Earning more than husband

samnawab · Oct 27th, 2009, 10:34 AM

I am wondering what you will do if you are in a situation that you are earning more than your husband.
My husband doesn't want to spend my money as he feels that it belongs just to me. So when we do shopping he is the one who always pays and he pays the bills, and also his family is demanding money from him, who are still in pakistan.
My in laws think that we have enough money to send them over to pakistan and they are making rumours that I am spending all their sons money and they also say that you both are earning so it's easy for you to send money to pakistan. Should I send my money over?
I find it quite difficult as my sil are not earning anything and my bil wife.

funguy · Oct 27th, 2009, 10:39 AM

Are you earning or saving MORE than your husband?

PyariCgudia · Oct 27th, 2009, 10:40 AM

Ignore them. You can volunteer to pitch in, but if your husband wants to do it on his own, let him. Just try to buy your own little luxuries with your money.

Decent 6Chora · Oct 27th, 2009, 10:53 AM

You should not ask the questions you know the answer off

MIAinVA · Oct 27th, 2009, 02:08 PM

If you genuinely want to pitch in.... never say the words "my money, your money, or my earnings, your earnings"... its supposed to be "our money, our earnings", "our credit cards", "our bills", "our home", "our family", etc.

Pay the bills yourself now and then without discussing it to death with him, pay when you go shopping and you buy stuff for him, etc.

A good (and subtle) way to contribute is by opening up a joint savings account and every month you just put a fixed amount in it (which he has access to) and say its "our savings"....... that will free him up to send some money home from his income, as he won't be worried about saving "x" amount of money for rainy days and it will ease the pressure on him.

snazzy · Oct 27th, 2009, 02:28 PM

Sorry but if your husband is refusing to use your money, your in laws have absolutely no place to ask you. I'm sure they believe that YOU are the one refusing to give your husband money, not the other way around. You might want your husband to tell them that it is islamically not your duty. If it's not a problem of living conditions, then i think you should ignore it. The more you give, the more people take for granted. Keep your MIL and FIL in the best of care, but you and your husband don't have to be their sole supporters, and you certainly should not be continuously supporting the married siblings of your husband.

PSquared · Oct 27th, 2009, 02:48 PM

Like PCG said...try to use your own money to buy your own little luxuries so he has more room to work with in his own salary. Try not to spend too much when you're with him and shop on your own when you're buying things like makeup, perfume, etc.

As for sending money, its upto you. It is your money and you can do as you wish with it. If you feel your inlaws are suffering and need your money, then I guess sending it is not a bad idea...your husband will love you more for it.

The rumors are to be ignored and given no weight...ignore ignore ignore. Do not acknowledge these comments when they're made to you, pretend like you didnt even hear them. That will send a strong and clear message that its none of anyone's business what your spending habits are. Them spreading rumors doesnt make it true nor does it affect your pocketbook...........so why care???

Also MIA made some very good suggestions about savings and such.

Cheegum · Oct 27th, 2009, 03:13 PM

While he can definitely use some of your money he will never ask you for it. Its a guy thing. Whenever you have a surplus amount go to the bank and deposit it in his account (you just need his account number and branch number). He will most likely accept it because you gave it to him without him having to ask for it. Remember that by doing so you are in no way doing any ehsan on him. You can not ever bring this amount up in any conversation later claiming that you helped him out and that he somehow owes you.

If you can give him the money without expecting anything in return then go ahead and do it. If you are expecting something in return then its best you keep your money.

Orpheus · Oct 27th, 2009, 10:43 PM

i'm sick of life1.

samnawab · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:17 AM

Thank you all for the suggestions.

I am opening a saving acount because we don't have any yet, and I am sure we can do something nice with it.

Decent 6Chora · Oct 28th, 2009, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samnawab

Thank you all for the suggestions.

I am opening a saving acount because we don't have any yet, and I am sure we can do something nice with it.

My wife did the same even when she was not earning she used to get hefty pocket money and she made it a habit to put some in the saving account every month.

Initially I was like "o just use it for whatever...i have a saving account ..u should not worry about it" but somehow she now has almost the same amount in her saving account as ours

fallenpieta · Oct 29th, 2009, 01:31 PM

A woman earning more than her husband would definitely bruise his ego and I know it would certainly do some damage to mine. But that is only because we are men and men from childhood are brought up a certain way: to be future bread winners. That being said, I tend to think of myself as just tiny bit more open minded then most men where a future wife earning more than me wouldn't affect me as bad as if I didn't get to play the DOCTOR in the doctor-nurse game, so to speak.