Should i be a loving or controling husband? - Page 3

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:16 AM

Cool down, bhai!

Tell mamma your bahu likes you a lot and tell the begum her ma-in-law is fond of her daughter in law...!!

Decent 6Chora · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:24 AM

Give respect, get respect

and this holds true for every relation including wife

GSUK · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:28 AM

Why do sum simplistic people keep comin up wit childish replies. Monk you wudnt b sayin dis to my face son, trust me wen i tel u dat n yea im bein a man n takin responsibility for what i got myself into. 99% of the guys wudnt even do half of what im doing for her in dis situation but i dnt expect u to understand or give me ur approval. However, be reasonable if u choose to reply to my post, otherwise go play with urself. dis is what i h8 abt net, sum muppets get away with bein rude!

aliyahali · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:30 AM

I would consider breaking off the marriage.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you're families aren't talking.
This girl is from Pakistan, most of the girls from there ARE chalaak.
You really think, when she get's to where you're living she will stay out of it?? At the moment she is not saying anything as to not rock the boat and get out of Pakistan.

When she gets to the UK, (or wherever you're living) she's going to make her point known.

No girl will stay quiet whilst she hears anyone (in this case your parents) for whatever reason insult her parents.

The guys in the UK/US are too soft and the girls from Pakistan are the opposite.

Trust me, you will have issues. She will try and create wedge between you and your parents and eventually you will be alienated from your own family.

Either get both sets of parents to sort their issues out, even this is not an ideal situation as people hold grudges, or break off the marriage.

aliyahali · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:33 AM

PS: I await the comments with regards to my post....

PyariCgudia · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:35 AM

There is nothing chalaak about putting your foot down when it comes to insults and mind games. Girls anywhere would not tolerate it.

aliyahali · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:36 AM

Girls are the ones that play mind games

aliyahali · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:37 AM

It's very rarely the husband

Gulnaar Khan · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:39 AM

He prolly waited for a similar reply !

Decent 6Chora · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliyahali

The guys in the UK/US are too soft and the girls from Pakistan are the opposite.

Trust me, you will have issues. She will try and create wedge between you and your parents and eventually you will be alienated from your own family.

Wow thats quite a generalization!

Don't misguide him. You cant say anything about the girl unless you really know her although about insulting parents I agree, no one will take it either girl or boy.

PyariCgudia · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:40 AM

Btw I'm lost. You are afraid of manipulation. Has she tried manipulating you yet?

GSUK · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:44 AM

hahahaa aliya u sound like my family when u said al dis...
This girl is from Pakistan, most of the girls from there ARE chalaak.
You really think, when she get's to where you're living she will stay out of it?? At the moment she is not saying anything as to not rock the boat and get out of Pakistan.

When she gets to the UK, (or wherever you're living) she's going to make her point known.

No girl will stay quiet whilst she hears anyone (in this case your parents) for whatever reason insult her parents.

The guys in the UK/US are too soft and the girls from Pakistan are the opposite.

I know its not an ideal situation to be in n Im unlucky dat i ended up in dis mess cz of my family but Nah i wont break it off Aliyah, mainly for her sake as u know galz life is ruined in our society. its not her fault things turned out dis way. I feel dat I have duty towards her in dat sense n not ruin her life n its jus dat sense of duty da im doin al dis. odawise i wud av got outa it.
Every relationship has issues, dn dey? I believe we shudnt wana break it off at d first sign of any trouble. I want to make it work but yea what you mentioned is exactly what im getting told by my family. Hence my concern dat may b im bein too nice but i think dis is how a guy shud b to his wife.

GSUK · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:51 AM

but Aliyah jus to clarify, my family wont disrepect her parents infront of her or even behind her back infront of me. Das not an issue but yea both families dont like or trus eachoda now.

Decent 6Chora · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GSUK

....Nah i wont break it off Aliyah, mainly for her sake as u know galz life is ruined in our society

reality check...wake up and smell the coffee.

Its not like that any more in Pakistan. Girls are getting divorced and getting married again in many cases which is good thing (getting married part of it). They do have option now so take that out of equation.

NJMasti · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:56 AM

GSUK: You seem like a person who can judge correctly what right and what's wrong.

It seems that you do care about your wife and your parents. The good part is you are not "swayed" by any one side. Good for you. You will balance out this relationship very well, trying to keep both happy.

Mehnaz · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigdaddy

You will spend the rest of your life with this person so you should start with right intentions. Being controlling or having her fear you is just asinine. Be yourself and encourage her to do the same so you can both see what life after marriage will be like.

What a sensible reply.

samnawab · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:45 AM

What i really don't understand; first your parents arange a marriage for you and then there are a few disagreements and they put you against them.
So first they want you to start loving them and then take distance. Risthey shouldn't be made for breaking them so easily. this winds me up, really. If you don't know each other that well, you shouldn;t take the step to marry, but try to get to know your partner, because he/she will be your other half, for all your life.
These days rishteys are made up so easily and they break up like that as well, sadly........

sanam

aliyahali · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:48 AM

What were the disagreements about?

Can you try and give us an unbiased account.

Mamaof3 · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:56 AM

So you are now married to a complete stranger but one who was chosen for you by your parents. It sounds to me like the parents on both sides of this marriage are all involved in the marriage and the only people who are NOT involved in the marriage are the HUSBAND and the WIFE!!!

Your intentions and desire - to have a good marriage and to be a good husband - are so very honorable and nice. You need to step back at this point from the family interferences, demands, wayward offerings of advice and just focus on being a good husband to your wife. And tell her this, along with the suggestion that she do the same.

Respect your parents and hers for sure. But that doesnt mean that you have to follow their instructions and advice. Tell them nicely and politely "ok" and just go about the business of establishing your relationship with your new wife in the manner that you WANT to, not in the manner that you're told to by your parents or hers.

If the parents see you and your wife being polite but going about your life happily and in your own way, they'll eventually cool their jets and settle down.

NJMasti · Oct 28th, 2009, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mamaof3

So you are now married to a complete stranger but one who was chosen for you by your parents. It sounds to me like the parents on both sides of this marriage are all involved in the marriage and the only people who are NOT involved in the marriage are the HUSBAND and the WIFE!!!

Your intentions and desire - to have a good marriage and to be a good husband - are so very honorable and nice. You need to step back at this point from the family interferences, demands, wayward offerings of advice and just focus on being a good husband to your wife. And tell her this, along with the suggestion that she do the same.

Respect your parents and hers for sure. But that doesnt mean that you have to follow their instructions and advice. Tell them nicely and politely "ok" and just go about the business of establishing your relationship with your new wife in the manner that you WANT to, not in the manner that you're told to by your parents or hers.

If the parents see you and your wife being polite but going about your life happily and in your own way, they'll eventually cool their jets and settle down.

MO3 ... lol.... don't you think this is like a "love marriage" for "parents" cause they are the ones who setup this whole thing... and now the "parents" want divorce the "parents"... cause they don't get along.

Poor hubby and wify - just feel sorry for them cause they are stuck in a situation.

Parents have no shame in playing with the lives of their kids. So sad.