HUSBAND WIFE REALATION SHIP - Page 2

shk_14 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistral

The temptation to do it is probably great. Don't. It's just going to restart another argument and you will more than likely both end up hurt again. People can be super defensive of their families. It's the way things are. I love my friends and family. They have their flaws. I myself have pointed them out on several occasions. And still, if someone else starts pointing out the same flaws that I have pointed out previously, I get super defensive. It's ok for me to do it, but not anyone else...which is a completely hypocritical attitude to have. But it's the way humans are programmed.

He seems to have overreacted to your comment about his sister's lengha. Definitely agree with you. But perhaps you shouldn't have mentioned it. Remember the saying, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all." There's a reason why it's such a popular saying because it's stopped many arguments from getting started. I'm not trying to say that you were purposely trying to insult his sister. It's just the sort of thing you say in a casual conversation...especially girls since we tend to notice clothes and have definite opinions on what we like/don't like. But sometimes, it's just wiser to not say anything depending on who you're dealing with. I have some friends where I will tell them to their face that something looks horrid. Others, I will not say a word simply because I know it will send them into a frenzy. So just try to keep your audience in mind and move on.

As for the taking sides thing...try to take a step back and look at things dispassionately. When he's disagreeing with you and taking their side, is he doing it simply because "this is my family and they can do no wrong" or is there a genuine reason? If it's the former, then you need to have a discussion with him because there are two sides to every story. If it's the latter, then perhaps a bit of self-examination is in order?

at that i didnt knew thats y i said as his side every one comments ....but mujhay nahi pata tha that iam not allowed but ab to mery tobbaahhhh kay kuch b kahoonnnnn......never ever ........

mistral · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:12 PM

Because sweetie, that's life. These dramas...they don't go away. Even in the most perfect seeming families, there's always stuff going on beneath the surface. It's true for me, it's true for you, it's true for everybody on this forum, it's true for everybody in this world. Drama happens...most of it happens within families. And it will never go away.

Good for you that you don't tell anybody about the little stuff that goes on everyday. Good for you that you're trying to put it aside.

Focus on the positive in life. Try to let the little stuff go as you've been doing. But don't become a doormat when it comes to the big stuff. And move on. How do you do it? You just do it. You get up every day, you find ways to keep busy, you have fun with your spouse and your friends, you make dua and say your prayers. It isn't easy letting stuff go. But you have to make an effort so that it doesn't weigh you down and plague your life.

shk_14 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:15 PM

thankx a lot for ur sweet words ......ya ur right this is the way for every one.....!

Seef · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:00 PM

For a Man:

1) Mother
2) Sisters

3) Wives

sadzzz · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:32 PM

^ and thank goodness not all men think like this

Seef · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:34 PM

Only stupid men do not think like that.

Wives are replaceable, not the first two. Also, receiving dua from the first 2 are more powerful than the 3rd and it's not even close.

Have a nice night.

Seef · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:40 PM

Funny thing is, if I even raise my voice over my mother or sisters my wife quickly shuts me up and lets me have it.

Things like this is why I can't stay angry at my wife for more than 5 minutes about anything. She knows she can be replaced. You cannot replace blood.

sadzzz · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:42 PM

I can see why u would put ur mum first.... dont understand the sister bit.

I wish people would start respecting marriage a little more.

If ur going to threaten ur wife with this replacement business all the time, it shows you dont value her one bit. Geez

Seef · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:44 PM

I don't tell my wife she can be replaced. Every wife knows that already. No need to rub it in her face.

And how can you understand the mother but not the sister bit?

I wish more wives would be like my wife and respect a brother/sister relationship.

sadzzz · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:46 PM

No, not every wife thinks she can be replaced.

Seef · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadzzz

No, not every wife thinks she can be replaced.

It's physically possible. That's what i'm saying.

sadzzz · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:50 PM

and the emotional bit? how does one replace that?

Seef · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:52 PM

You get remarried and gain emotional attachment with her. People get divorced and remarried. It happened a lot when Islam was first created and it will continue to happen.

libranrulz · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:30 AM

Seef buddy I don't know what world you're living in but honestly wives are not suppose to be replaced and you're not even supposed to think that they can be replaced. I don't care what rights you have regarding divorce and how much you love your mom or your sister, you're not suppose to think your wife as something replaceable. You're suppose to take the side of whoever is right in an argument and not just ur mom or your sister just because you're wife is some third grade citizen in your house hold who can be replaced. Once you get married and bring your wife in the family, she is a part of the family and should be counted as one of you guys with equal importance.

sadzzz · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:39 AM

^ thank u

shk_14 · Nov 6th, 2009, 04:42 AM

o my my now i understand y ur call ur wife love name khutti hmmmm on the whole she is nothing for u and u have to be asked by Allah the thing in ur mind about replacing wifes...........ufff TRUE ur wife is a veryyyyyyyy blessed lady MAY ALLAH SHOWER HIS BLESSING UPON HER.
its her fate that she got a husband like u Allah knows better.
now seeing u I THANK ALLAH for havingggggg my lovely hubby..........

tammy8604 · Nov 6th, 2009, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seef

I wish more wives would be like my wife and respect a brother/sister relationship.

Seef, is it ok if your wife considers her own mother and her own siblings above you?

Seef · Nov 6th, 2009, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tammy8604

Seef, is it ok if your wife considers her own mother and her own siblings above you?

The problem with that thinking is you're already comparing. I don't argue to my wife about who's on top of her list. As long as I get the love and respect that a wife gives her husband why should I harp on potential ugly situations?

My wife loves her siblings and mother. I don't bother with nonsense questions like who do you consider above me because i'm being treated like a husband by her.

Seef · Nov 6th, 2009, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shk_14

o my my now i understand y ur call ur wife love name khutti hmmmm on the whole she is nothing for u and u have to be asked by Allah the thing in ur mind about replacing wifes...........ufff TRUE ur wife is a veryyyyyyyy blessed lady MAY ALLAH SHOWER HIS BLESSING UPON HER.
its her fate that she got a husband like u Allah knows better.
now seeing u I THANK ALLAH for havingggggg my lovely hubby..........

It's hard to show sarcasm on a message board.

You're right, it's her fate, her patience, and her trust in Allah that got her married to a loving husband who loves and respects her so much.

You don't know who I am so sthu.

Seef · Nov 6th, 2009, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by libranrulz

Seef buddy I don't know what world you're living in but honestly wives are not suppose to be replaced and you're not even supposed to think that they can be replaced. I don't care what rights you have regarding divorce and how much you love your mom or your sister, you're not suppose to think your wife as something replaceable. You're suppose to take the side of whoever is right in an argument and not just ur mom or your sister just because you're wife is some third grade citizen in your house hold who can be replaced. Once you get married and bring your wife in the family, she is a part of the family and should be counted as one of you guys with equal importance.

Haha once again you people do not get the message. You can't divorce blood. So you're stuck with your mother and sisters no matter what. If you say that's the same with wives then you are wrong. They are replaceable and it's an easy process. But that's not what i'm arguing.

I already know how a husband needs to treat his wife. I don't need to come to this message board and take lessons from simple primitive minded people like you. My wife cannot live without each other because we love one another. You do not know what goes on in my household so becareful with the assumptions my friend.

My wife gets more love from my family than anyone i've seen so far. And i've seen women being forced to massage their MIL or get beat, cook for 18 people while she's 7 months pregnant etc.

I don't make my wife take care of my mother. That's not her job. That's my job. Her duties are to be with me and that's the bottom line.