I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband - Page 2

hareem01 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:17 PM

i agree with all of you, you know immune it's part of this culture and there's nothing that we can do about it but I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANY WOMAN NEAR MY HUSBAND.

Muzna · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:19 PM

hareem,

why won't you let any woman near your husband?
are you afraid that your husband will not remain faithful?
would you not trust your husband?

this concept eludes me....

NJMasti · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:22 PM

^Munza - if you think guys are all "innocent" type of creatures - then you are dead wrong.

..all guys actually have a "scanning device" in which they can see you naked even in just your written ID as "Munza"

So why would you trust him? - If not physically - there is still something going on - rt?

^ sorry off topic - but Munza asked for it -hehe

TLK · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:24 PM

Guys can scan and see her naked, though girls cannot even see the right spelling of her Nick

funguy · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJMasti

..all guys actually have a "scanning device" in which they can see you naked even in just your written ID as "Munza"

LOL LOL LOL

Oh Lordy! May be GS females should wear hijab over their nick.

Mamaof3 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:25 PM

I'd fight for my husband like a mama tiger lol! Yet...being raised a gori, I have understanding of what has sexual overtone and what does not in western societies. Kisses and hugs are given freely and many times are expected. Some are touchy-feely talkers, they have a need to touch the person they're talking to especially when trying to get their point across. Yet...some overdo it and I'm really attued to that. And "watch it or I'll scratch yer eyes right outta yer head"!!! but I get it, at office gatherings and festivities...that there will be some touching gori-style, going on. And yup, just gotta deal with that and Im fine with it as long as its something thats not hidden from me.

hareem01 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muzna

hareem,

why won't you let any woman near your husband?
are you afraid that your husband will not remain faithful?
would you not trust your husband?

this concept eludes me....

I do trust him but I'm very jealous, call it a complex or childishness but that's the way I am and that's what he likes about me.

PyariCgudia · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:25 PM

Next time suggest you go to the party with him. Women will hit on married men.

You have to also understand dynamics at work. Guys who will not be open to this sort of stuff will get gossiped about at work as being uptight.

NJMasti · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TLK

Guys can scan and see her naked, though girls cannot even see the right spelling of her Nick

holly -

I have ALWAYS read it as Munza

tweety_pie · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mamaof3

If you're a desi who chooses to live in a gori land, then there are things that you will need to learn how to deal with. In gori-land, hugs and kisses are routine and sometimes expected. But completely without sexual overtone. Both women and men are far more demonstrative and physical, conversation and interaction does involve touching (again, without sexual overtone). Drinking alcohol is viewed as a normal (but NOT required) activity.

So, the hubby who posts his photos online and shows them to his wife, this is a guy who is just "doing as the romans do", just fitting in. I'd be far more worried about the guy who doess not invite the wife and does not show the photos (or worse, tried to hide them!).

You have nothing to worry about. Other than your non-desire to fit in. If you get so upset over this kind of thing, then you should have accompanied your husband and guarded him. You need to get over your repugnance of the smell of beer - heck no one is going to ask you to actually consume it. So maybe open a nearby window or wear more perfume. Or...dont go at all and be secure in the knowledge that your loving husband will doccument his evening and publish the photographs.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh here. I just feel for this poor guy, getting beat up for trying so hard to fit in, doing a good job of it but then getting beat up by his wife who wants to live desi style. Desi-style really cant work in the west without a bit of acceptance. You dont have to partake but you really do need to participate (and note, participation does not require you to forego any or your morals or restrictions).

Well said

Decent 6Chora · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJMasti

..all guys actually have a "scanning device" in which they can see you naked even in just your written ID as "Munza"

LOL

NJ+Masti: o la la

(nothing just scanning ur nick)

PS: and women have instincts and courage to blame a blind to "tarofying" her

immune · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:35 PM

Well, I'm reading everyone's opinions and I'm getting all confused here. So some people think this behavior is okay, its platonic, etc etc. So would you people be okay with your spouses doing the same thing?

I'm not being a watchdog or anything like that, I'm just feeling bad inside and its not going away. You know that horrible sinking feeling you get, I got that when I saw this one picture. Its just that one pic that got me really down it was very very inappropriate, the rest I was okay with ( I dont want to describe it, cuz it will sound obscene).

I'm not even the jealous type, I don't care when he looks at girls, or comments and stuff. I know he's a faithful husband and he usually doesn't even go out with friends. He just goes to 1-2 holiday parties a year and spends the rest of the time with me. So I'm mashaAllah very happy with him. But I can't get rid of this horrible, yucky feeling inside of me. I think I need a good cry

I'm also not concerned about his image, I think what makes me mad is his disregard for my feelings after I commented that it was an inappropriate way to pose.

P.S. To all guys, he's in HR in a Staffing company, all-goras, he's the only desi. And its totally normal for people here to meet like that, hug and kisses on the cheek, while I'm not comfy with that at all.

shk_14 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:37 PM

see if it was her hubby he would be simply mad at her by no problems where as the poor lady is so disturb to just let know his hubby that she is mad at her.

hareem01 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:38 PM

immune

sometimes you have to show a bit jealousy to demonstrate that you actually care about him and love him, also there's nothing wrong in giving a good advice to your husband infact it is encouraged in islam for husband and wife to improve each other's character with love and kindness.

funguy · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by immune

Its just that one pic that got me really down it was very very inappropriate, the rest I was okay with ( I dont want to describe it, cuz it will sound obscene).

As I fine tune my "Scanning device" ala NJMasti, here is what I think that pic entails;

Your hubby is wearing Pathanay Khan shalwar qameez and chitraali topi at this halloween party...the topi si tilting sideways...and this cute, slim, blonde girl dressed up as a vampire has her fake teeth on your hubby's neck posing as if she was sucking blood.

d

Niksik · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:38 PM

Immune, you have to become immune to that

Office parties are office parties...sometimes you can't push a co worker if they chipko to you to get a picture taken. That doesn't mean they had any emotions. Let it go.

hitchki · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:40 PM

well. I dont see why you guys are playing it all cool either. I am with immune. Its not how the romans do, nor are the Gorai-lohg roman offspring. I mean, if you had left behind a bodacious italian babe, would you really be hankering after pasty-face village girl?

Thats besides the point.

You have every right to be put off, feel free to act huffy untill he asks you whats wrong and then proceed to whine in a cute way. Apparently they like it when women act posessive like this, I don't know.

Also, dont go over board with it. He knows ur pissed this time.. if it happens again, then its a problem.

You also have to appreciate that uploading pictures is the duty of the camera holder. He couldnt not put them up, the nekkid peoples chippkoing him would have bothered him at work until he had.

hope this helps.

Decent 6Chora · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:41 PM

btw on serious (and may be harsh note),

Assuming that you are muslim, you should not expect oranges from apple tree. Going to such party is not appreciated in our religion and you should not expect k koi aisee party main ja ker kisee ko musalman ker k aa jayee ga.

If he is going to such parties, expect this to happen again. You should really work on the root cause.

Its just like k "aap ko main nai srif sharab peena allow kia tha, nashey main aana allow nahee kia tha"

hareem01 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by immune

Well, I'm reading everyone's opinions and I'm getting all confused here. So some people think this behavior is okay, its platonic, etc etc. So would you people be okay with your spouses doing the same thing?

I'm not being a watchdog or anything like that, I'm just feeling bad inside and its not going away. You know that horrible sinking feeling you get, I got that when I saw this one picture. Its just that one pic that got me really down it was very very inappropriate, the rest I was okay with ( I dont want to describe it, cuz it will sound obscene).

I'm not even the jealous type, I don't care when he looks at girls, or comments and stuff. I know he's a faithful husband and he usually doesn't even go out with friends. He just goes to 1-2 holiday parties a year and spends the rest of the time with me. So I'm mashaAllah very happy with him. But I can't get rid of this horrible, yucky feeling inside of me. I think I need a good cry

I'm also not concerned about his image, I think what makes me mad is his disregard for my feelings after I commented that it was an inappropriate way to pose.

P.S. To all guys, he's in HR in a Staffing company, all-goras, he's the only desi. And its totally normal for people here to meet like that, hug and kisses on the cheek, while I'm not comfy with that at all.

Just listen to your heart and do let him know that you didn't like him being kissed and hugged by other women.

immune · Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by funguy

As I fine tune my "Scanning device" ala NJMasti, here is what I think that pic entails;

Your hubby is wearing Pathanay Khan shalwar qameez and chitraali topi at this halloween party...the topi si tilting sideways...and this cute, slim, blonde girl dressed up as a vampire has her fake teeth on your hubby's neck posing as if she was sucking blood.

d

Not even close mister.... I wouldn't even be upset at that pose. Do people now want me to actually describe it?