My Friend Hates Me

Muzna · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:08 PM

Everyone here seems to think that there are few relationships other than the husband/wife, DIL/MIL, SIL/BIL ones so I am going to try out a different scenario. Let's see if all you in-law experts can help.

I have a friend with whom I have shared a very long term and generally enduring friendship.
Sometime in the past this friend decided to make a choice that I did not agree with. In fact I felt that it would be very, very bad. Being the person that I am, I shared my opinion in an effort to discourage this friend.

When friend decided not to heed my advice I did the next best thing; told friend to be careful and that I would be here if friend needed me.

Friend then made some comments that were hurtful and obviously misdirected. I decided that friend is not thinking straight and that while I would be there for friend as promised, I would not help in any of friend's actions that were directly detrimental to said friend. In short, I disengaged as much as possible.

Soon after friend's venture crashed and burned.
No....I did not say "I told you so." But yes, I thought it.

Friend has since then decided that friend will not be friendly with me anymore. Despite my efforts to reach out to friend, friend is not cooperative.

What should I do?

Hang around in the shadows and wait for friend to see the light?
Give up and move on? There are other friends in the world.....
While away the hours thinking of friend's misery and feel guilty about it?

What would you do?

Niksik · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:14 PM

This friend you talk about, maybe guilty of not listening to you and trying to avoid a breakdown in front of you. The friend knows you are there but needs time to reach you.

Just be there. Trust me. I am an experienced aunty.

sadzzz · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:15 PM

hmm interesting.

Just leave it. Me thinks.

sadzzz · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:15 PM

Yes, and agree with Niksik. Wait for the friend to reach out.

Man with a Plan · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:18 PM

That person does not consider you as a friend.

Muzna · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:18 PM

but aunty ji......

if one cannot have a breakdown in front of a friend then what good is that friendship?
kiss kaam ki aisi dosti?

I agree with MWP.

Niksik · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:21 PM

Muzna, perhaps the friend is afraid of being judged. Even if you have assured the friend that you will not do that, we all have our fears and egos...some take longer to put them aside.

mistral · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:22 PM

Sometimes it's hard for people to admit they were wrong about something. It becomes even harder to admit that you were wrong in front of the person who tried to warn you off your ill-advised venture in the first place. It becomes a matter of pride and for most of us, it's very difficult to swallow it.

I agree with sadzzz and niksik. Give it some time. Be polite if you run into friend but right now, don't seek her out. Let her find her way back to you, and in the meantime, concentrate on other matters. If she doesn't find her way back to you, then it's time to move on.

Muzna · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:22 PM

So friend has no ego issues advertising all over the place but friend has issues sharing with me.

Man with a plan is still right. Friend is not a friend.

TLK · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:23 PM

If you are a true friend (he/she may or may not be) then its your responsibilty to figure out a way to reconnect to that person.

Niksik · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:23 PM

Yes, it is easier to talk to strangers sometimes...for the very reason that who cares what they think....your friend cares what you think.

Man with a Plan · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:29 PM

Muzna might know that person for a while because she is working or living near with that person. Friends share. Good and bad things. Simple. I doubt that person even invites her to functions or parties, if do so it may be as in a form of formality.

sadzzz · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:42 PM

Muzna, the other thing is, maybe the friend is ashamed of telling u (advertising to u) and doesnt really care what other people think, so is telling them.

Does that make sense? lets say for example, u have a younger silbling who has done something u disapprove of.. the sibling looks upto u... so is ashamed of telling u anything cus they dont want to make u upset or know they have lost respect in ur eyes... yet, they go and tell all their other friends..

sadzzz · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niksik

Yes, it is easier to talk to strangers sometimes...for the very reason that who cares what they think....your friend cares what you think.

Muzna · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:43 PM

But friend knows that I know.
I made sure that friend knows that I know and I made sure that friend knows I am there for friend even after the crash and burn. No strings.

sadzzz · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:45 PM

^ yes.... that doesnt matter. Maybe they just dont want to hurt you again.. ?

Niksik · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:46 PM

Allah laRki, lekin friend needs times to calm down after crash and burn. ThoRa aur waqt doh. Sabr. Sabr.

Friends know who are true friends. These are matters of the heart.

sadzzz · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:49 PM

another thing.... if ur the kind to always be like a big sister to ur friends, you may end up being the last to know anything.. or know at all.

They may fear your upsetness, and may not want to deal with the disrespect they think they might get... seriously, I know about all this.

MIAinVA · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:50 PM

Friend probably doesn't know you as well as you think she does.... she might be thinking you're gloating and thinking "I told you so". Friend's self-esteem is hurt.... its tough to admit that one was wrong..... give it time.... when she talks to you again, never mention the crash and burn incident. Don't give it another thought, when she wants to ... she'll come around.

Niksik · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:50 PM

Maybe she wan't being a sister but a mother