Nikkah without Rukhsati - Page 2

NJMasti · Oct 29th, 2009, 10:01 AM

The whole point of Ruksati is to consummate marriage.

ummmmmm - ??? Why are you expected to hold your horses for months?

that don't make any "satisfactory" "sense".

Monk · Oct 29th, 2009, 10:45 AM

u know what is worst?
rukhsati with out nikah. U got to be careful of those.

Tklucky8 · Oct 29th, 2009, 11:15 AM

Well Honestly it depends. Islamically there is no such thing as engagement. So if you have to make a commitment islamically Nikah is the way to go. Like others mentioned there are times when certain circumstances causes the couple to wait for certain thing or time till they can start their life and accept responsibility. If they dont do Nikah then there is reallly no commitment there not to mention that if they decide to see or talk to each other in between is haram itself.

So that's why some families chose to do Nikah as a means of a commitment. Nikah is a Commitment or a contract, Marriage is not valid until it has been consumated which is obviously after the bride officially leaves her parents house.
Also, to add on Yes there is no such thing in Islam to have a Huge celebration for Rukhsati But there is a Concept of rukhsati, which is the Bride leaving parents house with parent's permission. Or in other words Parents/Guardian handing the bride off to groom. That can be done at home to in a hall that up to the couple. So she really cant run off with the groom between nikah - sending off time period without girl's parents consent.

I had to do research in this topic for my cousion when her in laws wanted a nikah and a year wait and my family was not familiar with this concept. so thats why i know little bit of details.

PyariCgudia · Oct 29th, 2009, 11:54 AM

That's total BS. Islamically, after the nikkah is done, the marriage gets consummated. No where in Islamic history has the Nikkah been used to substititute as a halaal engagement, except in the minds of misguided Pakistanis.

Nikkah = wedding.

There is no harm in getting to know the spouse prior to the nikkah, in supervised meetings and discussions. You don't need to bind them in a nikkah to make that "getting to know each other" phase halaal. NO one in the muslim world treats a nikkah as an "Islamic engagement". Except in Pakistan.

Monk · Oct 29th, 2009, 11:58 AM

3 of my brother suffered from it.
they all said this.

1-Brother P.(after he got nikah with out rukhsati) "Its like having driving licence with out access to the car."
2-Brother A.(after he got nikah with out rukhsati) "Brother P was right Its like having driving licence with out access to the car."

3-Brother E.(after he got nikah with out rukhsati) "Brother P and A ware right Its like having driving licence with out access to the car."

PyariCgudia · Oct 29th, 2009, 12:00 PM

Why did they keep repeating the mistake then?

Let me guess. Your parents decided it would be that way?

Monk · Oct 29th, 2009, 12:03 PM

First one was nikkahed at 19.

We hate engagements in our family. Plus my father thought boys were badmash. If nikkahed they wont be committing sin or some thing.

Firs onet got nikkahed when he got caught with bhabi in a park(sittin in the tree situation). Police inspector took them to my dad.

coolguylin · Oct 29th, 2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tklucky8

Well Honestly it depends. Islamically there is no such thing as engagement. So if you have to make a commitment islamically Nikah is the way to go. Like others mentioned there are times when certain circumstances causes the couple to wait for certain thing or time till they can start their life and accept responsibility. If they dont do Nikah then there is reallly no commitment there not to mention that if they decide to see or talk to each other in between is haram itself.

So that's why some families chose to do Nikah as a means of a commitment. Nikah is a Commitment or a contract, Marriage is not valid until it has been consumated which is obviously after the bride officially leaves her parents house.
Also, to add on Yes there is no such thing in Islam to have a Huge celebration for Rukhsati But there is a Concept of rukhsati, which is the Bride leaving parents house with parent's permission. Or in other words Parents/Guardian handing the bride off to groom. That can be done at home to in a hall that up to the couple. So she really cant run off with the groom between nikah - sending off time period without girl's parents consent.

I had to do research in this topic for my cousion when her in laws wanted a nikah and a year wait and my family was not familiar with this concept. so thats why i know little bit of details.

You are absolutely wrong.. After Nikkah, there is no hurdle, even without rukhsti they can live together.. Nikkah is the only and final thing to make a valid marriage..

Sweetmoi · Oct 29th, 2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PyariCgudia

That's total BS. Islamically, after the nikkah is done, the marriage gets consummated. No where in Islamic history has the Nikkah been used to substititute as a halaal engagement, except in the minds of misguided Pakistanis.

Nikkah = wedding.

There is no harm in getting to know the spouse prior to the nikkah, in supervised meetings and discussions. You don't need to bind them in a nikkah to make that "getting to know each other" phase halaal. NO one in the muslim world treats a nikkah as an "Islamic engagement". Except in Pakistan.

To the bolded part: Thats not entirely true, because both the Turks and the Arabs see the nikkah as an engagement which they can break off anytime. Yes, they do acknowledge that when you break this "engagement" you are "divorced" yet its called as an "engagement" and not a "marriage/wedding" until they have the wedding party. Personally I think this whole during nikkah- no-rukhsati has developed only in the past 10-15 yrs, before that people wanted nikkah-rukhsati at same time .. or at least thats how it was where I come from. But nowadays you see them all during nikkahs just for the whole "halal" proces.

My brother had his nikkah done prior to his barat - about 6 months. The main reason was the Visa issue. My mamo had to leave his wife behind after the wedding with her family, because they hadnt applied for the visa and there were some issues like she was pregnant, difficult to travel and so on. Therefor my mum asked the brides family for a nikkah so that we could apply for visa. Thankfully the visa was granted to my bhabhi in time so right after rukhsati she could come along.

Brit Chick · Oct 29th, 2009, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PyariCgudia

Lusi, then what is the point of the nikkah then, if they can't live together for whatever reasons? (ex. schooling, or jobs, or immigration).

Once you are married, you are responsible for one another and you should be living together. Period. I can understand if its an immigration issue, and you get the nikkah done and then your partner has to wait until he/she can come over. But the Rukhsati can be done back home, and the marriage can be consummated as soon as the nikkah is read.

But this other nonsense - like oh, i'm here, and my spouse is there, and for what?? Either get married, and live together and be there for each other, or just hold the nikkah off until you can.

Simple.

It's too unreasonable to get someone married off and then they can't even be with their spouse.

Concept of Rukhsati is not Islamic. In Islam, the NIKKAH = Wedding. So once the nikkah is done, you are free to run off with that person, live with them, have their babies, and the whole kitten kaboodle.

Couldn't have put it better myself. Quite frankly, some of the reasons people give for delaying rukhsati are - in my opinion - quite pathetic ie we can't afford to live together yet cos of work/education issues (so don't get married then

) or we want time to adjust to being husband and wife and other equally ridiculous justifications.

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 04:53 PM

I've never been a fan of the nikkah without ruksati thing. I think it unnecessarily complicates relationships that should be very clear and simple. I understand sometimes there are logistical issues, but most of the time I think it's silliness.

yourfriend · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:02 PM

so how would u feel living with ur inlaws Without ur husband?
or re-rukhsti-fied back to your parents and raise your kid/s IF things (u know what i mean) doesn't go according to the plan
i m not in the favor of nikkah (without) rukhsati at all unless there is some visa /immigration thingy is involved .. and in that case no consummation is better because it will get the guy going to follow up the visa process religiously ... otherwise they usually become reluctant u know

Decent 6Chora · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:09 PM

just tell him upfront, you are this desperate

On serious note, most of the time this situation is created unnecessaraly, and other times, there is a genuine need. For example, X of dulha/dulhan is dying and X want to see "khushiaan of dulha/dulhan" but problem is one of them is not ready (whatever reason job, education ,exams next month whatever hell)...so this is done so that X can die peacefully!

Its hard on guy/gal though. Its just like you are not allowed to drive a car after buying it and getting license although its parked in your driveway !!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by PyariCgudia

If my future husband makes me go through THAT, I'm going to thrash him with some random chair I pick up from the nikkah hall.

Publicly.

Enigmatica · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:11 PM

i agree with you guys totally. nikkah should be on the day of ur wedding with the rukhsati . but in my case im going to have my nikkah probably almst a year before my rukhsati

couple of reasons...my mbbs ends in feb 2011 n m in lahore ..and my hubby-to-be is doin his specialisation in UK..n is settled there.. so i cant go there midway b/w my studies.

secondly my in laws want my papers n the immigration process to be completed before my rukhsati. n my parents want that too. they dont want me to be stuck here in pakistan alone.

but to think of additional responsibilities that come wid nikkah its quite difficult ...u juggle b/w 2 families haina ? since ur officially the 'bahu' at ur in laws .. and yet still livin at ur parents' place..

on the other hand, engagement is totally un-islamic..therez no concept of meetin, gettin to know each other thru intimate meetings/talks/going out... and esp this ring exchanging in islam...with the nikkah..at least u KNOW that this guy is your mehram ..and you r not doing anything wrong..

while rukhsati is totally cultural. parents have to make sure their daughter is safely 'packaged' *lol thts wot i called it* to the susraal..before anything *ALARMING* happens :P it is a big responsibility ..so there has to be an announced rukhsati in our culture...even if nikkah has been done ..and the girl has to stay at her parent's place for some reasons

weird hai yaarrr

what are your views on this ppl ??

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:23 PM

Can't you just do the ruksati? Then you can at least visit each other periodically.

stoppit · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:34 PM

ugh. i have been through this. we were having nikkah and wanted them to accept that i was rukhsatified too. his parents didn't budge and were even threatening to not do the nikkah. so we decided it was better to be married than not, to make our relationship halal. it's not too bad coz we're mostly long distance and he's coming to me when he's finished his degree. let's just say, when i stayed there we acted like just good frands, but when he holidayed here my parents didn't treat us like we weren't married. no restrictions. our relatives even did our dawats. so yea, an official rukhsati after all this? i don't so.

dunno why his parents couldn't just accept it coz nothing is actually any different than if they had.

Enigmatica · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:36 PM

^sahar02
yea i know wot you mean. but then i would have to live at my in laws. and it's my final year too..and it's really tough. they have a huge family in lahore.. ppl keep visiting, n they have gatherings and all, finding proper time to study would be so difficult for me ..n with such tough studies, and emergency duties... adjusting at a new place would be difficult that too without my husband..

n my parents wouldnt want me to come back to my own place AFTER rukhsati..

and since i wud be moving to uk later, i wud want to spend more time with my mom n dad. don't you think ?

am so confused :/

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lusi

Why? What if the two ppl are living in different states and can't get rukhsatified at that time for school or whatever?

just ive seen way too many 'divorces' happening between the time of the nikkah and rukhsati hence i wouldnt recommend it.

I dont recommend long engagements either, but they are better than getting nikkahfied and then having to divorce when things go wrong. And we all know there is a very high risk of things happening

Inaya · Oct 29th, 2009, 06:57 PM

what date would count as ur wedding anniversary? a few weeks ago it was my friend's 1st wedding anniversary and she invited us all out for dinner. her rukhsati was a while after the nikah n she turned n said to me im always confused about which date my anniversary should be on. should it be on the date u get married or the date u 'officially' leave with ur husband thus beginning married life?

personally i dnt agree with the rukhsati after the nikah. the nikah is the main thing n i dont see the point of doing baraat/rukhsati function n getting all decked up when the main thing has already happend

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:01 PM

See that's a serious problem. People start taking the nikkah lightly, as if it is not the real marriage. IT IS MARRIAGE.