Birth control

depressedandconfused · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:14 AM

I want to go on birth control but my husband refuses to allow it.

Several months ago I had a miscarriage and I do not want to get pregnant again soon.

He doesn't seem to understand my position and would prefer to leave it up to chance.

hareem01 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:22 AM

He should respect your decision but why do you want to wait when it's completely okay to try to have another baby after few months of misscarrying?

NJMasti · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:24 AM

Do you already have any kids already?

Regardless - If you are not ready then your hubby is truly to be blamed on keeping you "depressedandconfused"

depressedandconfused · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:26 AM

I lead an unhealthy lifestyle (overweight, occasional smoking, erratic sleeping patterns and other health conditions) that I am trying to fix now. Although the miscarriage couldn't have been prevented, I still believe it happened because of my overall poor health. I was happy with leaving pregnancy up to chance before, but not any more.

hareem01 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:29 AM

if your husband is not agreeing with you then just start taking pills and keep it secret from him.

depressedandconfused · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:33 AM

NJmasti, no we do not have any children. Originally we planned to not take birth control at least until we have one child, but after this experience I have warmed up to the idea of bc. he, however, thinks we should let nature take its course. I understand his stance, since I had the same point of view prior, however I am ont comfortable with that now. He doesn't seem to understand why I don't want to get pregnant.

depressedandconfused · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:33 AM

Hareem, I thought about doing that. But i cannot keep such a huge secret from him, I just don't think it's right.

NJMasti · Nov 2nd, 2009, 08:45 AM

What's his rush ? Why he wants you to get pregnant before you "clean up" your acts? - like stop smoking?

...or just maybe... maybe he just wants you not to dwell on the miscarriage incident. Maybe he just wants you to get on with life ?

What's the reason you do not want to get pregnant? Were you ready to have a baby when you first got pregnant?

I know there are no "medical" conditions if you had a miscarriage. You can still have a healthy next pregnancy. So how long do you feel that you want to wait until you are ready for next one?

Mamaof3 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 09:39 AM

You can take control of the situation by monitoring your fertility and avoiding sex on the days that you are most fertile. This is not a foolproof method of birth control but one which is more easily accomplished than going against your husband's wishes and secretly taking the pills. You can get fertility monitors at any drug store where they sell pregnancy test kits and they work pretty much the same way.

mizzrani · Nov 3rd, 2009, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hareem01

if your husband is not agreeing with you then just start taking pills and keep it secret from him.

Sorry but you should not even be recommending that , this will cause huge problems once the husband finds out.

also this would be so against islam

and the poster of this thread sorry dont remember your name. leave it up to allah swt if he wants soemthing to happen nothing in the world can stop it .

trust me and have faith.

hareem01 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mizzrani

Sorry but you should not even be recommending that , this will cause huge problems once the husband finds out.

also this would be so against islam

and the poster of this thread sorry dont remember your name. leave it up to allah swt if he wants soemthing to happen nothing in the world can stop it .

trust me and have faith.

Her good health and becoming fit is the priority at the moment especially when she's trying to leave smoking, her husband is being unreasonable and thus she might secretly take birth control pills......other option is to both of you talk to your GP or nurse regarding this issue and let them make your husband understand the risks of child birth with poor health..........We should leave everything to Allah after doing our bit, so get healthier by eating healthy and doing excercise and leave bad habits like smoking.

But I agree, keeping it a secret from him can cause problems.

blackforest_360 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:17 AM

you need to talk sense into and have him understand your point of view.
having a kid isn't a game.

PyariCgudia · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:36 AM

Repetetive miscarriages have their circumstances. If you're not ready for a pregnancy, you have a legal right (well, if you live in the US, don't know about other places) to take bc pills without a husband's permission. You also have a right Islamically to make decisions about your own reproductive health down to if you WANT to have a baby, and your husband does not, he is obligated to go with your decision. So, take the BC pills, and get some more education about pregnancies and miscarriages. Just make sure you're making an educated decision. And remember, as you get older it will get more difficult to become pregnant, so maybe you might not want a child now, but you will later.

Why do you not want to have a child? Is it because of the pain and hassle of going through a miscarriage, that you're afraid you'll have another one and have to go through the same emotional turmoil again? Or you're just not financially ready, or you want more years just between husband and wife and no kids involved?

NJMasti · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bigboi

"depressedandconfused"

you caused that situation not like NJmasti wants to tell us now that the hubby is resonsible for your mood. You are responsible for the miscarriage [smoking, overweight etc.]

hello? bigboi?

She mentioned she smoked AFTER I had posted that her hubby was responsible ...

hello? hello? hello?????????????????????????????????????????

sweetu · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:50 AM

maybe u shud both sit down n disscuss this like 2 proper mature adults n explain to him wat u want to do like get ursel in shape stop smoking or watever pb u have u wanna srt urself out n then have children so u can give them the best in life
not much point in having a baby n then not being able to take cre of him/her coz ur not well n he wont b able to do it all by himself either make this stuf clear to him

waleedhbk · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:50 AM

well being a women why u smoke ???
i m sorry to say this but dats pathetic

blackforest_360 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:53 AM

yes and when guys do it they look oh so macho.

Sarsaparilla · Nov 3rd, 2009, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by depressedandconfused

I want to go on birth control but my husband refuses to allow it.

Several months ago I had a miscarriage and I do not want to get pregnant again soon.

He doesn't seem to understand my position and would prefer to leave it up to chance.

One out of three women have a miscarriage. It is not necessarily true that you will have another.

depressedandconfused · Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mamaof3

You can take control of the situation by monitoring your fertility and avoiding sex on the days that you are most fertile. This is not a foolproof method of birth control but one which is more easily accomplished than going against your husband's wishes and secretly taking the pills. You can get fertility monitors at any drug store where they sell pregnancy test kits and they work pretty much the same way.

Thank you, I think that this is the best course of action right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PyariCgudia

Repetetive miscarriages have their circumstances. If you're not ready for a pregnancy, you have a legal right (well, if you live in the US, don't know about other places) to take bc pills without a husband's permission. You also have a right Islamically to make decisions about your own reproductive health down to if you WANT to have a baby, and your husband does not, he is obligated to go with your decision. So, take the BC pills, and get some more education about pregnancies and miscarriages. Just make sure you're making an educated decision. And remember, as you get older it will get more difficult to become pregnant, so maybe you might not want a child now, but you will later.

Why do you not want to have a child? Is it because of the pain and hassle of going through a miscarriage, that you're afraid you'll have another one and have to go through the same emotional turmoil again? Or you're just not financially ready, or you want more years just between husband and wife and no kids involved?

Yes that is my primary reason. The whole experience was painful and I am not mentally ready to face the possibility of it happening again. I respect those who can, but I am not that strong.

depressedandconfused · Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:15 PM

Thank you everyone for the advice. I discussed this with him and we've come to a conclusion. The posts here were really helpful, I'll appreciate it if someone can close this thread now.