pak-one

Now there are quite a few threads where some serious and major crises are being discussed. Sometimes the anonymity of the internet allows the abused child or the distraught housewife finds comfort in a virtualized community, but reviewing most of the other threads begs the question: Do you hate (Aunties/In laws/Marriage/Men/Dark Skin/Take your Pick) so much that the entire section is full of your downright retarded thoughts? Hatred has never brought anything fruitful to the table because your rants and wasted energy, will NOT change your circumstances.

Case in point: Back in the consulting days, I ended up on some G-d awful assignment to location in the Rust Belt. In this town, the largest manufacturer was secondary parts supplier to the Big3 automaker. The owner was thinking about selling out to their larger rival. Obviously this town was shook up by the news as the manufacturer was the largest employer. While spending a week, I attempted to be out and about in the town, eat at the diners, buy the local produce and trinkets, to really see how the people would be impacted. It was pretty obvious that I was expecting an icy reception. However in reality, I was shocked to find them to be very cordial and welcoming. Unfortunately this heavily white town also had a racist streak that I discovered as time went by. Apparently they absolutely hated blacks and hispanics....Muslims? Let's not even go there. They saw me as sufficiently "ethnic" in the Italian fold. So one night, I was at the local diner finishing up a meal talking with a few of the plant workers, who turned it towards how America was being taken over by outsiders, how it was a white, Christian country etc...soon these rants grew in size as more and more people started joining in. Here, I was, sitting in the middle of about 25 Americans, all older (some even my parents age) spewing hatred against anyone who was not White, Christian. I don't claim to be a moral defender of minorities against racism nor did feel compelled to stop them in the cheesy "The More you Know" NBC type of messages, but my thoughts were elsewhere: While these people were hating on the world for their misery, their literal jobs and livelihoods were at stake if this manufacturing facility was to be sold. Perhaps they felt helpless or wanted the sympathies from each other, but the fact remained that their town would suffer an economic collapse if the largest employer were to move away. They would be left holding the bag, yet NOT ONE person addressed the core issue: How could we revamp the town and save jobs? Instead it was all about how "others" were doing this to them. The owner (white, christian himself) was getting older and was considering the offer as his employees frittered the time away, talking about how bad blacks are.

To me, this sounded idiotic but also counterproductive. Instead of tapping the positive energies towards figuring out a plan IF their jobs were lost, they were talking about issues and spewing hatred that would not change their reality. Incidentally, our report recommended cost savings but did not endorse selling out to the larger rival..some months later the owner sold out anyway and 800 jobs were lost. I thought about those people and how they were going to cope, with the recognition that many would end up on the same welfare rolls that they criticized "the blacks" had been abusing.

Anyway, returning to the topic at hand, hatred of others will not bring you anything tangible, it'll waste your time and energy, that should be deployed to change your reality. Whining or complaining online means jack, because you're still miserable in your real life.

Therefore hatred is illogical.

Me? I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.

mistral

Words to live by.

But the thing is, even if you don't sweat it, the world still doesn't leave you alone. You're not upset about how your bhabis had the absolute NERVE to wear their wedding outfits to your wedding? Never fear. Aunty Y will talk your ear off about it until you go bonkers. Are you okay with the fact that your MIL spent two more minutes talking to your brother's MIL than with your own mother? No problem. Random Uncle B will yammer on about it as if it's a crime against humanity.

I personally try really hard to pretty much let stuff go and mind my own business. But I've caught hell for that too and sometimes it's aggravating. However, you're really right about this one. Fretting about it will do me no good. Here's to trying harder to just moving on with it, eh?

pak-one

Bingo.

I mean who cares who wore what? Miss, if those Aunties are complaining to you about these things, try to cut those interactions short or when you do listen to them, do it with sympathy: They don't have the ability to think beyond. Just make sure that you're above this nonsense.

Lets face it: There will always be many things in the world that you will hate but have no actual control over, so why worry yourself about them?

Usually miserable people hate on others and hate to see others happy, we need to actively avoid getting wrapped up in this toxic behavior.

dildirani

Today's news....tomorrow's chip paper.

Today people may be gossiping about you, but tomorrow they will have a new target.

Hatred is illogical but I do feel it is a fleeting feeling.

malta

Pakone...what do you do?

TeenDabbyWala

Well if they knew how to do that, they wouldn't be working in a factory that's losing money.

I do the same thing. Graduated in 2002, and found myself surrounded by people whose only job was to ***** and moan about the economy. The smarter ones enrolled in grad school, even if it was a lower ranked ones. Guess who is in consulting and management roles now? The smarter ones who got grad degrees.

tammy8604

Hatred is always illogical. It brings nothing but misery. You can never make everyone happy, no matter how perfect you think you are.

libranrulz

Hatred never does any good and I think people should look past the petty issues. But sometimes things just get way too frustrating and its good to vent and talk to frnds and ask about their opinion. I think people use these forums more often to talk about their problems and issues without having to deal with the risk of being judged, even though they do get judged but the anonymity of the internet lessens it to some degree. If someone is going through a rough patch because of someone then it is natural to hate and I think it is perfectly fine if that person asks other people on how to deal with their issues.

zobia

it was in the morning i was telling my sister that its pointless to stress upon the evilness of some closed relatives. the most you can do and should do is ask ALLAH SWT for protection from their "sher". arguing with the devil only lowers you down to their level and then there will not be any distinction left between you and him. so hating the devil will only kill your time.

ps. if i miss one prayer i must not blame it on the devil, or what ever is happening in PAkistan instead of blaming the west for it we must do our self-assessment and plan the solution accordingly, instead of being an ostrich (cuz thats the only easy way out)

Gina~

^ Well said..

People that are used to speaking about people will always backbite and cause nothing but trouble. It's best to ignore them completely and do something constructive!

(p.s. A girl's never to be seen repeating an outfit in public!)

CM

You my friend I am buying dinner when I am in New York.

pak-one

Back in the day, consulting. Now I'm in a desk job

pak-one

Come on bro, it's not fair to say that they wouldn't be working in a factory that is losing money. You have relatively low employment options in that part of the state and if you have been working at the same place for 10-20+ years you feel a certain comfort or stability. More importantly, as a privately held company these guys wouldn't have access to the financials. However when we were brought in, alarm bells should have been going off and they should have been working on figuring out a plan B in case they were to lose their jobs.

I think your second paragraph is spot on. instead of whining and complaining, being proactive is always a winning strategy. Even now I would say that they could have: 1. Upgraded their skills by taking courses at the local tech college 2. Started a home based business 3. Moved elsewhere 4. Worked on/pressured the State to declare the region an economic empowerment zone/brought in other business/manufacturers. Complaining about the condition brings you nothing.

I see the same thing on this message board.

pak-one

Done deal.

pak-one

Zobs, that's exactly what I mean. Blind hatred brings you nothing but more misery. It's a self perpetuating downward spiral where you hate on others to shield yourself from a self critical assessment.