zobia

why girls and their families get so frustrated and freaks out when some rishtay walay comes to your home.

why dont we have a quality time. talk to the aunties? asks for their experiences? and wanna know more what kinda girl are they looking for?
and why mothers advice their daughters to speak as less as possible to these rishta aunties? i mean these potential brides should know what kind of people she should expect meeting in her near future?

why is this all initial process is showcased as such a headache? as if you are "on the go". you must understand that the way society is transforming we all want partners that could be mold according to our needs.

girls, a word of advice....Be confident!, and open to discuss every aspect. and show that u are adaptable.
else, pray 5 times and may ALLAH SWT be with u!

PyariCgudia

why girls and their families get so frustrated and freaks out when some rishtay walay comes to your home.

Because you're being evaluated like a bakri on the eve of Bakra Eid. Ask those bakris some day how THEY feel. They'll tell you.


why dont we have a quality time. talk to the aunties? asks for their experiences? and wanna know more what kinda girl are they looking for?
and why mothers advice their daughters to speak as less as possible to these rishta aunties?

If you open your mouth, you'll freak them out and drive them away.

i mean these potential brides should know what kind of people she should expect meeting in her near future?

*scoffs* Who told you that you have that right?


why is this all initial process is showcased as such a headache?

This is how Bayer makes money.

as if you are "on the go". you must understand that the way society is transforming we all want partners that could be mold according to our needs.

You want to mold your man according to your needs? Let's see. Gentlemen of GS - how does that sound to you? That your wife is gonna mold YOU to HER needs?


girls, a word of advice....Be confident!, and open to discuss every aspect. and show that u are adaptable.

Basically tell them you'll kiss their feet 5 times a day if they take you into their home, like a friggin' bighari.

else, pray 5 times and may ALLAH SWT be with u!

Pakistanis have been saying this since the conception of the nation. Has it worked? Really?

redvelvet

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOOOOOOOOOO FUNNNY!!!!!!!!! This should be published!

It's not unusual for our behavior to mirror or reflect or play off of the other person's behavior..............and............even expectations of society. So, if the girl's side typically acts a certain way, it's because of societal expectations of gender roles/culture.

dildirani

My friend's family spent the last 4 years looking for someone for the eldest daughter. Everytime a rishta would come they would always pick my friend. So much so that it created a gulf between the two sisters. Alahmdulilah she is now engaged, the elder sister, but when the last rishta came, she never let her sister in the same room and always told her to make herself scarce when the future rishtaydar came.

PyariCgudia

Isn't that a pity? Don't guys know the BS that girls have to go through with in a situation like that? Imaan se, men are such pigs.

dildirani

It is a real pity when it creates rifts and one sister will resent the other one.

redvelvet

At least someone should be thinking of tact in such a scenario, right? It would be nice if the guy was the one, since any potential marriage would involve him more.

However, what about the guy's parents? His mommy, for example? Doesn't she realize the awkwardness of the situation........that could result between two sisters? And what if she has 2 daughters close in age herself......would she bother applying the situation to herself?

Sometimes a woman's worst enemy can be a woman. And it's sad that those who are older......and more experienced about the ills of our culture........don't take steps to make positive changes for the generation of younger women coming after them.

Safoora

^wow, that's so sad!

A question for the conservative lot- would you guys feel weird if the larki-walay ask to meet in a restaurant/hotel setting before inviting larkay-walay to the house? Assuming that you guys are the larkay-walay?

I ask because truly speaking, I would be very freaked out

Mabrook

i'll never like a gil who talks patter patter n discuss everything boldly when i go chk her as a prospect baho, bhabi. things should be discussed but slow n steady. on first few meetings only elders should talk n girl should quitely observe. u see more , acting as a third party. once families get close to some decision the girl n guy should hav some meetings of their own.
no matter how openly u talk, how u question them or how many times u tell them ur likes/dislikes their real natures will reveal only after ur YES.

PyariCgudia

What's wrong with a patter patter girl?

zobia

what makes you think that girl who talks patter patter, cant be humble, and modest?

zobia

they get friends with everyone, so the one who dont patter patter dont like it...so may be they feel insecure

NaMaan

They are food inspectors . Feed them good and they will be happy

Obama

Yes................Right again PCG...........

But here is some ammo for you........

How to put Men in their place........

Just tell the Man:




Sheesha dekhiyey huzoor

Dil hamein na dejiyey

Apni shakal dekh kur

touba touba kejiyey.................

mistral

I'm not sure that's a good idea in situations where the first few meetings are all there are before the wedding, because the boy and girl have to talk a lot in a short amount of time in order to determine if it's the right thing. Even if it is a situation where there's plenty of time, if a girl stays quiet initially...well, I've seen more than one girl get rejected because her well meaning relatives told her to stay quiet the entire time because people don't like "bold" girls only to have the boy and his side get put off because she was "too quiet." Then again, if she talks too much, as you pointed out Mabrook, people tend to get put off by that too. It's a Catch-22.

I say be yourself. If someone doesn't like you because of that, then you're better off. You want to marry the person who admires YOU...not an act you put on.

Mabrook

its a matter of choice, it has nothing to do with humbleness or modesty just lack of manners. i know many ppl who talk too much mostly talk without thinking. lots of times they say things that shouldn't b said. they infact have shallow personalities. plus these ppl mostly say n pretend wat they r not. n yes by nature i'm not into unnecessary talking so that can be a reason too. it has nothing to do with being insecure. y should i be insecure of talkative ppl. i infact get bored by them

Mabrook

acting is diff from being cautious or respectful. if u talk when needed u r not acting just being more sensible. havn't u noticed ppl around elders and then in their own circle of friends? same person will reveal diff aspects of his personality in both situations. there's a diff. it doesn't mean they r acting when they r around elders.
i never understand this term"be urself" wat if u actually like jumping around the house or bite ur nails or put ur legs up on the table while eating....

mistral

Being yourself doesn't mean that you conduct yourself without any sense of decorum. I meant it in the sense that a person should be honest and open about his thoughts and approach to life. For example, I do hijab. Several people hinted to me before I met my husband that being hijabi and getting married don't mix...that people want attractive girls (because obviously, all hijabis are hideous). But hijab is a part of who I am. I wasn't about to take it off for a reason that, to me, was frivolous and just plain wrong.

As for the talking bit, it seemed in your earlier post that you were saying that a girl shouldn't talk at all initially and let the elders take control, which I don't agree with. But it appears I misunderstood you. I agree with you that if anybody - the girl, her parents, etc. - say anything, they should excersie caution.

Mabrook

yes honesty is imp in relations. by being quite i didn't mean be too quiet but not start interview with guy's family herself. we hav a fam friend n they told us how they went to see a girl n she started interviewing them regarding"larka kia kerta hai, kitna kamata hai, aapka gher apka hai ya aap ka baitay k naam hai?" obviously they ran fast...lol

*HNK*

so, what is the girls suppose to do if she shouldnt be too quiet nor too talkative? Just answer the questions that she gets?