Out of wedlock pregnancies - Page 2

diwana · Nov 3rd, 2009, 11:01 PM

Why do we think she is a 'victim' and he is a 'loser/loafer' or criminal?

Is it because she is a girl, and he is a boy?

In this situation both are 'equally' responsible.

His 'crime' is that he ran away. But he ran away since he could.

The girl could not run away since she has to carry the baby!

If she could, she would too!

This is why girls have to be extra extra careful.

prototype · Nov 4th, 2009, 12:49 AM

Getting an abortion done is just like doing a gunaah-e-kabeerah one on top of another.

Anyways, pregnancies out of wedlock is equally common in pakistan as well. I remember my khala (who had a maternity clinic near convent of jesus and mary in Lahore) telling us how she had girls from the schools coming up for abortions to her clinic and other nearby

and this is what she told around 10 years back !

We also had many cases brought up to emergency wards in hospitals with ruptured uterus and septic shock patients who had a history of daai-handling (desi unqualified midwife you can say) for attempted abortions in rural areas and causing life threatening complications to to unmarried girl.
Allah subko hidaayat dayn !

Sofya · Nov 4th, 2009, 03:01 AM

I think this is a classic case of "jab sar pe pare ga toh pata chalay ga"

Everyone who is acting holier than thou abt abortion and ranting on and on abt dont do the crime if you cant do the time, well the deal is the crimes been done. Now what?

I dont have any concrete opinions on this, cos I know that people when put in a situation themselves have a different viewpoint and when discussing it have another one.

I just want to say that either way, we all need to respect peoples choices and keep in mind that we dont know the reasons behind their actions as well as they do.

clothesmad · Nov 4th, 2009, 03:44 AM

If you are living in the west, believe it or not your more exposed within the community, and its not possible to have a baby out of wedlock and try to get on with your life, there is not just your immediate family but also distant family that will shoulder the ultimate shame.

yes its gunna to abort, however its also gunna to get yourself in that position in the first place.

Forget what type of life the girl who decides to keep the baby will face, its the baby that will walk with that label for the rest of his/her life too.

Yes i know its gunna, but if that was me i would go for an abortion, learn from it, repent for the rest of my life and get on with my life.

pyaare · Nov 4th, 2009, 04:13 AM

i dont agree with the 2nd girl getting an abortion,at the end of the day she has now committed another sin by aborting the baby. The father was an idiot and wanted no involvement, but she could have carried the baby full term and put it up for adoption, i think there are plenty of Muslim families out there that are unable to have children and would love to adopt a Muslim child.

i dont think this girl will ever be able to forget about this abortion, it will be on her conscience for many years to come. i pray that she is now on the right path

samb · Nov 4th, 2009, 06:26 AM

obviously, ideally one would never find oneself in such a situation... but if something like this does end up happening, then abortion is the way to go.

NJMasti · Nov 4th, 2009, 06:53 AM

Pyaare: forget the gunnah!

(I must have woken up on the wrong side today... but I AGREE WITH SAMB 1000%).

It helps the girl move on.

Monk · Nov 4th, 2009, 06:56 AM

Killl the guy already(who tok off)
U ppl think too much.

samb · Nov 4th, 2009, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJMasti

(I must have woken up on the wrong side today... but I AGREE WITH SAMB 1000%).

hain jee? mein nay aap ki bakri churayee hai... that you have wake up on the wrong side of the bed before you can agree with my opinion? I thought I had relatively reasonable and moderate opinions on most things...

NJMasti · Nov 4th, 2009, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samb

hain jee? mein nay aap ki bakri churayee hai... that you have wake up on the wrong side of the bed before you can agree with my opinion? I thought I had relatively reasonable and moderate opinions on most things...

^ lol

no no bakri churaving

It's just that when you don't agree with religion - it is "assumed" you must have woken up on the wrong side

CharmedOne · Nov 4th, 2009, 08:52 AM

OMG....I had no idea this has been going on in Pakistan for so long....must be living in cloud cuckoo land.I just ssumed the empty cribs outside Eidhi were for babies of prostitutes.

I personally don't believe in abortion, but would respect any woman's decision to have it.It's her body, and something she will carry for the rest of her life.Having had a miscarriage,I always remember the dates (losing the baby and the date he/she would've been born).
These days it's so easy to have an abortion, although counselling is offered I believe.I think it depends on the circumstances.And the parents who support their daughters are incredibly brave themselves.
Really, there is no simple answer.....other then just don't do it.

Bint_e_Naeem · Nov 4th, 2009, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sara516

^ When educated, decent-looking girls from good families can't find a rishta cz they're 26 or so, chances look even slimmer for single mothers, esp those who had the child outta wedlock

plus people have a tendency to get 'offended' if you suggest a rishta that oesn't fit the "mold" or "profile" ("mere liye yeh larka/larki reh gaya???)

I know what you are saying & you are so right about it but then not all people get married by the whole getting or finding rishta thing. If a woman gets proper education & meets someone later in the life who is equally educated I am not a man so I can't be 100% sure but I do believe there will be a man out there for her & her child.

I just don't get it eating non zabihah meat is okay maybe this is a bit extreme. But taking loans with interest in Islam is equivalent to sleeping with your own mother. I know a lot of people who do that. There are so many examples of many Haram things people do these days. Why is it that we forget those things & just focus on something like this. Aur bachay ka kya kusoor hai kay us ka wujood he khatum kardo.

I know I am getting carried away but that's just my take on this issue.

Bint_e_Naeem · Nov 4th, 2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sofya

I think this is a classic case of "jab sar pe pare ga toh pata chalay ga"

Everyone who is acting holier than thou abt abortion and ranting on and on abt dont do the crime if you cant do the time, well the deal is the crimes been done. Now what?

I dont have any concrete opinions on this, cos I know that people when put in a situation themselves have a different viewpoint and when discussing it have another one.

I just want to say that either way, we all need to respect peoples choices and keep in mind that we dont know the reasons behind their actions as well as they do.

You pay for it that's what happens. As someone mentioned that would be a bigger lesson for many others to follow as well. The original poster didn't ask us to judge anyone but asked us what would we do in such a position.

Shak killS · Nov 5th, 2009, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJMasti

I think the 2nd girl did the right thing by aborting.

I know Islam forbids abortion... but still it's the most human thing you can do given the circumstance.

Here are the benefits:

1) The guy who ran away was a loser to begin with - GOOD HE RAN his ass away.

Who needs a loser anyway?

2) The girl - after realizing the guys worth - could come to terms that he is definitely a loser who did not stand by her at this time... then of course he will not be there for her ANYTIME.

Who needs a loser anyway?

3) The girl - gets a second chance to start all over again in life. She can still go and find someone worth her time.

Again, Who needs a loser anyway?

Here are the disadvantages of NOT having an abortion:

1) The girl - will have to give up thinking about finding someone else for life!

2) The girl will have to forget her education and career.

3) The girl will have to find an immediate full time job to support herself and the baby

4) The girl will be an outcast not only from society but from her immediate family as well.

5) The girl will have to raise that child alone.

6) the girl will have to worry about getting her kid married since she is already an outcast - who will have respect for her kid?

There are so many more reasons ... it goes on and on...

So I say - having an abortion will get her a second chance for a brand new life.

Drop the loser.

ok the guy is loser! agreed.

so to have brand new life for girl, i life has to go?? I dont think it can be justified at all at any cost!

Girls and guys like this should pay the price for own actions, not the baby!

and i guess if they know their is no option as such, they will take care in future.

but do you really believe this girl after getting a "brand new life" will not end up in the same situation.

this whole material life has no value to human life if its not out of the womb yet!

NJMasti · Nov 5th, 2009, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shak killS

ok the guy is loser! agreed.

so to have brand new life for girl, i life has to go?? I dont think it can be justified at all at any cost!

Girls and guys like this should pay the price for own actions, not the baby!

and i guess if they know their is no option as such, they will take care in future.

but do you really believe this girl after getting a "brand new life" will not end up in the same situation.

this whole material life has no value to human life if its not out of the womb yet!

so why do you hold a GIRL responsible and go through sh*t to save a life?

Remember the guy is GONE already?

Why should it be the girls burden?

Remember a fetus - is not a PERSON yet. It will take the fetus to turn into a baby and then add some more months to even comprehend feelings and the existence of others.

So why do you consider a girl to take the back seat?

I am Pro-Choice and that's why I feel the girl has a right to "correct" herself and "live" instead of the fetus who has no feelings yet.

There is no GUY in this situation - he did his dumping and is long gone.

diwana · Nov 5th, 2009, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJMasti

so why do you hold a GIRL responsible and go through sh*t to save a life?

Remember the guy is GONE already?

Why should it be the girls burden?

Remember a fetus - is not a PERSON yet. It will take the fetus to turn into a baby and then add some more months to even comprehend feelings and the existence of others.

So why do you consider a girl to take the back seat?

I am Pro-Choice and that's why I feel the girl has a right to "correct" herself and "live" instead of the fetus who has no feelings yet.

There is no GUY in this situation - he did his dumping and is long gone.

Please forget everything. Just read the bold part you wrote.

How do we know fetus has or does not have feelings? We are talking about a human life.

Abortion is not the discussion here however. People then argue at what stage it is OK. There is slippery slope which people follow and end up aborting otherwise good size fetus which can become a human being with just a little support.

One can hate the man as much as one likes, but one should not kill a potential human being. After all, it is partially hers too.

If a woman hates her 'loser' husband who divorced her and left her , should she go for abortion?

Premarital sex or marital sex, the result, of having baby is same. Isn't it not?