mother in law.

Personally, if my MIL had said something like that to me then i would have just ignored the comment because a person with a very limited understanding can say such thing so there is no need to absorb so much negativitiy in this period. Try to relax and pray for yourself n your child.

100% Agree!

Mall, congratulations and wish you a healthy and successful pregnancy inshallah. I totally agree with falafel, if ppl make these comments it is down to their environment and understanding of things, if they had a lack of knowledge and believe things to be like that, they will say things like that.

These kind of views may only b changed through education, u know how abundant old wives tales r in pakistan, this is why they believe rubbish.

Ignore this and DO NOT DWELL ON IT, focus on yourself and your happiness.

Iyla · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:38 AM

ignore what your MIL said. dont let such things get to you.

enjoy life and be happy. you have too many good things to look forward to now that baby is coming.

SmoovOperator · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:41 AM

Mall unlike most the people on this thread who are judgmental and most probably not even married, I have the experience. I been married two years.. I live with my parents and Alhumdolillah the environment couldn't be better, especially with my daughter coming along.. BUT.. I can't say that my wife hasn't come to me upset about something my mother has said etc.. Its natural.. It happens.. MIL's have have expectations aswell as daughter in laws.. These need to be ironed out in the early stages so both parties can find a common ground. You'll be ok, I know it.. Just take my advice, your family is ur husband and your newborn to be, anything said by others should be taken with pinch of salt.

mama ki dua · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:43 AM

mall: I'm sorry but I feel you are over reacting. Maybe she didn't intend on hurting you? Maybe she genuienly thought it was the other bahu's auspicious kadam? Be happy. Maybe your MIL has been waiting to have a grandchild since ages and she didn't know what to say? Just ignore it and try not to let it to get to you.

llxxll · Oct 25th, 2009, 08:52 AM

i totally understand how ur feeling and i wud feel the same way...but still i feel like you're over-reacting too ab aapki MIL bechaari ki backward jaahil type thinking hai toh uska kya kiya jaiye aapko unn bechaari kamm samajh vaali ma ko mwaaf kar deina chahiye cuz she doesnt know wat kind of jaahil thing she is saying n m cent percent sure uss besamjh aurat ko yeh bhi nahin pata tha k this cud be hurtful

just out of curiosity how educated is ur MIL? cuz her mental level seems like unhone bechaari ne educational institution ki shakkal nahin dekhi...maybe she never had the opportunity to get some schooling to open up her mind,..consider yourself lucky that you did not have the same obstacles went to school and therefore developed a more forward type thinking and forgive her for her kamm-aqali

mujhe toh aapki MIL pe taras aa raha hai bechari ...kitni bakward soch rakhti hain bechari

aur sabse zyada tragic baad pata hai kya hai...? unn bechari ko yeh bhi nahin pata how jaahil she sounds by making such comments...so really its up to you to think bechari ki soch hi aisi...koi baat nahin mwaaf kar dete hain..its not her fault anyways it is the circumstances under which she was brought u0p that have formed her way of thinking...so just be the bigger person and forgive the budhu si MIL waise bhi budhuon ki baat ka burra nahin manaate m sure she didnt mean to be hurtful

Jaanwar · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:03 AM

^ bibi aap ki statements perh k mujhay aap pe tars aa raha hai

llxxll · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:05 AM

^^^^lol koi baat nahin shukar hai koi mujh bechaari pe bhi taras khaata hai

...I was trying to make her look at it another way

you ever heard of trying to put out the fire?

funguy · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:07 AM

mall, your MIL has an agenda it seems. She is trying to instill hatred and jealousy between you and the other bahu. Her plan is to divide and conquer, pitch you two against eachother and manipulate to try and get the best from both of you in some kind of a contest.

The best thing you can do is to IGNORE her comment because you know your blessing of a new child has NOTHING to do with the new bahu's qadam. She has not even stepped in your family officially yet.

Enjoy your preganancy as it is a special moment and your mental state will affect the unborn's journey to this world.

Congrats by the way.

Jaanwar · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:10 AM

Your sincere attempt at putting out the fire is commendable. But the way you talk about someone's mother is a very good indication of where you stand ethically and morally. I don't have anything againt desi rednecks though, so we're good

llxxll · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:15 AM

m not talking abt someones mother m talking abt someones mother in law....m sorry bhai but if she was just a mother i wudnt say such things but when a mother starts behaving like a MIL then where does she stand ethically and morally? you would not say such thing to me or the original poster if you had ever had to be a bahu to someone who decided to be an MIL instead of mother m not a desi redneck on the contrary ...try looking at it from another point of view MIL jo bhi karey theek hai because why? she is the mother of yoru husband...? i think not...that does not give her an excuse to behave this way with her bahu...i wouldnt tolerate it if my own mother behaved this way with my hubby....same as i wudnt tolerate if his behave this way with me... so yea fine you're ryte m a redneck but not towards mothers...only towards mothers who chose to behave like mothers in law

llxxll · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:16 AM

why is it the a wife is able to stand up in front of her parents for her hubby but hubby never has the backbone to do the same? and then you call me a redneck ur clearly a guy ...if you were a girl a bahu you would understand why i said what i said

funguy · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaanwar

Your sincere attempt at putting out the fire is commendable. But the way you talk about someone's mother is a very good indication of where you stand ethically and morally. I don't have anything againt desi rednecks though, so we're good

Getting "educated" is a lifelong process. It's not too late to educate a mother who has gone astray by believing in non-Islamic superstitions such as some good thing happened because of someone's stepping into the family? Such people whether be MIL or whatever need to be put in place. Don't get too emotional with rishtays. Be realistic and always try to improve yourself and others close to you.

llxxll · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:25 AM

^^agree ..will try to improve myself too

hitchki · Oct 25th, 2009, 09:31 AM

over reaction much?