Amour

we have been married for over 5 years now and have mashallah 2 little oens. but my other half still have in security that i will leave her any day.

reason being it was an arranged marriage and she was selected by my family in an typical arranged marriage. so she believe if a guy can accept a girl blindly cause family selected it, he can also leave the girl if his family say so!

I always rejected this theory, its not the case, i may have agreed to this marriage on my family's approval. but it cant be reversed the same way cause you have built a relationship which wasnt there when we married. but she hardly believe in it.

this is bit annoying but deep down i know of myself and my family and they always wanted this to work as they feel responsible if something goes wrong between us.

so i just stopped convincing her, and said well when you are 80 years old and still married to me then i will ask you about it! as by that time it will be already proven

how you guys think of this whole situation? well never my life i am failed to convince anybody, be it friends or girl friends, even enemies, but wives are different breed altogether.

PyariCgudia

Do you stay at work late?
Flirt with other ladies?
Not spend an hour at least with her a day?

hareem01

^I was about to ask a similar question.

How much time do you give to your wife and how do you spend it usually? also, is she the youngest in her siblings?

Besides, you should comfort her and assure her each time she shows her concerns, that's what good husbands do.

PyariCgudia

Do you stay at work late?
Flirt with other ladies?
Not spend an hour at least with her a day?

Amour

No I dont stay long at work, always go home straight!

No, since i got married, I dont have any one in my life but my wife!

Well since i got married, i remotely spend an hour with any friend, all my spare time is at home, after office, and all weekends!!

~MuNiYa~

I've a love marriage and I still harass my husband.

I just wanna hear how much he loves me over and over and over ---
and over

Amour

she behaves as youngest of her siblings, but she is eldest who had never any responsibilities, as after college, she moved to another city for studies and stayed in hostel visiting home only as a pampered guest. and after she finished studies, a year after she got married.

we daily have dinner together daily once i am back from office, spent some time playing with my 2 year old son and bit with 3 months old one sometime we watch movie together. some coversation. and always un ending super market list, which i would like do it once a week, always something left and i end up picking up these 2 or 3 times a week on the way back or after having dinner.

both of us dont sleep early and go to bed after mid night!

Amour

well i dont get harassed by her! why i am worried is more about why cant she just trust me? i dont lie at all and she knows.

the only thing I can tell cause since my family and her doesnt get along very very well, that may be the reason.

~MuNiYa~

You don't lie at all---
thats a crock

Honey we all lie -
fib call it whatever.

Like when you're 5 minutes away you say 2 minutes away because you want to escape the wrath of the other person.

Point being don't lay all the blame on her - maybe there's soemthing your doing thats making her feel this way.

Silaaj

Thats your reason right there. Its very uncomfortable for a girl to be in a position where she is on bad terms with her in laws. Some girls can be downright witches, and not care about it, but for most who care, it matters. So long as she doesnt get along with her inlaws, she will continue to have doubts.
Perhaps a mediation from your side is in order, in order to bring her and your parents together.

PyariCgudia

Ok that's prolly why. You just need to keep reassuring her you will go all bollywood if family interferes with the yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti hai (although ho chuki)

hareem01

awww mashallah.....

As far as I understand your wife has similar symptoms to "comfort eating", everytime she needs comfort she asks you such questions. There are few ways to deal with it to bring your life back to normal.

1) Take it very very seriously whenever she says that you're going to leave her, let her know that you feel hurt when she says something like that(no wife in this world wants her husband to feel that way) and try to bring tears in your eyes if you can, make it clear to her that both you and her won't be able to enjoy their kids and married life if she doesn't stop asking such questions and start trusting you.

2) other option is that you can start trying to give her the taste of her own medicine, you can often start asking her similar questions like if she loves and trust you or not and that if she's going to leave you.

I think it first option is better but probably hard for you, give it a go for a week or so.

Decent 6Chora

I face the same problem in our initial days of marriage.

I came to US alone when i was around 24/25 and worked here for 3/4 years before getting married to my wife in Pakistan. She joined me back in US in couple of months after marriage.

In early days, her insecurity was understandable and I did everything possible to make her at ease and for that I had to sometimes go out of the way. For example, reduced TOO much interaction with all of my female friends. Spent more time with my wife. Used to tell her a lot about my past. Who I met, where and what happed etc and everything settled down and now even if I try to tease her she is like "jaee jaeen, no one will bare you, yee main hee hoon jo aap ko baddasht ker rahee hoon...XYZ aap ko shukeriya k saath wapus bhaij dai gee"

daikha naikee ka anjam ....

zobia

ask her to recite Surah Noor.
its really not in yours or anyones hand.

ALLAH SWT jis kay cheyee kisi k dill main jagha bana dain.
she needs to trust ALLAH SWT blindly.

funguy

It's always good to keep your spouse on their toes. The moment they think they have you they start taking you for granted. Marriage is a life long project.

NJMasti

lol - I like this theory.


It's one heck of a project. There is never a solution - just on going questions and theories.

zobia

good to find out that your wife keeps you on her toes.

MIAinVA

When will husbands learn that wives don't like being teased like that? aisay hee jawab milein gai aisee baaton par.

Mamaof3

Amour, I've read some o the responses here but dont agree. I think your wife is suffering a bit from "princess syndrome". She wants and needs to feel not only loved but worshipped. I;ve met a few of these in my time and your wife fits the bill. She needs to get a grip on reality. Sounds to me like you are doing all of the right things. Now its HER tuen to do the same for you.

~MuNiYa~

yup my other half says that too