Nikkah without Rukhsati - Page 3

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monk

First one was nikkahed at 19.

We hate engagements in our family. Plus my father thought boys were badmash. If nikkahed they wont be committing sin or some thing.

Firs onet got nikkahed when he got caught with bhabi in a park(sittin in the tree situation). Police inspector took them to my dad.

awww poor lovebirds. They weren't doing anything wrong.

Enigmatica · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:10 PM

@inaya ..yea that IS a problem .. sigh this is depressing

but i got not much of a choice in this opinion .. but for me my wedding anniversary would be the day of my nikkah..nikkah is the REAL marriage ..the rukhsati is just being delayed coz of unavoidable circumstances and we can't do much about that..

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sahar02

See that's a serious problem. People start taking the nikkah lightly, as if it is not the real marriage. IT IS MARRIAGE.

and thats why we have so many people who are sitting apparently divorced. Like seriously, i haer at least 4-5 stories each year about someone who had their nikkah, got broken off.. i mean its not an engagement that can be broken... its a proper marriage

Inaya · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:44 PM

another reason iv heard as to why ppl want to do nikah and then rukhsati much later is to 'secure' the rishta. its almost like a 'baat pakki' kind of thing.

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:50 PM

^ shows how insecure peopel can be

bebo · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:21 PM

Seriously I have never seen people preferring Nikkah sans Rukhsati unless there is a legitimate reason, And there can be thousand and one reasons to delay Rukhsati. Frankly I think since in Pakistan there is no dating, atleast socially approved and open even after engagment, Nikkah is a great way to experience the excietment of romance, dating, butterflies in your stomach kinnda thing.

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:26 PM

^ i dont agree. What happens if u have issues between that time? what if during that "romance" time u realise this is not the person u want to be with... and hence u break it off? u both end up with a lable of 'divorcee'. It may not be too bad for a guy.... but for a girl, its an ordeal. No, i take that back... i know two guys who have had this done to them, one of whome ended up being very very messed up.. and he was one of the nicest guys i had come across

PyariCgudia · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigmatica

^sahar02
yea i know wot you mean. but then i would have to live at my in laws. and it's my final year too..and it's really tough. they have a huge family in lahore.. ppl keep visiting, n they have gatherings and all, finding proper time to study would be so difficult for me ..n with such tough studies, and emergency duties... adjusting at a new place would be difficult that too without my husband..

n my parents wouldnt want me to come back to my own place AFTER rukhsati..

and since i wud be moving to uk later, i wud want to spend more time with my mom n dad. don't you think ?

am so confused :/

Why don't you just sign the nikkah papers once you are ready to live with him, wherever that is and under whatever circumstances.

No one is saying, hey start living with him when you're not ready.

We're asking, why not just sign the papers when you ARE ready to live with him? Why sign the papers one year earlier to that?

Like, for example, if I met someone and we decided to get married, and I figure, okay, I gotta graduate, then I gotta move to wherever the next place is I have to move to (IF I have to move), then I got to get settled there, and then, finally we can live together...then why would I sign a nikkah nama TODAY? Why not sign it once I've moved?

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:30 PM

^ sometimes people do the nikkah to speed up the immigration process. But, I say.. if ur gonna go and do the signing of the papers neways, u may as well go do the whoel big shabang thing (if they are planning to do this later).

Just go and get it done... do the rukhsathi as well, even if the two people cant mirgrate together... just do it... when the immigration has been approved, the guy or gal can go back and get their spouse. Simple

PyariCgudia · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigmatica

i agree with you guys totally. nikkah should be on the day of ur wedding with the rukhsati . but in my case im going to have my nikkah probably almst a year before my rukhsati

couple of reasons...my mbbs ends in feb 2011 n m in lahore ..and my hubby-to-be is doin his specialisation in UK..n is settled there.. so i cant go there midway b/w my studies.

secondly my in laws want my papers n the immigration process to be completed before my rukhsati. n my parents want that too. they dont want me to be stuck here in pakistan alone.

but to think of additional responsibilities that come wid nikkah its quite difficult ...u juggle b/w 2 families haina ? since ur officially the 'bahu' at ur in laws .. and yet still livin at ur parents' place..

on the other hand, engagement is totally un-islamic..therez no concept of meetin, gettin to know each other thru intimate meetings/talks/going out... and esp this ring exchanging in islam...with the nikkah..at least u KNOW that this guy is your mehram ..and you r not doing anything wrong..

while rukhsati is totally cultural. parents have to make sure their daughter is safely 'packaged' *lol thts wot i called it* to the susraal..before anything *ALARMING* happens :P it is a big responsibility ..so there has to be an announced rukhsati in our culture...even if nikkah has been done ..and the girl has to stay at her parent's place for some reasons

weird hai yaarrr

what are your views on this ppl ??

Wrong, there is a concept of a PERIOD of time in which you can get to know one another. Prior to making a commitment. The Prophet encouraged people to get to know one another prior to marriage - and in fact, he got married to Khadija when Khadija and he knew each other fairly well. That's not to say physical contact is encouraged prior to marriage, but you can definitely talk to one another. The whole you cannot speak a sentence to a na-mehram is bogus, unfounded in Islam, and is more of a Saudi cultural thing than anything else.

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigmatica

^sahar02
yea i know wot you mean. but then i would have to live at my in laws. and it's my final year too..and it's really tough. they have a huge family in lahore.. ppl keep visiting, n they have gatherings and all, finding proper time to study would be so difficult for me ..n with such tough studies, and emergency duties... adjusting at a new place would be difficult that too without my husband..

n my parents wouldnt want me to come back to my own place AFTER rukhsati..

and since i wud be moving to uk later, i wud want to spend more time with my mom n dad. don't you think ?

am so confused :/

The fact that people still think this way makes me sad and angry.

But I agree with PCG. Why not just wait to do the nikkah?

bebo · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadzzz

^ i dont agree. What happens if u have issues between that time? what if during that "romance" time u realise this is not the person u want to be with... and hence u break it off? u both end up with a lable of 'divorcee'. It may not be too bad for a guy.... but for a girl, its an ordeal. No, i take that back... i know two guys who have had this done to them, one of whome ended up being very very messed up.. and he was one of the nicest guys i had come across

So you think Ruksati prevents divorce?? People do not take nikaah as lightly as you would think.

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebo

So you think Ruksati prevents divorce?? People do not take nikaah as lightly as you would think.

i never implied rukhsathi prevents divorce.

but people who treat nikkah as a getting to know period because they dont believe in engagements, are silly to me.

A nikkah is a marriage... simple.

what u said in ur previous post about doing all the cutesy wootsy stuff after the nikkah..... well how does a full rukhsati stop one from that? u cant be all gf/bfish once u get married?

bebo · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadzzz

i never implied rukhsathi prevents divorce.

but people who treat nikkah as a getting to know period because they dont believe in engagements, are silly to me.

A nikkah is a marriage... simple.

what u said in ur previous post about doing all the cutesy wootsy stuff after the nikkah..... well how does a full rukhsati stop one from that? u cant be all gf/bfish once u get married?

I agree that treating nikkah as engagment (getting to know period) is stupid but atleast what I know people do not do that.
As for cutsy things yes after the Ruksati comes the resposibilty of ghar dari, inlwas and what not. Couples do get the honey moon period of one week and then back to routine. I am talking about majority of cases here. So I think if for what ever reson Ruksati is delayed it can be a wonderful and memorable experience in a pakistani couple's life.

kahtifah · Oct 29th, 2009, 09:46 PM

A friend of mine had her nikah done (IMO this means they are islamically and legally married, end of discussion), but her rukhsati would take place later since he was still studying.

She ended up pregnant during that time and everyone and I mean everyone was shocked and horrified that this had occurred without a rukhsati. Seriously thats all the community kept talking about. For goodness sakes, they were married, who cares!!!!

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 09:57 PM

^ Exactly. This set up just complicates things for NO reason!

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebo

I agree that treating nikkah as engagment (getting to know period) is stupid but atleast what I know people do not do that.
As for cutsy things yes after the Ruksati comes the resposibilty of ghar dari, inlwas and what not. Couples do get the honey moon period of one week and then back to routine. I am talking about majority of cases here. So I think if for what ever reson Ruksati is delayed it can be a wonderful and memorable experience in a pakistani couple's life.

look, i dont think responsiblity and looking after a ghar kills off cutesy wootsy stuff.

A lot of people in pakistan still think its ok to break off the nikkah cus the girls hasnt been rukhsatfied ...

Sahar02 · Oct 29th, 2009, 10:04 PM

^ Exactly

"They haven't had sex, so it's no big deal! Who cares if we're breaking a contract with God?"

sadzzz · Oct 29th, 2009, 10:09 PM

^ yes and thats why its such a big deal IF the girl does get pregnant....

people just dont understand simple things.

bebo · Oct 30th, 2009, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadzzz

look, i dont think responsiblity and looking after a ghar kills off cutesy wootsy stuff.

A lot of people in pakistan still think its ok to break off the nikkah cus the girls hasnt been rukhsatfied ...

Yeah right !! Look at the threads in life 1.
Anyways as I have said before people do not take nikkah lightly as every one keep sayin here.